Understanding each other

Shirley

導讀：家長問孩子學校的學習情況時要注重提問的藝術性，最好采用孩子樂于回答、家長也能達到提問目的的方式，這樣才能一舉兩得。

So why dont our kids want to tell us about their days at school？ And why do we think we need to know every detail？ And how can we become more effective listeners？ To find out， take a look at the situation from your childs view and compare it to your own.

“How was school？” and “how are you？” are not really questions — theyre greetings. A problem comes into being because we expect an answer. But the question is so general that its difficult for kids to answer. “What parents are trying to do when they ask ‘how was school？ is to have a talk with their child，” explains Michael Thompson， Ph.D. But we dont realize that the question “how was school” may not be the most effective way to connect.

Kids often think adults ask too many questions.“And they are right，” adds Thompson， “we do. Adults are often just trying to start a conversation and dont understand that their questions make a child feel diffidult to answer. Be aware that a question from a big person like you can place demands on a small child， even though you dont mean it that way.” “Its important to also be clear why you are asking children about school. Is it merely a chat， are you looking for something more meaningful， and are you communicating in ways that relate to your childs experience？” notes Diane Levin， Ph.D.

School can be hard for kids and thats why its hard for them to talk about it. Every day at school， kids get things wrong and make mistakes. Thats how they learn. But generally， kids dont want to come home and say， “I was frustrated by my mistakes but I learned from them.” They would rather come home and say， “I got everything right.” Their feelings about meeting the expectations of their teachers， their parents， and themselves can make school a challenging topic to discuss.

So — should we stop asking questions？ No. But you might ask fewer ones and try not to get crazy when your kids dont answer the way you want them to. Remember that if your kids dont want to talk， its not a rude action to you. When you do speak， try to find ways to discuss whats meaningful to both your child and you， because this shows that you care.