在人際關(guān)系中尋找平衡點(diǎn)

Host： 1）Relationship dynamics are always changing， whether it be work colleagues， partners， friends or adult children still living at home. 2）Quality time is becoming rare in our busy lives， yet how do we keep everyone happy and still have time for ourselves？ Ah， it’s very difficult， and Deborah Hutton is here to give us some advice. Along with 3）well-being specialist Noni Boon who’s going to tell us how. Yet we do get time for it， don’t we Deborah. And in the end you can’t keep everybody happy. What can we do？

Deborah Hutton： No. No. You can’t. Look， it’s interesting. You’re talking about sort of 4）prioritizing， reminds me of a thing my dentist said to me years ago. “Only 5）floss the teeth you want to keep”. Right？ So you think， well what does that mean？ It means if you don’t give it any love and attention， it’s just not going to be there for you. So， yes， it’s about prioritizing. It’s about really valuing those people in your life， and not taking them for granted， and really thinking about them as well as a really important part， not just yourself， because that’s what relationships are. They form part of our foundation， which gives us enormous strength and love.

Host： Yeah， so， which applies to every relationship. And Noni， I might just ask you about the relationship with your partner. How do you find the time？ What can you do to make sure that you do 6）nurture that relationship？

Noni Boon： Well， I think if something’s important to you， you make the time， and it’s about making the time， so planning and prioritizing and actually just booking-in the time that you spend with your partner. I think that’s 7）crucial. Host： Yeah， a lot of people have “date night”. I guess that it’s a good thing to do.

Noni： Yeah. Tuesday night， half price movies， making that a regular thing that you do. And then， also with family it’s making sure that， say for example， on a Sunday that the whole family gets together and you have Sunday lunch together， so that you control…

Deborah： You can plug it in， plug it in to the diary.

Noni： Yeah. Book it in. Book it in.

Host： Okay.

Noni： Yeah. And 8）diarize it.

Host： One of the things， too， that you wanted to talk about， Noni， was to adult children still living at home. Tell us about that.

Noni： Yes， well， just stepping back from mothering adult children and getting them to help out around the house so that it’s not taking your time， but it’s actually giving you a bit more time. So…

Host： But some parents still want that rela…Yeah， they’re reluctant to let go.

Deborah： Well， it’s about them letting go， too. They have to take back their own independence in a way because they’ve been so needed and they are the nurturers， aren’t they， so it’s about time…they have to let go.

Host： Yeah. And， it seems like every discussion that we have， social media comes into it somehow. It is a big distraction， and in some ways it can damage relationships too， can’t it？

Deborah： Oh， absolutely！ I think， you know， look， we engage these days greatly through social media. One of the biggest growth areas on Facebook is women， plus-50 women， and so what happens， you end up multi-tasking a lot of your relationships and your friendships. The danger in that， of course， is you’re losing that face-to-face one-on-one， and things can be misinterpreted because we’re not looking at each other in that tone that we share， when we sit down to have a cup of coffee and have a bit of a chat， and， you know， there’s certain things that we share which might be 9）inappropriate， some would deem that way， so it can danger[sic] some relationships， and it’s really， you’ve got to be very 10）mindful of the things that’re important.

Host： It’s a real distraction too， isn’t it， because， you know， I see Mums at the playground， you know， and I’ve been guilty of it myself， where you’re just locked on to your phone…

NoniDeborah： Yeah.

Host： …and just checked the kids’re there every now and then…

Noni： Yeah.

Host： …and it’s such a shame because there’s a child growing up seeing you addicted to a screen.

NoniDeborah： Yeah.

Host： You’ve gotta put the phone away.

Deborah： Look， it’s about looking at your relationships， each and every one of them， with your partner， with your family， with your loved ones， with your friends.

Host： Umm.

Deborah： And Naomi’s fantastic ’cause she challenges， she always challenges me to look at your relationships[sic]， which is a hard thing to do from the outside looking back in， because it’s about finding time， importantly the quality of time that you have. Might not necessarily be a long time. Anyway， I’ve gotta do a bit of a quick quiz…

Host： Okay.

Deborah： …and it’s quite fun， and we’ve actually got it up on the site. It’s a quiz that sort of asks you， you know， it’s a very sort of multiple choice quiz about different situations， whether you’re sitting there and you’ve got the last piece of pizza， and you’re gonna share it or you’re gonna eat it yourself. Little things just naturally happen.

Host： Oh， okay. And we could do that on line.

Deborah： We can do it on line. And what it does at the end of it will actually just give you a bit of a 11）rundown whether your relationship is balanced or perhaps it needs a little 12）reshuffling. Host： Okay. Well， we will be doing that. Thank you both for coming in.

主持人：人際關(guān)系總是在變化中，不管是與同事、伴侶、朋友，還是仍舊賴在家里的成年孩子之間的關(guān)系，情況都是一樣的。在我們繁忙的生活中，已經(jīng)很少有休閑時(shí)間，但是我們?nèi)绾卧谟鋹偹说耐瑫r(shí)空出時(shí)間給自己呢？啊，這真的很難。黛布拉·赫頓在這里將給我們一些建議，和她一道的還有健康專家諾麗·博恩，她會(huì)告訴我們，如何，額……嗯，我們確實(shí)有花時(shí)間去做，不是嗎，黛布拉？到最后，你不能讓每個(gè)人都開心。我們?cè)撛趺醋瞿兀?/p>

