What Makes a Loving Couple?

By Ling Wei

Wh at is the difference between a happy couple and an unhappy one? Many gender and relationship psychologists have studied this very question for a long period of time and offered varied answers.Here is the one I prefer the most.

When you are judging another person’s behaviors, you may ponder, “Why did they do that? Is it because that’s his nature, or are they environmentally affected?”

The former is called an internal factor and the latter an external factor.

A happy couple attributes the good behaviors of their spouse to their loved one and the bad ones to the environment.For example, if a man escorts his wife to see a movie, the wife will consider her husband a romantic man who knows how to add spice to life; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will feel at ease because she knows it’s because of the rain.

An unhappy couple is just to the opposite.They attribute their spouse’s good behaviors to the environment and the bad ones to his/her personality.For example, if a man takes his wife to see a movie, the wife will think that it is because he himself wants to watch the film, or because he is a fan of the film star; if he is half an hour late for a date, the wife will blame him for not having her in his heart, not loving her enough, or still missing his ex-girlfriend.

In dealing with the routine trivia of life, the former couple love each other more and more, while the latter become increasingly detestable to each other.

(FromLive Life to the Fullest, Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Chen Jiani)

為何越來越愛

文/另維

幸福的夫妻與不幸福的夫妻在生活方式上究竟有什么不同？兩性心理學研究了很久，結果五花八門，在這里說一個我最喜歡的。

我們在認知他人行為的時候，大腦會自動問：“他為什么這么做？是因為他本身就是這樣一個人，還是環境所致？”

前者叫內部歸因，后者叫外部歸因。

生活幸福的夫妻會把配偶好的行為歸因給人本身，把壞的行為歸因給環境。比如他今天帶我看電影了，因為他是一個注重生活情趣的男人；他遲到了半小時，是因為下雨了。

關系糟糕的夫妻剛好相反，他們把配偶好的行為歸因給環境，把壞的行為歸因給人。比如他今天帶我看電影了，是因為他一直想看那部電影，或者是因為他是主演的粉絲；他遲到了半小時，是因為他心里沒有我，不夠愛我，或者還想著前女友。

在這些對瑣事的歸因中，前一對夫妻越來越相愛，后一對夫妻越來越嫌棄彼此。

（摘自《每一天夢想練習》湖南文藝出版社）