頂著“幸運之星”的“傻瓜”

I was at a dinner in London given in honor of1) one of the most celebrated English military men of his time. I do not want to tell you his real name and titles. I will just call him Lieutenant General2) Lord3) Arthur Scoresby.

I can not describe my excitement when I saw this great and famous man. There he sat. The man himself， in person， all covered with medals. I could not take my eyes off him. He seemed to show the true mark of greatness. His fame had no effect on him.

The hundreds of eyes watching him， the worship of so many people did not seem to make any difference to him.

Next to me sat a clergyman4)， who was an old friend of mine. He was not always a clergyman. During the first half of his life， he was a teacher in the military school at Woolwich5). There was a strange look in his eye as he leaned toward me and whispered， \"Privately—he is a complete fool.\" He meant， of course， the hero of our dinner.

This came as a shock to me. I looked hard at my friend. I could not have been more surprised if he had said the same thing about Napoleon， or Socrates6)， or Solomon7).

But I was sure of two things about the clergyman. He always spoke the truth. And his judgment of men was good. Therefore， I wanted to find out more about our hero as soon as I could.

Some days later I got a chance to talk with the clergyman and he told me more. These are his exact words:

\"About forty years ago， I was an instructor in the military academy at Woolwich， when young Scoresby was given his first examination. I felt extremely sorry for him. Everybody answered the questions well， intelligently， while he—why， dear me—he did not know anything， so to speak. He was a nice， pleasant young man. It was painful to see him stand there and give answers that were miracles of stupidity.

\"I knew of course that when examined again he would fail and be thrown out. So， I said to myself， it would be a simple， harmless act to help him， as much as I could.

\"I took him aside and found he knew a little about Julius Caesar8)'s history. But he did not know anything else. So I went to work and tested him and worked him like a slave. I made him work， over and over again， on a few questions about Caesar which I knew he would be asked.

\"If you will believe me， he came through very well on the day of the examination. He got high praise， too， while others who knew a thousand times more than he were sharply criticized. By some strange， lucky accident， he was asked no questions but those I made him study. Such an accident does not happen more than once in a hundred years.

\"Well， all through his studies， I stood by him， with the feeling a mother has for a disabled child. And he always saved himself， by some miracle.

\"I thought that what in the end would destroy him would be the mathematics examination. I decided to make his end as painless as possible. So， I pushed facts into his stupid head for hours. Finally， I let him go to the examination to experience what I was sure would be his dismissal9) from school. Well， sir， try to imagine the result. I was shocked out of my mind. He took first prize! And he got the highest praise.

\"I felt guilty day and night—what I was doing was not right. But I only wanted to make his dismissal a little less painful for him. I never dreamed it would lead to such strange， laughable results.

\"I thought that sooner or later one thing was sure to happen: The first real test once he was through school would ruin him.

\"Then， the Crimean War10) broke out. I felt sad for him that there had to be a war. Peace would have given this donkey a chance to escape from ever being found out as being so stupid. Nervously， I waited for the worst to happen. It did. He was appointed an officer. A captain， of all things11)! Who could have dreamed that they would place such a responsibility on such weak shoulders as his.

\"I said to myself that I was responsible to the country for this. I must go with him and protect the nation against him as far as I could. So， I joined up with him. And away we went to the field.

\"And there—oh， dear， it was terrible. Mistakes， fearful mistakes—why， he never did anything that was right—nothing but mistakes. But， you see， nobody knew the secret of how stupid he really was. Everybody misunderstood his actions. They saw his stupid mistakes as works of great intelligence. They did， honestly! His smallest mistakes made a man in his right mind cry—and shout and scream， too—to himself， of course. And what kept me in a continual fear was the fact that every mistake he made increased his glory and fame.

\"I kept saying to myself that when at last they find out about him， it will be like the sun falling out of the sky.

\"He continued to climb up， over the dead bodies of his superiors12). Then， in the hottest moment of one battle down went our colonel13). My heart jumped into my mouth， for Scoresby was the next in line to take his place. Now， we are in for14) it， I said.

