Can You Spare a Dime, Sister? Depends ¡¬ 我是一個吝嗇鬼

誰說“由儉入奢易，由奢入儉難”？對我來說，由儉入奢一點也不容易。小時候家里窮，我用錢自然是摳門得很，省之又省。可如今，早已甩掉“窮小孩”身份的我卻仍一如既往地將摳門進行到底，這是為什么呢？因為我內心深處總有一個聲音不斷提醒我：“你擁有的還不夠多。”難道摳門和吝嗇也會“習慣成自然”？

The events of our childhood often impact the way we look at money and wealth. I’ve been fascinated by the psychological impacts of money for as long as I can remember， mostly because I grew up in a family that didn’t have much of it and then trekked1) off to college on oodles of2) financial aid， surrounded by kids with trust funds so large that they’d never have to work. How come I debated3) about whether or not I wanted pepperoni on my pizza (that added an extra $0.50 to my lunch bill) and they could order without even looking at the prices on the menus at the most expensive restaurants in town?

My annual tuition was larger than my mom’s annual salary. As a result， I was a prime candidate for grants， low-interest government loans， and work-study assignments. Those sources of money covered my classes， books， and housing. Then I just had to worry about feeding myself. I signed up for psychology experiments being done by grad students at my university—a few of those in an afternoon， and I was able to get food for the week.

With very little disposable income， I was always on the hunt for a bargain. By my sophomore year， I figured out how to get by on about $50 a week. Food trucks4) and thrift shops5) were my saving graces， literally.

Today， even though I am in a very good financial position， that miser of my younger self can still be found in my day-to-day activities. I’ve put myself on a strict savings plan， socking away6) 20% of my take-home pay in cash in my savings account. I refuse to pay a broker’s fee for an apartment. I review my credit card statement with a fine-toothed comb7) every month. I have yet to ever buy anything without looking at the price tag， from a restaurant meal to an item of clothing to a roll of paper towels. I can save $0.25 if I buy this brand of laundry detergent8) instead of that one? Of course I want to save that quarter!

I comparison-shop9) to the point that I can’t subject10) another human being to shopping with me; my endless bargain hunting is enough to drive anyone insane. (Well， except my sister， Weez. One of our Sunday morning bonding activities when we lived together was to eat cinnamon rolls， that of course we bought on sales and in bulk11)， while clipping coupons.) Just today， I stopped in to CVS12) to pick up milk—$1.69 for a quart. In my old neighborhood bodega， that same quart of milk is $0.79. I actually thought about taking the subway up there to save $0.90. I didn’t， but I thought about it.

This is what happens to kids who grow up poor and then work like heck13) to become adults who have more financial stability. We can take the poor kid out of the poor neighborhood， but that poor kid is going to think like a poor kid， no matter where she lives. During one particularly bad week during my childhood， my sister and I subsisted on14) saltine crackers and peanut butter every day. To this day I keep those two items in my cupboard in constant supply. Just in case.

What’s ironic is that my inner miser never rears her head15) in certain situations. I take my family and friends out for dinner. I tip generously. I love giving gifts. I’ve yet to go by a lemonade16) stand and not drop bills in the basket when a cup only costs about a dime. I contribute generously to charities that I believe do important work. And I love gadgets. I agonize over buying them， but once I take the plunge17) I will thoroughly enjoy tinkering with18) them.

When push comes to shove19)， I am always worried about money and always will be. Worried I’ll never have enough， that I’ll end up on the street， worried that I will lose a job to never find another one again， worried that the poor little girl I was is the poor little girl I will always be. And there’s a little embarrassment that always follows me around because when you grow up poor， it’s not that you don’t just have enough money. There’s also this nagging20) inside you， a tiny little voice that says maybe you’re not quite enough. In the end， the psychology of money isn’t about money at all—it’s about whether or not our opinions and hopes and dreams matter: are they even worth having if we don’t have the money to bring them to life.

I try very hard to put away these worries. Over the years I’ve found a way to stuff those concerns into a drawer， though I will tell you that it is a struggle for me to keep that drawer shut. At any moment， it’s on the brink of21) bursting， which I guess is why my inner-miser is here to stay. And so my daily worth is tied to my daily ability to manage these fears and concerns while also managing all the other aspects of my life. It’s a heavy load， and so far I haven’t found any way to put this legacy to rest22).

童年時的經歷往往會影響我們的金錢觀和財富觀。從我記事起，我就對金錢對人所產生的心理影響非常感興趣。究其原因，主要是因為我是在一個并不富裕的家庭中長大，靠著諸多助學金才好不容易上了大學，而我周圍的同學卻都擁有一份信托資金，數額巨大，有了它，他們一輩子不工作都可以。我吃比薩時總是為加不加意大利辣香腸而思來想去(加的話就意味著我的午餐費要增加50美分)，而他們卻可以在城里最貴的餐館里想點什么就點什么，連菜單上的價格都不瞧上一眼。這都是為什么呢？

我大學一年的學費比我媽媽一年的工資還高。所以，我是申請助學金、低息政府貸款和勤工儉學機會的最佳人選。這些資金來源能幫我支付學費、書本費和住宿費。因而，我只需操心養(yǎng)活自己的問題。我報名參加了我所在的大學里研究生們進行的心理實驗，一個下午參加幾個這樣的實驗，我就能賺到一周的伙食費。

