水餃Ｖｓ牛排：中澳男人大比拼

Belinda Tomlins-Liu has been referring to herself as a Jinan local since February 2004.

芘琳達，從2004年2月開始到現在，稱自己是一個濟南本地人。

作為一個才20多歲、剛結婚還沒多久、住在濟南的澳大利亞人，我被問的頻率最高的問題是，“中國的丈夫和澳大利亞的丈夫有什么不同？”那么，今天我索性一次性地把大家都關心的這個問題說個明白。

首先，需要說清楚，我可沒有兩個丈夫。我倒是希望有兩個。有雙份的生日禮物，雙份的工資，和雙份的愛，恐怕還不是我一個人的想法。但是，遺憾的是，澳大利亞和中國現行的法律都不允許這樣的關系存在。所以，我只能有一個丈夫了，而且是個中國人。所以我只有拿我媽媽的丈夫（沒錯，就是我的老爸）和我姐姐的丈夫做案例來同我自己的丈夫做比較了。我曾問過我丈夫，我是否可以為了研究這一話題而專門去找個臨時的澳大利亞丈夫，但碰了釘子。看來，我丈夫對這個浪漫的話題沒什么興趣。

那么現在就開始我們的比較吧。第一點不同，公平地說，這一點確實不能把責任都推到中國男人的身上。澳大利亞男人大多是在有四五個孩子的大家庭里被拉扯大的。在他們的童年生活里，他們學會了打架、分享和被戲弄。如果他們學不到這些最基本的人與人之間相處的技巧，恐怕永遠達不到5歲兒童應該具有的能力。相信我，這絕對是我的真實經歷！中國男人正相反，他們從小在只有一個孩子的家庭長大，得到的是一大群親戚的溺愛。他們沒有兄弟姐妹可以打架，分享玩具，也從來沒有因為滿臉青春痘、肌肉不發達和不時髦而一直被妹妹取笑的煩惱。這樣的結果就是，中國男人往往還沒做好準備就進入了神圣的結婚殿堂，就像是送一個只裝備了一支彈弓的士兵去一個無人的戰場。相反的，澳大利亞男人全副武裝，他們會將全世界帶入下一個冰河世紀。

另一點不同，要算是在家里做家務這個方面了。如今，我作為一個在7個孩子的大家庭里長大的女人，感到很可笑的是，一個男人，永遠都希望他的妻子獨立撫養孩子，有一份工作，把家里打掃得干干凈凈防止第三世界流行病毒的爆發。我的意思是，我們當然可以做得很好，可就連瑪莎·斯圖爾特還進監獄呢！所以，如果一個澳大利亞妻子叫她的丈夫幫忙做家務，5分鐘的工夫，她的丈夫就能用吸塵器清潔完整個房間，洗完兩個人的車，打掃完浴室，再加上修整完草坪。任何懶惰的行為都會被他們的擔憂所戰勝。擔憂的來源一個是岳母的到訪，另一個就是離婚訴狀。在澳大利亞，這是對付不順從的丈夫最管用的兩個方式。再說說中國男人吧，讓一個中國男人去做家務簡直就像是讓一頭母牛沿著中國的萬里長城倒著走一趟。任你用什么樣的戰略去對付他，結果總會失敗（除非你很幸運地嫁了一個上海男人）。在過去的3年里，我試過懇求、乞求、哭鬧、輕聲耳語、軟磨硬泡、威脅、勸說、賄賂、甚至勒索，可能形容得有失準確，反正他是一點也沒聽進去。我就連最古老的借口——“我打算讓我媽媽過來，跟她聊一會”也不管用，因為她過來要坐8個小時的飛機。

在陪老婆購物這方面，澳大利亞男人和中國男人也存在著不同之處。讓一個澳大利亞丈夫陪你逛街，除非去看電子產品和汽車，不然就會看到他借機會溜走。澳大利亞男人寧愿因開車超速被一個18歲的女警官逮住，也不愿在女士內衣百貨店生悶氣，或者幫你挑一條好看的牛仔褲。然而，中國男人就不同了，他們不僅會陪你逛街，還會幫你拎包，替你買單，甚至還會在你待在試衣間的時候幫你調換稍小一號的蕾絲內衣。

我想說的最后一點不同，就是兩國的丈夫們對待“男人們的夜生活”的態度了。在澳大利亞，如果一個男人想與他的同性朋友們一起出去看球賽或者喝啤酒，他很有可能會帶上他的另一半一起去。眾所周知，澳大利亞的女人們在喝酒上總是比男人稍勝一籌，甚至觀看球賽電視轉播的時候比她們的丈夫們還要激動和興奮。所以，讓老婆們留在家里，就等于是讓她們在家中開派對，這可不是一個明智的選擇。在中國，男人們的夜生活不是很少見，甚至是天天都有。他們不管是出去打麻將，打撲克牌，還是去KTV，中國的老婆們不可避免地都會在凌晨兩點被喝得醉醺醺回家的丈夫們吵醒。這也許就是為什么一到晚上7點半，中國的健身房都會有很多年輕漂亮的妻子們在做瑜珈，按說這個時間她們應該在享受二人世界啊。