\"The battle grew hotter. The English and their allies were steadily retreating all over the field. Our regiment15) occupied a position that was extremely important. One mistake now would bring total disaster. And what did Scoresby do this time? He just mistook his left hand for his right hand...that was all. An order came for him to fall back16) and support our right. Instead， he moved forward and went over the hill to the left.

We were over the hill before this insane17) movement could be discovered and stopped. And what did we find? A large and unsuspecting18) Russian army waiting! And what happened? Were we all killed? That is exactly what would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. But no —those surprised Russians thought that no one regiment by itself would come around there at such a time.

\"It must be the whole British army， they thought. They turned tail19). Away they went over the hill and down into the field in wild disorder， and we after them. In no time， there was the greatest turn-around you ever saw. The allies turned defeat into a sweeping and shining victory.

\"The allied commander looked on， his head spinning20) with wonder， surprise and joy. He sent right off for Scoresby， and put his arms around him and hugged him on the field in front of all the armies.

\"Scoresby became famous that day as a great military leader， honored throughout the world. That honor will never disappear while history books last.

\"He is just as nice and pleasant as ever， but he still does not know enough to come in out of the rain. He is the stupidest man in the universe.

\"Until now， nobody knew it but Scoresby and myself. He has been followed， day by day， year by year， by a strange luck. He has been a shining soldier in all our wars for years. He has filled his whole military life with mistakes. Every one of them brought him another honorary title.

\"Look at his chest， flooded with British and foreign medals. Well， sir， every one of them is the record of some great stupidity or other. They are proofs that the best thing that can happen to a man is to be born lucky. I say again， as I did at the dinner， Scoresby's a complete fool.\"

我出席了一個在倫敦舉辦的宴會，宴會專為向當時最著名的一位英國將領致敬而舉辦。我就不和大家說他的真名和各種頭銜了，我就稱呼他亞瑟·斯科斯比中校閣下好了。

見到這位鼎鼎有名的大人物時，我的興奮簡直無以言表。他就端坐在那兒。是他本人，親自坐在那兒，全身披掛著各種勛章。我沒辦法把自己的視線從他身上挪開。他的表現有真正的大家風范，盛名似乎對他毫無影響。

上百雙眼睛注視著他，那么多人的頂禮膜拜似乎都讓他覺得無所謂。

一位牧師坐在我旁邊，他是我的老朋友了。他也不是一直都是牧師，他前半輩子是伍利奇一所軍校的教官。他身子湊近我，眼神有點異樣，低聲說：“我這是私底下跟你說啊，他就是一個徹頭徹尾的大笨蛋。”他當然是指我們這個晚宴的主角。

這讓我非常吃驚。我盯著我的這位朋友。要是他說的是拿破侖、蘇格拉底或者所羅門，我也不過如此驚訝。

但是對于這位牧師朋友，他身上有兩點我是確信的：其一是他總是說真話；其二是他辨人有道。因此，對于我們這位大英雄，我想盡快了解到更多的內幕。

幾天后，我有了個機會和牧師聊天，他告訴我更多的事情。以下是他的原話：

“大約四十年前，我還是伍利奇一所軍校的教官，那時年少的斯科斯比正在接受新兵初試。我特別同情他。其他每個學生都能把問題回答得很聰明，很好。可他呢——天啊，怎么會這樣呢——這么說吧，他什么都不知道。他人倒是不錯的，是個討人喜歡的年輕人。看他站在那里回答問題，每次回答都是出奇的愚蠢——那可真是件讓人痛苦的事。

“我當然知道要是再考一次，他準不及格，準會被開除。因此，我就想啊，盡可能幫他一把吧，那應該是很簡單、對誰都沒什么害處的事。

“我把他叫到一邊，發現對于尤利烏斯·愷撒那段歷史，他還是知道一點的，但除此之外就一無所知了。于是，我就忙活開了，我反復考他，像使喚奴隸那樣讓他學習。我讓他就幾個我知道一定要問他的、關于愷撒的問題反復學習。