黛布拉·赫頓：不，不，你不能……聽著，這很有趣，我們?cè)谡務(wù)摲智逯鞔蔚膯栴}。這讓我想起了幾年前牙醫(yī)對(duì)我說的話：“只給你想保護(hù)的牙齒用牙線。”對(duì)吧？所以，你會(huì)想：好吧，這是什么意思？意思是，如果你沒有給牙齒任何的愛護(hù)和關(guān)心，它不會(huì)在那等你，所以，是的，是要分清輕重緩急。珍惜你生命中的人，別不把他們當(dāng)一回事，真的把他們看作真正重要的人，而不是只想著自己，因?yàn)檫@就是人際關(guān)系。它形成了我們的根基，給了我們無窮的愛與力量。

主持人：對(duì)，那么，在每段關(guān)系中都是這樣。諾麗，我也許能問問你和伴侶的關(guān)系。你怎么找出時(shí)間呢？你怎樣做才能確保維持這段關(guān)系？

諾麗·博恩：好吧，我認(rèn)為，如果有些事對(duì)你來說是重要的，你就會(huì)抽出時(shí)間，只是抽出時(shí)間的問題。那么，作計(jì)劃，分清主次，也就是“預(yù)定”你和伴侶相處的時(shí)間。我認(rèn)為這很重要。

主持人：嗯，很多人都會(huì)有“約會(huì)之夜”，我認(rèn)為這樣做很好。

諾麗：嗯。星期二的晚上，半價(jià)的電影……把這些事日常化。而且，對(duì)家里人也要這樣。確保，例如，在星期天，一家人聚在一起，一起在星期天共進(jìn)午餐。這樣你就可以控制……

黛布拉：然后把它們記下來，記在日記本上。

諾麗：對(duì)。預(yù)定下來，預(yù)定下來。

主持人：好的。

諾麗：嗯，然后寫進(jìn)日記里。

主持人：諾麗，你還想說的其中一件事，就是關(guān)于成年孩子仍然住在家里的問題，跟我們說說吧。

諾麗：對(duì)，好吧，不要照顧成年孩子，讓他們分擔(dān)家務(wù)，這樣就不會(huì)占用你的時(shí)間，還能給你更多的時(shí)間，所以……主持人：但是一些父母還是希望維持這段關(guān)系……嗯，他們不想放手。

黛布拉：好吧，他們也要放手。他們事實(shí)上要找回自己的獨(dú)立性，因?yàn)樗麄円恢倍急恍枰麄兪钦疹檮e人的人，不是嗎？因此他們是時(shí)候放手了。

主持人：對(duì)，看起來我們討論的每個(gè)問題，都在受到社交媒體的影響。這是很大的一個(gè)干擾，在某種程度它還能破壞我們的人際關(guān)系，是嗎？

黛布拉：噢，絕對(duì)會(huì)，我想，你知道的，聽著，現(xiàn)如今，我們都離不開社交媒體。年過50的女性在臉書的使用者中增長(zhǎng)最快。那么，你最后就要同時(shí)處理多種關(guān)系，你與朋友的關(guān)系。這其中的危機(jī)，當(dāng)然就是你失去了面對(duì)面，一對(duì)一的交流，誤解就會(huì)產(chǎn)生。因?yàn)槲覀儾豢粗鴮?duì)方，（更不會(huì)知道對(duì)方的語調(diào)），而這些語調(diào)是我們坐下來喝咖啡閑聊時(shí)產(chǎn)生的。而且，你知道的，我們分享的某些事情是不恰當(dāng)?shù)模行┪覀兪沁@樣認(rèn)為的。所以這樣會(huì)破壞一些關(guān)系。這真的……你一定要對(duì)重要的事情上心。

主持人：社交媒體真的也是個(gè)影響，不是嗎？因?yàn)椋阒赖模铱吹胶芏鄫寢屧谟螛穲?chǎng)上（陪孩子玩），你知道的，我很自責(zé)——在那兒你們盯著自己的手機(jī)……

黛布拉和諾麗：對(duì)。

主持人：……只是不時(shí)看看孩子在哪。諾麗：對(duì)。

主持人：……這真的是個(gè)恥辱，因?yàn)楹⒆觽兪强粗闳绾纬撩允謾C(jī)長(zhǎng)大的。黛布拉和諾麗：對(duì)。

主持人：你必須把手機(jī)拿走。

黛布拉：聽著，要與你的伴侶、家人、愛的人、朋友一起來審視你們的每段關(guān)系。

主持人：嗯。

黛布拉：諾麗很厲害，因?yàn)樗魬?zhàn)，她總是挑戰(zhàn)我，讓我看看自己的人際關(guān)系，這對(duì)于我來說，從外向內(nèi)審視自己的關(guān)系，真的很難。因?yàn)檫@需要找出時(shí)間，更重要的是，要有閑暇的時(shí)間，不一定要很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。我要做一個(gè)小測(cè)……

主持人：好的.

黛布拉：它很有趣，事實(shí)上我們是在網(wǎng)上找到的。但是這是一個(gè)問你，你知道的，在不同情景讓你有多項(xiàng)選擇的小測(cè)。例如你坐在那里，剩下最后一塊披薩，你是打算分享它，還是獨(dú)自把它吃了？小事總是自然地發(fā)生。

主持人：噢，好的，我們可以在網(wǎng)上做.

黛布拉：我們可以在網(wǎng)上做，最后，它會(huì)給你一個(gè)總結(jié)，判斷你的人際關(guān)系是和諧，還是需要修補(bǔ)。主持人：好的，我們會(huì)去做。謝謝二位的到來。