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閱讀下表，以Global Shortage of Fresh Water為題寫一篇短文。

詞數：100—120

學生習作：

Global Shortage of Fresh Water

Fresh water seems in① everywhere, in rivers, lakes, wells as well as rain, which make② some people think that we cant use up water.

In fact, global shortage of fresh water is getting more and more serious with the development of industry and the raising③ population. We are using much more water than what our earth can provide. Just imagining④ the pictures of the waste lands around the world and the poor children in African deserts who need water bad⑤. Whats worse, much water has already been polluted, making it unfit to drink.

Therefore, we should pay attention to this. To protect our valuable water resource⑥, we should value every drop of water. To save our lives, to save water!

名師點評：①everywhere為副詞，前面不可加介詞修飾，因此應去掉in。②which代表主句內容，應視為單數，所以make應改為makes。③此處表示“正在上升的”，而不表示“正在提高”，因此raising應改為rising。④該句為祈使句，因此imagining應改為imagine。⑤need為行為動詞，應用副詞修飾，所以bad應改為badly。⑥resource為可數名詞，而地球的水源較多，因此resource應改為resources。

點評：作者根據寫作要求從人們的觀點、實際情況和我們該怎么辦三個角度表達文意，文章條理清晰，脈絡分明，層次感較強。In fact, Whats worse, Therefore等過渡性詞匯的準確貼切使用既增強了語句間的連貫性和邏輯性，又增強了觀點的感染性和說服力。Just, already等情感性副詞的使用使文章情感濃烈，真摯感人。which引導的定語從句、that引導的賓語從句、what引導的賓語從句、who引導的定語從句等高級表達方式的運用增強了文章的表達效果，提高了文章的表達檔次。此外還有不少句子結構對稱和諧、豐滿勻稱，充滿美感。所有這些成為本文一道道亮麗的風景。然而本文也存在不足之處，出現了一些語言表達方面的錯誤，如介詞錯誤、主謂語一致錯誤、易混動詞選擇錯誤、非謂語動詞錯誤、形容詞副詞混用錯誤、名詞單復數錯誤，表明作者語言表達能力還不夠成熟，有待于今后進一步提高。然而從總體上講本文不失為一篇成功之作，值得廣大讀者模仿。

參考答案：

Global Shortage of Fresh Water

Fresh water seems everywhere, in rivers, lakes, wells as well as rain, which makes some people think that we cant use up water.

In fact, global shortage of fresh water is getting more and more serious with the development of industry and the rising population. We are using much more water than what our earth can provide. Just imagine the pictures of the waste lands around the world and the poor children in African deserts who need water badly. Whats worse, much water has already been polluted, making it unfit to drink.

Therefore, we should pay attention to this. To protect our valuable water resources, we should value every drop of water. To save our lives, to save water!