對不起！你說的是英語嗎？

不久前，一位美國朋友在愛爾蘭西部開車時(shí)有些過猛，結(jié)果被警察攔到了路邊。“萬一你撞上了‘霧先生（Mr. Fog）該怎么辦？”那名警察粗暴地問道，說話帶有濃重的愛爾蘭腔。朋友對這種高高在上的質(zhì)問感到不悅，語帶諷刺地回答道：“嗯，我想我會把‘腳先生搭在‘剎車先生上面吧。”結(jié)果，那名警察以異樣的眼神盯著我的朋友，大吼道：“我說的是mist or fog。”

我的朋友是一位人類學(xué)家。在警察質(zhì)問他時(shí)，有一瞬，他還以為自己在愛爾蘭西部偶然遇到了一個(gè)喜歡將各種天氣狀況擬人化的部族，比如把冰雹叫作“冰雹夫人”，把陽光稱為“陽光大師”等等。然而，事實(shí)證明這只是國際交流中又一個(gè)誤解案例而已。

大多數(shù)人都知道，在英國，當(dāng)老師要學(xué)生拿出他們的“rubber”時(shí)，他只是讓他們拿出橡皮，并不是要給他們上一堂有關(guān)避孕的課（“rubber”在美國亦指避孕套）。住在“flat”中的英國人并不是把家安在了癟掉的車胎中（英國把公寓稱為“flat”，而該詞在美國可指“漏氣的輪胎”）。“Bum”這個(gè)詞在英式英語中既有“臀部”之意，也可指“流浪漢”。

英國人表達(dá)感謝通常不會說“I appreciate it”，也沒有have a hard time（很辛苦）、zero in（把注意力集中于）、reach out to other people（聯(lián)系他人）和stay focused（專心致志）這樣的說法。他們在想休息時(shí)不會要求“be given a break”，也不會使用“bottom line”（底線）或“get blown away”（驚嘆不已）這些詞。在英國人聽來，與“frightening”或“alarming”相比，“scary”一詞聽起來極其幼稚，就像把“屁股”說成“小屁屁”一樣。此外，他們一般也不會用“awesome”這個(gè)詞，而若是在美國禁用這個(gè)詞，飛機(jī)恐怕都要從天空墜落，汽車也要從高速公路沖出去了。

在英國，使用“aggressive”一詞來表達(dá)正面意義聽上去非常奇怪，英國人覺得這幾乎就像贊美別人奇丑無比一樣怪異。在美國年輕人當(dāng)中盛行的、說話時(shí)每四秒鐘就加上like一詞的習(xí)慣如今在英國也流行開來了。這或許與試著讓自己的語言聽上去不那么傲慢專斷有關(guān)。例如，“Its 9 oclock”聽上去比較獨(dú)斷，讓人不悅，而“Its， like， 9 oclock”聽起來則是適宜的商榷口吻，不顯得像是說教。歐洲有傳聞稱，如今在美國甚至能發(fā)現(xiàn)有墓碑上寫著“To Our Beloved Son， Brother and， Like， Husband”這樣的碑文。

“To feel comfortable with”（覺得……很舒適）這個(gè)詞組是典型的美式說法。英國人通常不會說“we feel comfortable with using this taxi firm”（我們覺得坐這家出租車公司的車很舒服），就如同他們絕不會覺得遭到鞭打直到鮮血從大腿上流下來會很舒服。

美國人在借道時(shí)一般會說“Excuse me”，而英國人則說“Sorry”。即便距離別人還有10步的距離，美國人也會說“Excuse me”，因?yàn)樗麄兞?xí)慣的間隔空間要比歐洲人大很多。當(dāng)你聽到別人總是無緣無故地不斷說“Sorry”時(shí)，你就知道你到了英國。

英國人可能也會叫小孩子“kid”，但他們在報(bào)刊標(biāo)題或電視新聞中不會使用這個(gè)詞。美國人對單音節(jié)詞“kids”的喜愛多過對優(yōu)美的“children”的喜愛，似乎很樂意把他們的后代視為散發(fā)著膻味的小山羊（“kid”也有“小山羊”的意思）。

在英國，如果一個(gè)人沒聽清別人說了什么，這時(shí)他所說的話要取決于他的社會階層。比如，勞動階層會說“Aye？”，中下階層會說“Pardon？”，中產(chǎn)階層則說“Sorry？”，上層人士則問“What？”

在講述過去的事情時(shí)，美國人比英國人更常使用現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)。“Im in the kitchen and theres this terrific bang and I dive under the table”是美國人特有的風(fēng)格。這或許是因?yàn)橛吮人麄冊诖笪餮蟊税兜奶糜H更重視過去。

