滾球

By+RobertG.Allman

Ilost my sight when I was four years old by falling off a box car in a freight yard in Atlantic City and landing on my head. Now I am thirty-two. I can vaguely remember the brightness of sunshine and what colour red is. It would be wonderful to see again，butacalamitycandostrangethingstopeople.

It occurred to me the other day that I might not have come to love life as I do if I hadnt been blind. I dont mean that I would prefer to go without my eyes. I simply mean that the loss of them mademeappreciatewhatIhadleftmore.

Life， I believe， asks a continuous series of adjustments to reality. The more readily a person is able to make these adjustments，themoremeaningfulhisownprivateworldbecomes.

The hardest lesson I had to learn was to believe in myself. That was basic. If I hadnt been able to do that， I would have collapsed and become a chair rocker on the front porch for the rest of my life. When I say belief in myself I am not talking about simply the kind of self-confidence that helps me down an unfamiliar staircase alone. That is part of it. But I mean something bigger than that： an assurance that I am， despite imperfections， a real， positive person that somewhere in the sweeping， intricate pattern of people there is a special place where I can make myself fit.

It took me years to discover and strengthen this assurance. Once，amangavemeanindoorbaseball.Ithoughthewasmocking me and I was hurt.“I cant use this，”I said.“Take it with you，”he urged me，“and roll it around.”The words stuck in my head. By rolling the ball I could hear where it went. This gave me an idea how to achieve a goal I had thought impossible： playing baseball. At Philadelphias Overbrook School for the Blind I invented a successfulvariationofbaseball.Wecalleditgroundball.

All my life， I have set ahead of me a series of goals and then tried to reach them， one at a time. I had to learn my limitations. It was no good to try for something I knew at the start was wildly out of reach， because that only invited the bitterness of failure. I would fail sometimes anyway， but on the average I made progress.

四歲那年在大西洋城，我從貨場一輛火車上摔下來，頭先著地，導致雙目失明。現在我32歲了。我還模糊地記得陽光是多么燦爛，紅色是多么鮮艷。能恢復視覺固然好，但災難也能對人產生奇妙的作用。

有一天我突然想到，倘若我不是盲人，我或許不會變得像現在這樣熱愛生活。這并不意味著我更愿成為盲人，而只是意味著失去視力使我更加珍惜自己的其他能力。

我認為，生活要求人不斷地自我調整以適應現實。人越能及時地進行調整，他的個人世界便越有意義。

我必須學會的最艱難的一課，就是相信自己，這是最基本的。如果做不到這一點，我就會精神崩潰，只能坐在前門廊的搖椅中度過余生。我所說的相信自己，并不僅僅指支持我獨自走下陌生的樓梯的那種自信，那只是其中的一部分。我指的是比那更強大的東西：堅信自己雖然有缺陷，卻是一個真正的有進取心的人；堅信在蕓蕓眾生、錯綜復雜的格局當中，有我可以安身立命的一席之地。

我花了很長時間才樹立并不斷強化這一信念。有一次，一個人給我一個室內玩的棒球。我以為他在嘲笑我，感到很受傷。“我玩不了。”我說。“你拿去。”他竭力勸我，“在地上滾。”他的話在我腦子里生了根。我滾動這個球，聽它朝哪兒走。這讓我想到一個主意，實現一個我曾認為不可能達到的目標：打棒球。在費城的奧弗布魯克盲人學校，我發明了一種很受歡迎的棒球游戲，我們稱它為地面球。

我這一輩子給自己樹立了一系列目標，然后努力去達到，一次一個。我必須了解自己的極限。開始就知道某個目標超出了自己的能力范圍還硬要去實現，那不會帶來任何好處，因為那只會帶來失敗的苦果。我有時也會失敗，但一般來說總有進步。endprint