“要是你相信我的話，考試那天他很輕松地通過了。還得到了極大的贊賞，而其他比他知道的多得多的學生卻受到了嚴厲的批評。靠著某種奇怪的機緣巧合，除了我教他回答的那些問題，考官就沒問他別的！這樣的巧合可是百年不遇的。

“這么說吧，在他完成學業的過程中，我一直陪著他，對他就像一位母親對待自己智障的孩子那樣。而且他也每次都能神奇地自救。

“我想最后終結掉他的可能會是數學考試。我決定盡量讓他的結局別太痛苦。于是，我花了好幾個小時把知識灌輸進他那笨腦袋里去。最終，我讓他去參加考試了，我想那考試一定會讓他退學。唉，先生，試想一下結局吧。我都快給嚇傻了，他居然得了第一！得了最高獎。

“我日夜感到內疚——我做的不對啊。可我只是想讓他離開時少些痛苦而已。我從來沒想過這會導致這些離奇的、可笑的結果。

“我琢磨著遲早會有這樣的事情發生：他完成學業后的第一次真正意義上的考試一定會毀了他。

“后來，克里米亞戰爭爆發了。我真替他感到難過，因為到底還是要打仗了。太平盛世或許還能給這頭笨驢一個機會，讓人們永遠發現不了他竟有這么蠢。我緊張地等待著倒霉透頂的事情發生。還真發生了。他被任命為軍官。居然還是個上尉！誰做夢能想到他們會把這樣的重任放到他如此孱弱的肩膀上！

“我暗想，看來我要為國家負起這個責任了，我一定要跟著他，盡可能讓我的國家免受其害。就這樣，我跟他一起參了軍，我們一起出發去了前線。

“在那兒——哦，我的天啊，真是太糟糕了。失誤，可怕的失誤——他從來就沒做對過一件事情——除了失誤還是失誤。可是，你知道嗎，那里沒人知道他要多蠢有多蠢這個秘密。人人都錯誤地理解他采取的行動。他們把他愚蠢的失誤都理解成天才的創意。他們真這么想的，我說的可是實話！他最小的失誤曾讓一個思維正常的人痛哭流涕——連喊帶叫的——當然是暗地對自己。而令我真正持久地感到恐懼的是，他的每個錯誤都給他帶來了更大的榮譽和聲望。

“我不斷跟自己說，當人們有朝一日發現他的真面目時，那就會像是太陽從天上掉下來一樣。

“他的上司一個個陣亡了，他的級別就越來越高。后來，在戰斗最激烈的時候我們的上校也倒下了。我的心提到了嗓子眼兒，因為按照職位順序下一個能頂替他的就是斯科斯比了。現在，終于要輪到我們倒霉了，我說。

“戰斗更加激烈了。英軍和他們的聯軍正從戰場上全線撤退。而我們團所處的位置又是極端重要的。一招失手就會滿盤皆輸。這次他干了什么呢？他只是把左手錯當成右手而已……就這么簡單。有命令讓他后撤，增援我們的右翼部隊，可他卻前進，翻過小山，去了左翼。

“在這個荒唐的行動還未被發覺并制止之前，我們已經翻過了小山。我們看到了什么呢？等在那里的是一支毫無防備的俄軍大隊！結果怎么著？我們都被殺了嗎？那可是有99%的幾率會發生的事。可是沒有——這些吃驚的俄國人根本不相信就一個團的兵力會在那個當口獨立在那附近行動。

“一定是全部英軍，他們想。他們調轉屁股就跑。他們翻過了小山，狼狽不堪地沖到戰場，我們則窮追不舍。剎那間，戰事發生了前所未有的驚天大逆轉。聯軍把敗北變成了橫掃千軍的偉大勝利。

“聯軍指揮官看著，他的頭因為驚奇、詫異和快樂而暈眩。他馬上派人叫來斯科斯比，在全軍面前把他摟在懷里，緊緊抱著。

“斯科斯比那天一戰成名，作為軍事指揮官，贏得了全世界的尊敬。只要歷史書還在，他的光榮就會永垂不朽。

“他還像以前一樣人不錯，討人喜歡，可是他連下雨也不知道進屋來。他是全宇宙最愚蠢的人。

“直到今天，除了斯高斯比和我，誰也不知道這事兒。日復一日，年復一年，詭異的運氣就這么跟隨著他。在我們多年的戰斗中，他一直是一位光芒四射的軍官。他的行軍生涯全是由錯誤鑄成的，可是每個錯誤都為他贏得下一個榮譽頭銜。

