良心的震撼

I was faced with a decision. Whiledelivering laundry into the appropriate bedrooms，I stumbled upon my thirteen-year-old sister' sdiary， a modern day Pandora' s box， suffusedwith temptation， What was I to do?

I had always been jealous of my little sister.Her charming smile， endearing personality， andmany talents threatened my place as leading lady.I competed with her tacitly and grew to resenther natural abilities. I felt it necessary to shatterher shadow with achievements of my own. As aresult， we seldom spoke. I sought opportunitiesto criticize her and relished surpassing herachievements.

Her diary lay at my feet， and I thoughtnot of result. I considered not her privacy， themorality of my actions， nor her consequentialpain. I merely savored the possibility of diggingup enough dirt to soil my competitor' s spotlessrecord. I reasoned my iniquity as sisterly duty.It was my responsibility to keep a check on heractivities. It would be wrong of me not to.

I tentatively plucked the book from the floor and opened it， fanning through the pages，searching my name， convinced that I would discover scheming and slander. As I read， theblood ran from my face. It was worse than Isuspected. I felt faint and slouched to the floor.There was neither conspiracy nor defamation.There was a succinct description of herself，her goals， and her dreams followed by a shortportrayal of the person who has inspired'hermost. I started to cry.

I was her hero. She admired me for mypersonality， my achievements， and ironically，my integrity. She wanted to be like me. She had been watching me for years， quietly marvelingover my choices and actions. I ceased reading，struck with the crime I had committed. I hadexpended so much energy into pushing her awaythat I had missed out on her.

I had wasted years resenting someone capableof magic；and now I had violated her trust. I twas I who had lost something beautiful， and itwas I who would never allow myself to do such athing again.

Reading the earnest words my sister hadwritten seemed to melt an icy barrier aroundmy heart and I longed to know her again. I wasfinally able to put aside the petty insecurity thatkept me from her. On that fateful afternoon，as I put aside the laundry and rose to my feet，I decided to go to her this time to experienceinstead of to judge， to embrace instead of tofight. After all， she was my sister.

我面臨著一個選擇。在把洗好的衣服送到各個房間去的時候，我被13歲的妹妹的日記本絆了一下，這個日記本簡直就是一個現代的“潘多拉的盒子”，里面充滿了誘惑。我該怎么辦?

我一直嫉妒我妹妹，她那迷人的微笑，討人喜愛的個性，還有許多天賦都威脅到我這個女主角的地位。我一直暗暗與她競爭，對她的天賦越來越忿恨。我覺得必須用自己的成績來消除她在我心頭留下的陰影。因此，我倆很少說話。我不斷找機會責備她，以超越她的成績為樂。

她的日記本就躺在我的腳下，我沒有想到后果，我考慮的不是她的隱私，不是我的行為是否符合道德標準或會給她帶來什么痛苦。我只是想抓住這個發現足夠多污點的機會，以打破我的競爭對手沒有缺點的記錄。我把這種不道德的行為看做是當姐姐的責任。檢查她的行為是我的職責，如果我不這么做才是錯誤的。

我猶豫地從地上拾起日記本，翻開來。我飛快地翻著，搜尋著我的名字，確信能在里面發現陰謀詭計和誹謗的語句。翻看的同時，血液開始涌上我的面頰。事情比我猜疑的還要糟糕，我感到一陣眩暈，無力地坐在地板上。日記里既沒有陰謀也沒有誹謗，里面簡要地描述了她自己，她的目標和夢想，隨后是一小段對影響她最深的人的描述。此時，我哭了起來。

我是她心中的英雄。她羨慕我的個性、我的成績，尤其具有諷刺意味的是，還有我的正直。她想要成為像我一樣的人。她已經觀察我很多年了，默默地對我的各種選擇和行為感到驚奇。我沒有再讀下去，心里充滿了犯罪感。我花費了那么多精力想把她從身邊推開，以致忽略了對她的了解。

我浪費了那么多年的時間來怨恨一個能創造奇跡的人；現在我褻瀆了她對我的信賴。正是我自己失去了某種美滿的東西，而我再也不能允許自己犯同樣的錯誤了。

讀著妹妹寫下的那些真誠的話語，我感到它們仿佛融化了筑在我心頭的冰柵欄，我渴望重新認識她，我終于能夠把隔開我和她的那種卑鄙的不安全感推開了。在那個決定性的下午，當我把洗好的衣服放在一邊并且抬起腳的時候，這一次我決定走近她——是為了體驗而不是為了評判，是去和她擁抱而不是爭斗。畢竟，她是我的妹妹。★

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