我希望以上這些簡單的比較可以解答你們的所有的疑問。無論你喜歡什么類型的男人，一定要選一個愛你的男人。因為最終不管你嫁給鱷魚鄧迪還是成龍都不重要，重要的是只要你開心就好。

As a twenty-something Australian newly-wed living in Jinan the question I get asked most often is inevitably， that are the differences between Chinese husbands and Australian husbands?” So， today I’m going to， once and for all， answer the question that seems to be on everybody’s lips.

Firstly， I want to make it clear that I do not have two husbands.I would like to have two husbands， for who wouldn’t want double the birthday gifts， double the pay checks， and double the love.But， unfortunately， current law in both Australia and China prohibits this kind of relationship.I only have one husband and he is Chinese， so I’m going to have to take my mother’s husband (yes that would be my dad) and my sister’s husbands as examples for the comparison.I did ask my husband if I could have an Australian husband for a short period of time for research purposes， but it seems that my husband’s interest in the science of romance is rather narrow.

Let’s begin our analysis with a look at the first difference which， to be fair， is one that we can’t really blame on the men themselves.Australian men are usually raised， or more realistically dragged up in a big rowdy family of four to five kids.Throughout their childhood， they’ve learnt to fight， share， and cop a bit of teasing.If they fail to learn these basic interpersonal skills， they probably won’t make it past their fifth birthdays. Trust me， I’m writing from personal experience here!Chinese men， on the other hand， are inevitably raised in only-child families by an army of doting relatives. They have no siblings to fight or share toys with and no annoying little sisters to tease them incessantly about their face full of acne， miniscule muscles， or out-dated fashion sense.The result of this is that Chinese men inevitably enter the sacred bond of marriage hideously ill-equipped.In fact， it is like sending a soldier armed with only a sling-shot into no-man’s land.Australian men， conversely speaking， are armed with enough weaponry to blow the entire world into the next ice-age.

The next difference I can see is how the men react to requests for help around the house.Now， as a woman who has been raised in a household of seven children I find it laughable that a man would ever expect their wife to single-handedly raise the children， hold down a job， and keep the house at a level of cleanliness that avoids the outbreak of third-world epidemics.I mean， we are good， but even Martha Stewart ended up in prison! So， if an Australian wife asks her husband to help out around the house within five minutes flat he has vacuumed the entire house， washed both cars， cleaned the bathroom， and mowed the lawn.Any innate laziness is always overcome by pure fear which usually comes in the form of a visit from his mother-in-law or a petition for divorce which are the two most favoured ways of dealing with recalcitrant hubbies down under.Asking a Chinese man to do housework is like trying to get a cow to walk backwards along the Great Wall of China.You can try any strategy you like， but all are doomed to failure (Unless you’ve been lucky enough to snag a husband from Shanghai).Over the past three years I have pleaded， begged， cried， whispered softly and seductively into his ear， threatened， reasoned，bribed， and blackmailed not exactly in that order but they have achieved nothing.I can’t even use the old， “I’m inviting my mother around for a little chat”card as she is an eight-hour flight away.

Shopping is another area where Australian and Chinese men differ to bizarre degrees.To require an Australian husband to take you shopping for anything other than power tools， or new cars is to see him flee for cover.An Australian man would rather be caught speeding by an eighteen-year-old female police officer than forced to sulk around the lingerie department or help you choose the most flattering pair of jeans.Chinese husbands， however， will not only personally escort you shopping， but will hold your bags， pay for the purchases and exchange the lacy bra for a smaller size while you’re waiting in the dressing-room.

The final difference I have to mention is the men’s differing attitudes towards the “boys’ night out?In Australia， if a husband wants to spend some alone time with his male friends watching sport or drinking beer， it’s safe to say that he’sl probably bring his better half along anyway.It is a well-known fact that Australian women are usually better at drinking and more rowdy at televised sporting events than their male counterparts. So， to leave them at home is to leave the life of the party at home not a smart move.In China， however， boys?nights out are not a rare event， but a nightly occurrence.Whether their poison is mahjong， cards， or karaoke， wives around China are inevitably woken at two in morning by the return of their baiju-soaked husbands.This probably explains the fact that the gyms around China are filled with young beautiful wives doing yoga at 7:30pm when they should probably be out enjoying married life.

I hope this brief comparison has answered all of your questions.Whatever your taste in men is， just remember to find one that loves you， for in the end it doesn’t really matter whether you marry Crocodile Dundee or Jacky Chan just as long as you are happy.