無形的謀殺Invisible Murder

林巍

林奕含，一個有才氣的臺灣青年美女作家，因少時遭受性侵而患上抑郁癥;曾兩度考上大學，均因健康問題而休學。于是在家寫作，但終因熬不過2痛苦，于2017年自殺了，年僅26歲，留下一部令人嘆息的《房思琪的初戀樂園》。

生活在一個表面平和的社會，一個有靈性的少女原本會有幸福的生活，但細讀其自傳性作品，可以發現寧靜的日常生活中其實潛伏著種種危險的因素——足以傷人，甚至殺人，而并未被大部分人所感知。

首先是意識的模糊。房思琪（作者的原型）13歲時，認為老師是沒有性別的，在一定程度上把教師和醫生混同起來。在受到國文教師李國華的性侵后，為使自己不那么痛苦，思琪于是說服自己：既然老師說過愛我，我們也說過愛老師3，那么你愛的人對你做什么都可以，不是嗎？

同時是性教育的缺失。當思琪被性侵后，想提醒媽媽：“我們家什么都有，就是沒有性教育。”媽媽回答：“什么性教育？性教育是給那些需要性的人的，所謂教育不永遠是這樣嗎？”一次，她又試探著對媽媽說“聽說學校里有女同學和老師在一起了”，媽媽又是當頭一句：“誰呀，這么小就這么騷？”從此思琪在父母面前閉了嘴。當思琪第一次告訴閨蜜她和李老師“在一起了”，閨蜜先是不懂，后說“你真的好惡心，我沒辦法和你說話了”。這些正坐實了那位國文教師的判斷：“家教4好”的女生，往往代表了家庭性教育的空白。

還有傳統社會的氛圍。被李老師性侵的郭曉奇，竟然是被女老師親自送到他的小公寓的。開頭幾次郭曉奇鬧著自殺，后漸漸平靜，最后她甚至說5：“老師，如果你是真的愛我，那就算了。”這一點，酷似張愛玲小說《色·戒》中的王佳芝，為了自己也弄不清的“愛”，陪上了自己連同愛國小團體的性命！還有《半生緣》中的顧曼楨，最終為了愛孩子自愿嫁給了強奸自己的姐夫！

傳統社會中的情節一再重復上演：在張愛玲小說《小艾》中，有妻有妾的五老爺強奸了十四五歲的小丫頭，聽說她懷孕后，周邊女人的反應是：“這個丫頭，這么大點年紀，哪兒想到她已這樣壞了！真是人小鬼大。”在林奕含的筆下，當郭曉奇把事情和盤托出的時候，她的父母竟然前來向老師道歉，為“破壞了老師家庭幸福”而深深自責！在這種不對等的關系中，老師永遠是對的6。

關于“名聲”，又是一個歷來說不清的問題。林奕含在臉書里轉述過一個性侵案：輔大社科院的女院長夏林清為了不讓事件影響學校名聲，選擇了低調7處理，不讓受害者報案;而事情曝露后，夏林清被輿論攻擊，在各種壓力之下，首先出來道歉的，卻是受害者！同樣，在該書，李老師之所以選擇思琪下手，主要是看中了她的性格：如此自尊心強的女生絕不會把受性侵這樣骯臟的事情說出去的。

于是，作者奇怪地發現，社會對性問題的禁忌實在太便于譴責受害者;強暴一個女生，全社會都覺得是她的錯，連她也覺得是自己的錯8。

法律意識在此問題上的普遍淡薄，是造成弱者受傷害的又一大因素。與14歲以下兒童發生性關系，無論同意與否，在世界上都普遍被法律定為強奸罪，受到嚴懲。此外，還有一個信用關系中的犯罪問題，即當事人地位不平等，弱勢一方尤其是未成年人（即使年齡超過14歲），對性行為的同意是有缺陷的，而信任關系的存在又導致受害人無從反抗9，因而許多國家的法律對這種犯罪行為都同樣予以嚴懲。如果，林奕含及其周圍的人，都具有這種法律知識和條件，生活在相對完善的法律社會里，作者恐怕也不會那么輕易地走上絕路。

當然，更多的是社會中對于受害者無意識的加害。諸如前面看到的，人們不經意的一句話、一個表情、一條潛規則、一種習俗或偏見，都會對一個瀕臨崩潰的人10，堆積起一根根壓在駱駝身上的稻草，最后將其摧毀。

著名作家巴金在他晚年的《隨想錄》中反省：對于那么多文化名人在“文革”中的慘死，自己雖沒有參與迫害，但仍負有責任，因為出現在了批判會場而沒有說“不”，本身就是一種幫兇。今天，有多少人會意識到，對于身邊的種種不公和悲劇，你的漠視和無語，其實就等于參與了迫害甚至謀殺？

Lin Yihan， a talented young beauty writer of Taiwan， suffered depression as a result of sexual assault when she was young. She was twice admitted to universities and twice suspended for health reasons. Writing at home， she was unable to cope with the pain and finally committed suicide in 2017 at the age of 26， leaving behind her novel Fancy’s First Love Paradise， a lament.

