我陪你變老

She sat on the couch， as always， and as I stood in front of her I couldn't stop staring at the knee-high stockings which fell below her pale exposed knees. The green couch she sat on smelled like old people and her thick-soled1） shoes were planted on a transparent plastic mat.

Although I was young and small， about six years old， I could tell that the dark apartment was not large. I sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs and glanced back and forth between the game show on the television and the ninety-three-year-old woman sitting next to me. She was my grandfather's mother and we called her Nanny. I needed to get out of the room that smelled of stale2） cigars and medicine but I didn't want to leave Nanny. I asked my mother if I could go play in the other room across the hall. As I stood up to leave， Nanny asked my mother if I was able to walk there by myself. At first I was confused but then my mother explained to me in a whisper that Nanny remembered me as much younger and didn't realize that I was now old enough to walk.

I played in the other room for a while and then came back to the living room. My mother's uncle Dave sat across the room smoking a cigar and watching the game show. My mother was sitting close to Nanny on the couch and was talking very loudly because Nanny was hard of hearing. Nanny motioned for me to sit next to her and although I was somewhat scared I sat down. She began to tell me the story about the braids3） that I'd heard many times before， but I was happy to hear it once more since it changed slightly every time she told it. When she was a girl she had very long， thick， dark braids. She began to get severe headaches and the doctor suggested that she cut off her braids. It made her sad to have to do this， but she did and her headaches went away. She saved the braids her whole life.

I loved to hear this story and I loved to watch her tell it. She had short colorless gray hair and large bags under her eyes. I could see the deep wrinkles that lined her face； they seemed to be marks left from all she had lived through.

When Nanny was sixteen she left her whole family in Austria to come to America. It was 1904 and at the train station her mother sent her off with the words， "I'll never see you again." And she never did see her mother again because her parents were later killed during the Holocaust4）. When Nanny arrived in America， her uncle who had said he would take her in made her work as a maid. She cleaned his house and took care of his children， for nothing other than room and board. After several years， my great-grandfather met her and fell in love at first sight and she married him in order to get out of her uncle's house.

As I got older my visits to Nanny's became fewer. I seemed to be preoccupied with my own life and didn't seem to have the energy to spend even an hour with her. About a year before she died she had a heart attack. My grandfather and Uncle Dave were there. Nanny told them not to call an ambulance. She had accepted the fact that death had finally come. However Uncle Dave couldn't bear to let her die and called an ambulance. Nanny died a year later in the hospital. I was ten years old.

It amazes me that after raising her children， giving them so much love and devotion， and then loving her grandchildren just as much， after ninety-five years Nanny still had love left for me.

她坐在沙發(fā)上，和平時一樣，我站在她面前，忍不住盯著那雙已經(jīng)滑落到膝下、將她蒼白的膝蓋暴露無遺的及膝長襪。她坐的那張綠沙發(fā)聞起來有股老年人的味道，她腳穿一雙厚底鞋，踩在一塊透明的塑料地墊上。

盡管那時我還幼小，大概六歲吧，但我能判定這間昏暗的公寓面積不大。我在其中一把帶加厚軟墊的椅子上坐下，眼睛在電視上的游戲競賽節(jié)目和這個坐在我身邊的93歲老太太之間來回掃視。她是我外祖父的母親，我們都叫她外曾祖母。我必須離開這個散發(fā)著一股難聞的雪茄味和藥味的房間，但我又不想離開外曾祖母。我問媽媽我是不是可以到走廊那頭的另一個房間去玩。當(dāng)我起身要離開時，外曾祖母問我媽媽我是否能自己走到那邊。一開始我很困惑，但接著媽媽就悄聲和我解釋：外曾祖母記憶里的我比現(xiàn)在小得多，她沒意識到我那時已經(jīng)長大了，會走路了。

我在另一個房間玩了一會兒，然后回到了客廳。媽媽的叔叔戴夫坐在客廳的另一頭，一邊抽雪茄一邊看游戲競賽節(jié)目。媽媽則緊挨著外曾祖母坐在沙發(fā)上，很大聲地說著話，因為外曾祖母耳背得厲害。外曾祖母示意讓我過去坐她身邊，盡管我有那么幾分害怕，但還是坐了下來。她給我講起了她的辮子的故事，雖然我之前已經(jīng)聽過很多遍了，但我還是愿意再聽一遍，因為她每次講的都有一些小變化。她還是個姑娘時，有一頭又長又粗又黑的辮子。后來她開始頭疼，疼得厲害，醫(yī)生建議她把辮子剪掉。雖然必須要剪頭發(fā)讓她很不開心，但她還是照做了，她的頭也不疼了。這些辮子她保存了一輩子。

我喜歡聽這個故事，也喜歡看她講故事時的樣子。她有一頭暗灰色的短發(fā)，眼睛下面有大大的眼袋。我能看到她臉上布滿了深深的皺紋，它們就像是她一生的經(jīng)歷留下的印記。

外曾祖母16歲時離開所有家人，從奧地利來到美國。那是1904年，她的母親在火車站送她時說：“我再也見不到你了。”而她確實再也沒有見到她母親，因為她的父母隨后都在二戰(zhàn)的大屠殺中被殺害了。外曾祖母到美國之后，之前說過要收留她的叔叔卻把她當(dāng)成了女仆支使。外曾祖母為他打掃屋子、照料孩子，得到的卻只有每日的食宿。幾年后，我的外曾祖父遇見外曾祖母并對她一見鐘情，為了離開叔叔家，外曾祖母嫁給了他。

隨著我慢慢長大，去外曾祖母家的次數(shù)也變得越來越少。我似乎整日忙于自己的生活，根本沒有精力花上哪怕一個小時陪陪她。她去世的前一年犯過一次心臟病，我的外祖父和舅姥爺戴夫當(dāng)時都在。外曾祖母告訴他們不要叫救護車，因為她已經(jīng)接受死神終于來了這個事實。但是舅姥爺戴夫無法忍受就這么讓她離開，還是叫了救護車。一年后，外曾祖母在醫(yī)院里去世了。那年我十歲。

外曾祖母不僅養(yǎng)大了自己的孩子，為他們付出了如此多的關(guān)愛與深情，而后又對她的外孫們付出了同樣多的關(guān)愛，經(jīng)歷了這些之后，95歲高齡的外曾祖母依然還有余力對我疼愛有加，這著實令我驚嘆。

1. thick-soled： 厚底的

2. stale [ste?l] adj. （因空氣不流通或香煙霧氣充塞而）氣味不好的

3. braid [bre?d] n. 辮子

4. the Holocaust： （第二次世界大戰(zhàn)期間納粹對猶太人的）大屠殺。 holocaust [?h?l?k??st] n. （大量燒殺人畜的）大屠殺，虐殺