A Fragrant Gardenia

宋艷云

Every year on my birthday， from the time I turned twelve， a white gardenia was delivered to my house. No card or note came with it. Calls to the flower shop were always useless—it was a cash deal. After a while I stopped trying to discover who the sender was and was just delighted in the beauty and perfume of the white flower. But I never stopped imagining who the sender might be. Some of my happiest moments were spent daydreaming about it.

My mother asked me whether there was someone for whom I had done a special kindness who might be showing appreciation. Perhaps the neighbor I helped when she was repairing the car out of order. Or maybe it was the old man across the street whose mails I helped to get during the winter so he wouldn't have to venture down his icy steps. As a teenager， I had more fun guessing that it might be a boy who had noticed me even though I didn't know him.

One month before my high school graduation， my father died of a heart attack. He was missing some of the most important events in my life. I became completely uninterested in my upcoming graduation and the dance. I forgot the dance and the dress prepared for the dance. The day before the dance， I found one dress in sofa. I didn't care whether I had a new dress or not， but my mother did.

She wanted her children to feel loved and lovable， imaginative， believing that there was magic in the world and beauty in the face of hard times. Actually my mother wanted her children to see themselves much like the gardenia—lovable， strong and perfect. The gardenia stopped coming when my mother died.

從12歲起，在我每年的生日那一天，一朵白色的梔子花就送到我的家。沒有賀卡或便條隨花而來。給花店打電話也總是徒勞的——它是用現金交易的。過了一段時間，我不再設法去打聽送花人是誰，只是愉快地享受那朵白花的美麗的芳香。從早到晚，我從沒有停止想象送花人可能是誰。我最愉快的一些時刻在想象中度過了。

我的母親問我是否為某人做了一件特別的好事，而他可能想表達他的感激之情。可能是鄰居。她的車壞了。當她修車時，我幫了忙。也有可能是那個過馬路的老頭。那時是冬天，我幫他去取郵件，他就不必冒險下覆蓋著冰的臺階去取。然而，作為一個少女，我更開心猜想他可能是一個關注我的男孩，盡管我并不認識他。

在我高中畢業的前一個月，我的父親死于心臟病。他不能參加我一生中最重要的一些儀式了。我對即將到來的畢業典禮和舞會漠不關心。甚至忘記了舞會和為舞會準備的衣服。舞會的前一天，我在沙發上發現了一件衣服。我不在意是否有新衣服，而我的母親在意。

她希望她的孩子感受到愛，也相信自己是可愛的、富于想象力的，相信世上有奇跡，相信艱難時期臉上也會綻放美麗。事實上，我的母親希望她的孩子把自己看作梔子花——可愛的、堅強的、完美無暇的梔子花。媽媽去世后，我就再也沒有收到梔子花了。