“看看他的胸前，全是英國或者外國的榮譽勛章。可是，先生，每枚都是他這樣或者那樣的登峰造極的愚蠢的記錄。它們充分證明一個人最好像他那樣出生時頂著‘幸運之星’。我再說一次，就像我上次宴會說的那樣，斯科斯比是個不折不扣的大傻瓜。”

Vocabulary

1.in honor of: 向……表示敬意，為祝賀……

2.Lieutenant General：陸軍(或空軍、海軍陸戰隊)中將

3.Lord [lC:d] n. 閣下，大人(用作某些高官和地位高的人的頭銜)

4.clergyman [5klE:dVImEn][宗] n. 牧師，教士

5.Woolwich: 伍利奇，英國倫敦東南部格林尼治區的一個城郊地區，位于泰晤士河右岸。

6. Socrates [5sCkrEti:z] 蘇格拉底(前469～前399)，著名的古希臘哲學家，他和他的學生柏拉圖及柏拉圖的學生亞里士多德被并稱為“希臘三賢”。他被后人廣泛認為是西方哲學的奠基者。

7.Solomon [5sClEmEn] 所羅門(?～932BC)，政治家，統一了以色列，歷史上傳說他在位時期是猶太歷史上的黃金時代，同時對后世的文學藝術也產生了深遠影響。

8.Julius Caesar: 尤利烏斯·愷撒(前102～前44年)，也稱愷撒大帝，羅馬共和國末期杰出的軍事統帥、政治家，前44年遭暗殺身亡。

9.dismissal [dIs5mIsEl] n. 開除

10.Crimean War: 克里米亞戰爭。1853年，為爭奪巴爾干半島的控制權，土耳其、英國、法國、撒丁王國等先后向俄國宣戰，戰爭一直持續到1856年，以沙皇俄國的失敗而告終。這是世界史上的第一次現代化戰爭，它從軍事上和政治上改變了歐洲列強之間的地位和關系。

11.of all things: 偏偏；真沒想到，怎么搞的(表示驚訝，憤慨等)

12.superior [sju:5pIErIE(r)] n. 上級

13.colonel [5kE:nl] n. 上校

14.in for: 即將體驗到(尤指不愉快的事情)

15regiment [5redVImEnt] n. 團(由至少兩個營組成的地面部隊的軍隊單位，通常由一位中校指揮)

16.fall back: 后退

17.insane [In5seIn] adj. 極愚蠢的

18.unsuspecting

[7QnsEs5pektIN] adj. 不懷疑的， 無疑慮的

19.turn tail: 逃跑

20.spin [spIn] vi. 眩暈

賞析

本文從一位牧師的視角，描述了一位戰功赫赫的將軍的“另類”成功史——一個一直被“幸運之神”眷顧的“傻瓜”的成功。作者利用這個故事巧妙地引出了一個話題——運氣。生活中總是有一些人習慣于把別人的成功歸結為運氣和上帝的“偏愛”，而忽略了別人的付出和努力，這樣做也許是為自己的碌碌無為找個心安理得的理由。

文中的牧師與將軍有著幾乎相同的生活軌跡，但結果卻完全不同，最后一事無成。更可悲的是，牧師仍然還在喋喋不休地傳播他的“運氣論”。他也許還不明白一個道理，那就是“幸運之神”不可能無緣無故地“降臨”。

文章的作者為美國著名的幽默大師和短篇小說家馬克·吐溫。他用含蓄而幽默的小故事刻畫了一個鮮明的人物形象——一位看不到別人身上優點的“牧師”。當我們看到別人的成功時， 應該更多地看到別人身上的優點，看到他們為成功所做的努力，以激勵自己，提高自己。只有這樣，才能在運氣“降臨”時發現它、抓住它，并借助它走向成功。