我賺的錢里能用來自由支配的少得可憐，所以我總是搜尋便宜貨。到大學二年級時，我已經有辦法一周只靠大約50美元過活了。移動餐車和舊貨店就是我名副其實的省錢法寶。

如今，盡管我的經濟條件非常不錯了，但在日常生活中還是能發(fā)現那個年輕時吝嗇鬼一樣的我。我給自己制定了一個非常嚴格的存錢計劃，將稅后收入的20%都以現金的形式存入儲蓄賬戶。我拒絕通過中介找房子，免得支付傭金。每個月我都會仔仔細細地把我的信用卡賬單檢查一遍。無論是在餐館吃飯，還是買一件衣服，甚至是買一卷紙，我都不會不看價簽就掏錢。如果我買這個牌子的洗衣液而非那個牌子的就能少花25美分？那我當然要省下這25美分了！

我買東西都要貨比“多”家，挑剔異常，以至于到最后都找不到愿意陪我購物的人了：我沒完沒了地尋找便宜貨，光這一點就足以令任何人抓狂。(好吧，我妹妹維茲除外。我們住在一起那會兒，星期天上午最喜歡一起做的事情就是一邊剪優(yōu)惠券，一邊吃肉桂卷。當然，肉桂卷都是我們趁特價時大量采購回來的。)就在今天，我順路到一家便利店買牛奶，這里的牛奶標價是一夸脫1.69美元。在我以前居住的小區(qū)雜貨店，同樣是一夸脫的牛奶只賣79美分。事實上，我當時都想坐地鐵去那家店買了，就為了省90美分。我沒有真那么做，但當時真那么想了。

這就是我們這些窮孩子的真實寫照。小時候家里窮，長大后為了擁有更穩(wěn)定的經濟狀況拼命工作。我們可以帶這個窮小孩離開貧民區(qū)，但無論住在哪里，這個孩子仍然會按窮孩子的思維方式思考問題。小時候，有一個星期特別糟糕，我和妹妹每天只能靠蘇打餅干和花生醬糊口。直到今天，這兩樣東西都是我櫥柜里的必備品，就為了以防萬一。

不過，頗具諷刺意味的是，在某些情況下，我骨子里的這個吝嗇鬼卻從不站出來搗亂。我請家人和朋友去外面吃飯。給小費時我總是出手慷慨。我喜歡送別人禮物。每次經過賣檸檬汽水的小攤時，我會往籃子里擱幾張紙幣，雖然買一杯檸檬汽水只需要大概一角錢。我向慈善團體慷慨捐助，我認為它們在做有重要意義的工作。而且，我喜歡一些設計精巧的小玩意。關于買不買這些小玩意，我總是糾結不已，但一旦下定決心購買后，我就會完全沉浸于擺弄它們的樂趣中。

在形勢緊迫需要作出決定時，我總是為錢的問題擔驚受怕，而且相信以后也總是會有這樣的擔心。我總是擔心自己永遠賺不到足夠的錢；擔心自己會淪落街頭；擔心自己會失業(yè)，而且再也找不到新工作；擔心我這個曾經的窮女孩以后會一直是個窮女孩。而且不管我走到哪兒，心里總有那么一點困窘心理，因為如果你在一個貧窮的環(huán)境中長大，讓你覺得困窘的就不僅僅是因為你沒有足夠多的錢。你的身體里還有一個細微的聲音在絮絮叨叨不停地說：你擁有的也許還不夠。說到底，關于金錢的心理，其核心根本不在于金錢本身，而在于如果我們沒有足夠的錢把我們的想法、希望和夢想變?yōu)楝F實，那么這些想法、希望和夢想是否還重要，甚至是否還值得我們擁有。

我想方設法要擺脫自己對錢的諸多擔心。這些年我也的確找到了應對之策，那就是將所有這些擔心都塞進一個抽屜中。不過，不瞞你說，強迫自己不打開那個抽屜對我來說簡直是一種煎熬。抽屜中的東西仿佛隨時都有可能噴涌而出，我猜這就是為什么我內心那個吝嗇鬼一直都賴著不走的原因吧。因此，我每天的生存價值不僅體現在處理好生活的其他方方面面上，還體現在我是否有能力處理好這些與錢有關的恐懼和擔憂上。這可真是一個沉重的負擔，時至今日，我也沒有找到辦法來消除這個童年遺留下來的問題。

1.trek [trek] vi. (緩慢或艱難地)旅行；長途跋涉

2.oodles of ：〈口〉大量，許多

3.debate [d#618;#712;be#618;t] vi. 考慮，思量

4.food truck：移動餐車，售賣食物的大卡車

5.thrift shop：舊貨店

6.sock away：〈美口〉儲蓄，儲存(錢)

7.fine-toothed comb：仔細的搜查

8.detergent [d#618;#712;t#604;#720;d#658;#601;nt] n. 清潔劑

9.comparison-shop [k#601;m#712;paelig;r#618;sn#712;#643;#594;p] vi. 邊比較邊購物

10.subject [s#601;b#712;d#658;ekt] vt. 使遭受，使經受

11.in bulk：成批地

12.CVS：convenience store的縮寫，指便利商店

13.heck [hek] n. 用以加強語氣或咒罵，hell的委婉語

14.subsist on：依靠……生活

15.rear one’s head：抬起頭來，顯露出來

16.lemonade [#716;lem#601;#712;ne#618;d] n. 檸檬汽水

17.take the plunge：冒險嘗試

18.tinker with：瞎擺弄，笨手笨腳地做事

19.When push comes to shove：迫不得已要作出艱難決定時

20.nag [naelig;ɡ] vi. 嘮叨

21.on the brink of：瀕于

22.put to rest：解決，消除