Living in a seemingly peaceful society， an intelligent girl would have had a happy life. Carefully reading her autobiographical work， however， one can easily sense various dangers lurking in a quiet daily life enough to hurt or even kill someone without being perceived by most people.

The muddled mind plays a primary role. At the age of 13， Fancy （the author’s archetype）， the main character of the book， believed that teachers are gender blind， in a sense being no different from doctors. After being sexually assaulted by Mr. Li Guohua， a teacher of Chinese， she convinced herself that it was amicable behavior by a teacher with whom love was mutual. “Nothing could go wrong”—which seemingly could ease the pain.

A lack of sex education is another problem. Again， when Fancy was assaulted by her teacher， she tried to raise it with her mother： “We have everything in our home now except sex education.” The answer was “What sex education？ Sex education is for those who need sex. Isn’t this so-called education always for such purpose？” Another time， she tried to find out her mother’s attitude towards the cohabitation of a teacher and student. The response was： “Who is so coquettish at such a young age？” She then shut up completely on such matters in front of her parents. Fancy also once said to her close friend： “I and my teacher Mr. Li are together now.” Initially， her friend was puzzled by the euphemism and then replied： “You are so disgusting！ I can’t talk to you anymore！” All these incidents simply confirm the teacher’s judgment that female students of good upbringing often come from families where sex education is absent.

The social ambience of a traditional society is also responsible for such tragedies. Guo Xiaoqi， another victim of Mr. Li’s sexual harassment， had been sent to the scene by her female teacher. After several of her suicide attempts failed， Xiaoqi had gradually calmed down and even solicited the teacher： “Can you say you really love me？ If so， I don’t really mind anymore.” In this case， she truly resembles the character Wang Jiazhi portrayed in Zhang Ailing’s novel Lust and Caution， who not only lost her life but also destroyed her patriotic team for a ridiculous notion of “love” she couldn’t actually figure out herself. And another character， Gu Manzhen in Eighteen Springs， finally married her rapist， her brother-in-law， for the sake of her child.

There seems to be a repeated scenario in traditional society： Uncle Five， with wife and concubines， raped a teenage girl. After noticing her pregnancy， women around her all responded with accusatory remarks： “It’s hard to think of a little girl as young as her has having been so degenerate. A child daring to do great mischief！” （Zhang Ailing’s novel Little Ai）. Similarly， in Lin Yihan’s writing， when Guo Xiaoqi’s parents knew the whole story， they came to apologize to the teacher for ruining his happy family life！ In such an unequal relationship， the teacher always wins.

“Reputation” is always another murky issue. In her own Facebook page， Lin Yihan posted an example of the female president of the Academy of Social Sciences in Fu Ren University， Mrs. Xia Linqing， downplaying sexual abuse to protect its reputation. When the incident was exposed， under tremendous pressure， the person who came out to apologize was not the president but the victim！ In this book， the teacher dared to target Fancy mainly due to her personality; he knew only too well that a girl of high self-esteem would never speak about such “dirty things”.

Strangely， the author discovered that sex was such a taboo subject that it had become very convenient for society to condemn a schoolgirl involved in sexual scandal， so that even she herself had to go through such soul-searching.

A lack of legal awareness also causes harm to the weak. Sexual relations with children under the age of 14 have universally been made a crime regardless of consent， and are severely punished. In addition， there is a criminal issue involving relations of trust， where， even if over the age of 14， the minors’ vulnerable position often impairs their consent to sex， let alone their ability to resist. Many countries have also imposed heavy punishment for such crimes. If the author， together with people around her， had been well equipped with such knowledge of the law and a more protective legal community， she would certainly not have been doomed so easily.

Victimization， however， more often than not occurs unconsciously in society. A casual word， expression， custom， prejudice or hidden rule， as seen in the examples above， can all become invisible straws mounting up to kill the camel eventually.

Ba Jin， a famous Chinese writer， reflected in Random Thoughts written in his later years that he had been partly responsible for so many tragic deaths of cultural celebrities during the “Cultural Revolution” even though he did not actually participate in their persecution： his presence in criticism sessions without saying “No” had made him an accomplice. Today， how many people realize that their indifference to and silence about injustices and tragedies around them actually constitute part of persecution or even murder？