比爾·蓋茨的育兒秘訣：愛和邏輯

Bill Gates doesn’t pretend he lives in an egalitarian household. When it comes to parenting his three children， the billionaire Microsoft mogul readily admits his wife Melinda has done more than her share of the work raising the kids.

“My wife does 80%，” Gates told a crowd of Harvard students. Gates spent two years there taking math and computer science courses as a pre-law student， but never finished up his degree （though he was later gifted an honorary diploma from the Ivy League university）.

“My eldest graduates from Stanford in June， so I’m optimistic she won’t fall into my footsteps，” Gates joked.

Gates said he and his wife have been quite deliberate about the model they’ve used to raise their three children， who are now 15， 18， and 22 years old.

He says the couple followed a 1970s “Love and Logic” parenting model. It’s a formula that was created by a group of three men — a mix of psychologists， psychiatrists and former school administrators. The core idea of their philosophy is centered on the idea that exerting emotional control， essentially minimizing emotional reactions like shouting or reprimanding kids.

“One of the greatest benefits of applying Love and Logic is that it helps us learn how to keep a tighter leash on our emotions and on our tongues，” co-founder Charles Fay wrote in a blog post about his model.

Gates admits he and his wife haven’t been perfect at carrying out the approach.

“Can you get rid of the emotion？ You can’t totally do it，” he said.

Aside from reining in hot-blooded parent tempers， the love and logic model also stresses the importance of not leaning into rewards for kids， but instead demonstrating unconditional love and admiring kids for who they are， not what they do （or don’t） achieve， like a poor test score or a bad grade.

“Many highly successful people struggled with grades as children，” Fay wrote on his site. “What’s most important is that our children develop good character， curiosity， and problem-solving skills.”

The model is a bit like the Socratic method， in that it pushes parents to focus on asking questions of their kids and getting them to think about how to solve their own problems， instead of feeding them answers.

Gates says the “Love and Logic” method is a far cry from the way he grew up， but he knew he wanted to do things differently with his own kids.

It wasn’t the only way he set boundaries for his children while they were growing up. None of his kids owned a cell phone until they were 14 years old. And they will each get about $10 million of their parents fortune as inheritance， a mere fraction of the mogul’s roughly $90 billion net worth.

“We want to strike a balance where they have the freedom to do anything， but not a lot of money showered on them so they could go out and do nothing，” Gates once told TED.

比爾·蓋茨并不假裝自己過著平等的家庭生活。這位微軟創(chuàng)始人、億萬富翁爽快地承認(rèn)，在養(yǎng)育三個孩子的過程中，妻子梅琳達(dá)承擔(dān)了更多責(zé)任。

蓋茨曾告訴一群哈佛學(xué)生說：“我妻子做了80%的工作?！鄙w茨曾作為法學(xué)預(yù)科生在哈佛大學(xué)上過兩年課，學(xué)習(xí)數(shù)學(xué)和計算機(jī)科學(xué)，但始終沒有完成自己的學(xué)業(yè)、取得學(xué)位（不過后來哈佛大學(xué)授予了他榮譽(yù)學(xué)位）。

蓋茨開玩笑說：“今年六月，我的大女兒就從斯坦福大學(xué)畢業(yè)了。所以我可以樂觀地說，她不會步我的后塵?！?/p>

蓋茨夫婦育有三個子女，目前分別為15歲、18歲和22歲。他們夫婦二人對孩子的教育問題非常慎重。

比爾·蓋茨表示，他們遵循上世紀(jì)70年代的“愛和邏輯”教育模式。該模式由一位心理學(xué)家、一位精神病學(xué)家和一位曾任學(xué)校管理者的人合作創(chuàng)立。它的核心理念是情緒控制，即最大程度地減少情緒反應(yīng)，如大喊大叫、訓(xùn)斥孩子。

這種模式的聯(lián)合創(chuàng)立者查爾斯·費(fèi)伊在他的博客中寫道：“應(yīng)用愛和邏輯教育法的最大益處之一是能幫助我們學(xué)習(xí)如何控制情緒和語言?！?/p>

蓋茨承認(rèn)，他和妻子在實踐這種教育法時做得并不完美。

他說：“你可以拋掉情緒嗎？你無法完全做到?！?/p>

除了控制父母的激烈情緒外，愛和邏輯教育模式還強(qiáng)調(diào)不要依賴物質(zhì)獎勵。相反，父母應(yīng)該表達(dá)無條件的愛，應(yīng)該贊美孩子本身，而非他們的成就或失敗（例如考試分?jǐn)?shù)）。

費(fèi)伊在他的網(wǎng)站上寫道：“許多非常成功的人小時候成績并不好。最重要的是使孩子具備良好的品格、好奇心和解決問題的技巧?！?/p>

這有點像蘇格拉底式的教育方法。父母應(yīng)該問孩子問題，引導(dǎo)孩子思考如何自己解決問題，而非直接提供答案。

蓋茨表示，“愛和邏輯”教育法和他自己的成長經(jīng)歷相距甚遠(yuǎn)，但他希望為自己的孩子做點不一樣的事情。

這不是蓋茨給孩子們在成長過程中設(shè)定的唯一界限。蓋茨的每一個孩子都要年滿十四歲才能擁有手機(jī)。每個孩子將來各繼承大約一千萬美元（合6360萬元人民幣）的財產(chǎn)——相較于蓋茨高達(dá)大約900億美元的凈資產(chǎn)，這只是九牛一毛。

蓋茨曾在TED大會上說：“我們希望取得平衡，讓孩子們能夠自由自在地做任何事情，而不是給予他們大量金錢，讓他們無所事事?！?/p>