幽默放送

世界上最偉大的擊劍手

在一場世界最佳擊劍手表演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一只蒼蠅放了出來，劍劃了一個弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一只蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。

他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來——然而那只昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標，然而他還在微笑著。

“你為什么這么高興？”有人嚷道，“你沒擊中!”

“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的——但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。”

The Worlds Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the worlds best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc,but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

“Why are you so happy?"someone yelled. “You missed!”

“Ah,”replied the swordsman,”you werent watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes,but he will never be a father.

沒關系

我趕著開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的。“啊噢，”意識到犯了錯誤，我說。“我剛才拐彎是違章的。”

“我想那沒關系的，”女兒回答說：“我們后面的警車也同樣拐了彎。”

All Right

Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. “Uh-oh,”I said, realizing my mistake.”I just make an illegal turn.?

“I guess it's all right.”my daughter replied,”The police car behind us did the same thing.

天氣預報

一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作。一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說“明天下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

一周后,印度人又來告訴導演說,“明天有風暴。”果然,第二天下了暴雨。

“印度人真神,”導演說，他告訴秘書雇傭該印度人來預報天氣。

幾次預報都很成功，然后,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了。

最后,導演派人去把他叫來了。“我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,”導演說,“這得靠你了，明天天氣如何啊?”

印度人聳了聳肩，“我不知道,”印度人說,“收音機壞了。”

Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.?The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.?The next day there was a hailstorm.

“This Indian is incredible,?said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,?said the director, “and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. “Dont know,”he said. “Radio is broken.”

三聲口哨

我答應過我的女朋友過生日送她一條金項鏈。可是當珠寶商報出我們看中的那條項鏈的價格時，我低低地打了個長口哨。

“那這條項鏈多少錢呢？”我指著另一個盤子里的項鏈問。

“先生，對你來說，”珠寶商答道，“大約值三聲口哨。”

Three Whistles

I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. “And how much are they then”I asked, pointing to another tray.

“You, sir,”replied the jeweler, “about three whistles.

腦筋急轉彎

1. 誰喜歡出口傷人？

2. 什么人的工作整天忙得團團轉？