2013年廣東高考基礎(chǔ)寫(xiě)作優(yōu)秀考場(chǎng)作文賞析

楊華新

2013年廣東高考早已落下帷幕，筆者參加了基礎(chǔ)寫(xiě)作的評(píng)卷工作，欣喜地發(fā)現(xiàn)部分考生的作文堪稱佳作，現(xiàn)輯錄幾篇，同大家一起來(lái)欣賞。

基礎(chǔ)寫(xiě)作（共1小題；滿分15分）

你接受了一項(xiàng)寫(xiě)作任務(wù)，要為英語(yǔ)校報(bào)寫(xiě)一篇時(shí)事快訊。

[寫(xiě)作內(nèi)容]

請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下信息，寫(xiě)一篇關(guān)于移民火星的快訊。

志愿者的選拔

到2015年，在全球選出約30名去火星的志愿者。

志愿者的條件

至少18歲；

做好不回地球的準(zhǔn)備；

愿與他人保持良好關(guān)系。

專家觀點(diǎn)

火星生活條件太艱苦；

面臨嚴(yán)寒氣候、孤獨(dú)和恐懼。

志愿者觀點(diǎn)

厭倦地球生活，想體驗(yàn)火星生活；

如果成功，就是人類英雄。

*火星：the Mars

[寫(xiě)作要求]

只能用5個(gè)句子表達(dá)全部?jī)?nèi)容。

[評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)]

句子結(jié)構(gòu)準(zhǔn)確，信息內(nèi)容完整，篇章結(jié)構(gòu)連貫。

范文1：

By 2015，there are around thirty people from all over the world to be chosen to go to the Mars. To meet the requirements， the volunteers should be 18 years old at least， ready to get along well with others and never return to the earth. When it comes to the views of some experts， they think that the life on the Mars is very tough because the volunteers have to face the severely cold weather， loneliness and fear. However， getting tired of living on the earth， the volunteers have been looking forward to experiencing the life on the Mars. If they fortunately succeed in surviving on the Mars， they will undoubtedly be regarded as the heroes of human beings.

亮點(diǎn)點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文的句型較靈活，第一句話用了there be結(jié)構(gòu)；第二句，動(dòng)詞不定式充當(dāng)目的狀語(yǔ)，第四句用了V-ing充當(dāng)原因狀語(yǔ)，以及have been looking現(xiàn)在完成進(jìn)行時(shí)，讓閱卷老師眼前一亮。文章所用詞匯也很生動(dòng)，如tough， fortunately和undoubtedly等；全文過(guò)渡銜接得很好，凸顯了考生扎實(shí)的語(yǔ)言功底。

范文2：

Approximately thirty volunteers will be selected around the world to move to the Mars by 2015. But the conditions for the possible volunteers are that they must be over 18 years old and willing to stay on the Mars for the rest of their lives and live in harmony with other people. From where some experts stand，they hold the view that the living surroundings are challenging，so the volunteers need to face up to the terribly freezing cold climate， loneliness and terror. On the other hand， the volunteers are fed up with their present lifestyles and long to have a taste of the life on the Mars. More importantly， theyll become the heroes of mankind if they make it.

亮點(diǎn)點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文的一大特點(diǎn)就是能用上高級(jí)詞組來(lái)提高文章的檔次，如move to， hold the view， face up to， long to do， have a taste of， make it等，展示了作者豐富的詞匯量和靈活運(yùn)用語(yǔ)言的能力。此外，該考生還使用了表語(yǔ)從句和同位語(yǔ)從句；全文銜接自然，一氣呵成。

范文3：

By 2015，about thirty people will have been elected throughout the world to go to the Mars. To migrate to the Mars from the earth， the volunteers are supposed to meet the conditions that they are more than 18 years old and willing to be on friendly terms with the people around them， making up their minds never to come back to the earth. What some experts concern most is that the life on the Mars is so dreadful for the reason that the volunteers will have to tackle the unbearably cold weather and conquer the sense of loneliness and fear. As for the volunteers， they have got tired of the dull life on the earth and are dying for a change in the new life on the Mars despite the possible hardships and obstacles. What excites them most is that once they are successful， theyll be honored as the heroes of human beings.

亮點(diǎn)點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文有諸多值得稱道的地方。首先，首句用了將來(lái)完成時(shí)的被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)，立即就吸引了閱卷老師的眼球。其次，能用上較多的高級(jí)詞匯，如：be on friendly terms with， tackle， unbearably， conquer， be dying for， obstacles等，表明該考生平時(shí)勤于背誦和積累。另一個(gè)特點(diǎn)是能靈活運(yùn)用復(fù)合句，如：第二句用了同位語(yǔ)從句，第三句和第五句都用了主語(yǔ)從句和表語(yǔ)從句等。

范文4：

30 volunteers will be picked out worldwide as migrants to the Mars by 2015. The volunteers， who should be aged 18 or above， are expected to realize that not only should they make good preparations for not getting back to the earth again， but they should keep good relationship with others. From some specialistsperspective，with a tough living environment on the Mars， these volunteers are bound to be confronted with cold climate， loneliness and fear. Nevertheless， tired of the life on the earth，the volunteers have a burning desire to explore and experience a totally different lifestyle on the Mars. If their attempts turn out successful accidentally， theyll be viewed as the heroes of human beings.

亮點(diǎn)點(diǎn)評(píng)：該考生用了較高級(jí)的詞匯，如pick out， be bound to do， be confronted with，have a burning desire to do sth.， turn out， view...as...等；with的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)和tired of...分詞短語(yǔ)充當(dāng)原因狀語(yǔ)，也是文章的一個(gè)亮點(diǎn)；此外，not only...but also...引起的倒裝句，也體現(xiàn)了考生較高的語(yǔ)言駕馭能力。

（作者單位：江門(mén)開(kāi)平市第一中學(xué)）

責(zé)任編校 蔣小青