幽默放送

不知道拿破侖病了

杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。

“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎？上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

你造成的饑荒

在旅館大廳里，一個(gè)非常瘦的人遇到了一個(gè)非常胖的人。

胖子說：“看你的樣子，可能有過饑荒。”

“是的，”瘦子回答說，“看你的樣子，饑荒可能是你造成的。”

Fat Man and Thin Man

A very thin man met a very fat man in the hotel lobby.

"From your looks," said the fat man, "there might have been a famine."

"Yes," was the reply, "and from your looks, you might have caused it."

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎答案：

1. Eyes

2. Secretary

拳擊和賽跑

丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個(gè)粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”

朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個(gè)比他高大，健壯而且也會(huì)拳擊的人怎么辦？”

丹：“我也會(huì)教他怎么樣賽跑的。”

Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so Im teaching my boy to fight."

Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, whos also been taught how to box."

Dan: "Im teaching him how to run, too."

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎：

1. 什么球可以看見所有的景物？

2. 什么書不能看?

吃醋的妻子

從前有個(gè)妻子醋勁很大。一天晚上丈夫回家，她沒有從他衣服上找到頭發(fā)，于是大叫：“好啊，現(xiàn)在你開始和禿頭的女人騙我了！”

第二天晚上，她沒有從丈夫衣服上聞到香水味，于是又大叫：“她不但是個(gè)禿頭，而且很窮酸，連香水都不買。”

A Jealous Wife

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldnt find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him," Great, so now youre cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didnt smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "Shes not only bald, but shes too cheap to buy any perfume!"