“整蠱”圣誕祝福

佘壯

圣誕節是幸福的日子，因為我們可以收獲滿滿的祝福。在嚴寒的冬天，在圣誕節來臨之際，當你掏出手機，發現自己竟然幸運地收到下面這些“另類”的祝福，你是否會覺得這個冬天不再那么寒冷了？

In Spring Festival， chinese eat dumplings with chopsticks， on the Mid-Autumn Day， one eats moon cake with his hands， during Christmas ，people use a knife and fork to eat roast goose. Now， Christmas is coming， you had better hide it， lest cutlery fell on the body.

春節人們用筷子吃餃子，中秋節人們用手吃月餅，圣誕節人們用刀叉吃燒鵝。現在，圣誕節快到了，你還是躲一下吧，免得刀叉落到身上。

If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window， grabs you and puts you in a sack。Dont worry ，I told Santa I wanted you for christmas.

如果某天晚上一個胖子跳進你的窗戶，抓起你往麻袋里塞，別擔心。那是我告訴圣誕老人，我要你做我的圣誕禮物。

Christmas is almost upon us again， just remember to put your socks in bed ， I have made my mind to let Santa Claus send you one cock and one hen， When the rooster says： “ eggs！ Lay eggs！ ” the hen will say ：“be happy！ be happy！” I wish you have a happy christmas！

圣誕節到了，記得在床頭放襪子，我決定讓圣誕老人送你一只公雞和一只母雞，因為公雞會說：“生蛋！生蛋！”，母雞會說：“快了！快了！”祝你圣誕節快樂！

Christmas Eve， it was raining and damp， so was your mood. you just looked blankly at the cold sky out of the window， and kept watching. I came to you and said gently： “My little dog， please come in， Santa Claus will not send the bones to you this time.”

平安夜，下著雨，濕濕的，心情也如此潮濕……你就這樣呆呆地望著陰冷的窗外，癡癡地守望著。我走過來輕輕地對你說：“旺財，進去吧，圣誕老人不會送骨頭來了。”

Your happiness， I will construct； you confused， I will make up for you； your covet， I will satisfy it； your willful， I will yield； And its my duty to love you， because I am right to be a pig raiser.

你的幸福，我來建筑；你的糊涂，我來彌補；你的貪圖，我來滿足；你的任性，我來讓步；愛護你，非我莫屬，誰讓我是養豬專業戶。

To save paper， you need not sent me Christmas cards this day， please write your message directly on the banknotes as large as possible.

為節約用紙，今天就不用送我圣誕賀卡了，請把祝詞直接寫在盡可能大的紙幣上就行了！

Not only will I miss you on a day like this， but I can harass you fair and square during this day， and tell you： “Merry Chismas！”

不只這樣的日子才會想起你，而是這樣的日子才能正大光明地騷擾你，告訴你：“圣誕要快樂！”

I asked the air for the postman，to bundle up my deep thoughts， to print my sincerity on the postmark. and to express it with a constant temperature of 37 degrees. And the recipient is you， wish you a happy Christmas！

我托空氣為郵差，把我深深的思念裝訂成包裹，印上真心為郵戳，37°恒溫快遞，收件人是你，祝你圣誕快樂！