美國的路標(biāo)也往往比英國的路標(biāo)更口語化。“Wrong Way─Go Back”（走錯(cuò)路，請返回）或“Ped Xing”（斑馬線）在英國人看來都過于俗語化了。在英國，“Way Out”并非嬉皮士時(shí)代的遺留物（該詞有“反傳統(tǒng)、非主流”之意），它的意思是“出口”。英國的垃圾箱上過去常常寫著“Refuse to Be Put in This Basket”這樣的話，著實(shí)讓人摸不著頭腦，直到你意識到“refuse”也有“垃圾”的意思時(shí)才恍然大悟。

簡而言之，英國人與美國人之間的差異比他們通常想象的要大。時(shí)不時(shí)會有美國人說他們不知道“fortnight”（兩星期）的意思，從來沒用過“teapot”（茶壺），也不知道如何“boil an egg”（煮雞蛋）。在這時(shí)候，你就會感覺到北約（NATO）的這兩個(gè)盟友似乎是被生拉硬拽在一起的。

Not long ago， an American friend was driving rather too vigorously in the west of Ireland when he was pulled over by a Gard （police officer）. “What would happen if you were to run into Mr. Fog？” the Gard inquired gruffly in his thick Irish brogue. Stung by this patronizing query， my friend replied with heavy sarcasm， “Well， I guess Id put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake.” Whereupon the officer stared at him rather strangely and growled， “I said mist or fog.”

My friend is an anthropologist. For one moment he thought he had come across a tribe in the west of Ireland which personified aspects of the weather， speaking of Mrs. Hailstorm， Master Sunshine and so on. But it was just another case of international miscommunication.

Most people know that when a British schoolteacher asks his pupils to take out their rubbers， he is inviting them to produce their erasers， not about to give them a lesson in contraception. British people who live in flats do not set up home in burst tires. The word ‘bum in British English means buttocks as well as vagrant.

People in Britain do not usually say ‘I appreciate it， have a hard time， zero in， reach out to other people， stay focused， ask to be given a break， refer to the bottom line or get blown away. The word ‘scary， as opposed to ‘frightening or ‘a(chǎn)larming， sounds childish to British ears， rather like talking about your buttocks as your bottie. Brits tend not to use the word ‘a(chǎn)wesome， a term which， if it were banned in the States， would cause airplanes to fall from the sky and cars to lurch off freeways.

Using the word ‘a(chǎn)ggressive positively also sounds strange in Britain. In Britain， it sounds almost as bizarre as complimenting someone on being as ugly as sin. The habit of using the word ‘like every four seconds， widespread among American youth， has now caught on in Britain as well. Perhaps it has to do with an attempt not to sound dogmatic. ‘Its 9 oclock sounds unpleasantly authoritarian， whereas ‘Its， like， 9 oclock sounds suitably tentative and nondoctrinaire. It is rumored in Europe that you can now find tombstones in the U.S. reading ‘To Our Beloved Son， Brother and， Like， Husband.

The phrase ‘to feel comfortable with is typically American. The British would not usually say ‘we feel comfortable with using this taxi firm， any more than they would feel comfortable with being scourged until the blood ran down their thighs.

Americans tend to say ‘Excuse me when they accidentally get in your way， while the British say ‘Sorry. Americans say ‘Excuse me even when they are 10 paces away from you， since they are accustomed to a lot more space than we are in Europe. One knows one is back in the U.K. when everyone is constantly saying “sorry” for no reason whatsoever.

People in Britain might call children kids， but not in newspaper headlines or on television news. Americans tend to prefer monosyllable ‘kids to the rather beautiful word ‘children， seemingly content to regard their offspring as small， smelly goats.

What you say in Britain when you mishear what someone says depends on your social class. The working class say ‘Aye？； the lower middle class， ‘Pardon？； the middle class， ‘Sorry？； and the upper class， ‘What？

Americans tend to lapse into the present tense when speaking of the past much more commonly than Brits do. ‘Im in the kitchen and theres this terrific bang and I dive under the table is distinctively American. Perhaps the British rate the past more highly than their trans-Atlantic cousins.

American road signs tend to be more colloquial than British ones. ‘Wrong Way─Go Back or ‘Ped Xing are too idiomatic for the British. The road sign ‘Way Out in the U.K. is not a relic of the hippie era but means ‘Exit. There used to be signs on garbage cans in Britain which read ‘Refuse to Be Put in This Basket， which are puzzling only until you realize that ‘refuse can mean ‘trash.

Brits and Americans， in short， are more alien to each other than they usually imagine. Every now and then， an American will reveal that he or she does not understand the word ‘fortnight， has never used a teapot or does not know how to boil an egg. At such times one can feel the NATO alliance straining and buckling.