深度學習視角下“手繪思維導圖 助力讀后續寫”

呂少曼

讀后續寫主要依照內容情節、詞匯語法及銜接連貫等三個評價維度分7檔評分。如何幫助考生高效審題答題，是亟需解決的問題。深度學習是新課標積極倡導的學習方式，而思維簡圖可將抽象的思維及信息可視化，本文以2021年新高考全國I卷讀后續寫為例，說明如何手繪思維導圖，助力讀后續寫。

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

A MOTHERS DAY SURPRISE

The twins were filled with excitement as they thought of the surprise they were planning for Mothers Day. How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed. They planned to make French toast and chicken porridge. They had watched their mother in the kitchen. There was nothing to it. Jenna and Jeff knew exactly what to do.

The big day came at last. The alarm rang at 6 a.m. The pair went down the stairs quietly to the kitchen. They decided to boil the porridge first. They put some rice into a pot of water and left it to boil while they made the French toast. Jeff broke two eggs into a plate and added in some milk. Jenna found the bread and put two slices into the egg mixture. Next， Jeff turned on the second stove burner to heat up the frying pan. Everything was going smoothly until Jeff started frying the bread. The pan was too hot and the bread turned black within seconds. Jenna threw the burnt piece into the sink and put in the other slice of bread. This time， she turned down the fire so it cooked nicely.

Then Jeff noticed steam shooting out of the pot and the lid starting to shake. The next minute， the porridge boiled over and put out the fire. Jenna panicked. Thankfully， Jeff stayed calm and turned off the gas quickly. But the stove was a mess now. Jenna told Jeff to clean it up so they could continue to cook the rest of the porridge. But Jeffs hand touched the hot burner and he gave a cry of pain. Jenna made him put his hand in cold water. Then she caught the smell of burning. Oh dear！ The piece of bread in the pan had turned black as well.

注意：1. 續寫詞數應為 150 左右。

2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared.__________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.____________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

一、讀后續寫六步解題

1. 記住WHO原則，劃出關鍵信息

我們閱讀文本時著重找出記敘文的七個要點5W1H1O（簡稱為“WHO”），即語篇涉及的人物（who）、地點（where）、時間（when）、事件（what）、故事的起因（why）、發展過程（how），以及文章的架構（order）。具體問題鏈如下：

Who were the main characters in this story？

When and where did this story happen？

What happened in the given part of the story？Why？How？

What order was the story organized？

我們應邊讀邊快速劃出關鍵信息，盡快進入答題狀態。

2. 手繪思維導圖，梳理故事脈絡

我們劃出關鍵詞句后，可手繪思維簡圖梳理信息，提煉故事主干信息。如：

3. 畫出Story mountain，解讀記敘文

記敘文一般包括開端、發展、高潮、回落、結局。故事的主要沖突和矛盾一般發生在原文高潮部分，而故事的回落和結局就是考生要續寫的部分。2021新高考全國I卷讀后續寫標題A MOTHERS DAY SURPRISE及故事開端中How pleased and proud Mother would be when they brought her breakfast in bed 皆為續寫結局埋下伏筆。故事開端中雙胞胎迫不及待想為媽媽準備早餐，故事發展時他們進展順利，到高潮時他們狀況百出、手忙腳亂，這些皆為結局埋下暗線。續寫時要注意與前文呼應，故下文要有雙胞胎做好早餐并拿到媽媽床前，母親驚喜交加的場景設置，展現親情和愛的主題。故事山如下圖：

4. 關注兩個段首句，定好故事發展線

讀后續寫要注意多維度銜接，包括與所給段首句的銜接，續寫第一段與第二段的銜接，續寫段落與原文在內容邏輯、思維模式及語言風格上的銜接，故事內在意義也要連貫且凸顯主題。我們續寫前應重點分析兩個段首句，第二個段首句尤為關鍵，它暗示了故事的發展走向，對結局的設定至關重要。由于續寫語篇要求150詞左右，且分為兩段，而結局一般由兩三個主要場景構成。考生注意不能因某個小場景占用過多篇幅，喧賓奪主。如果次要場景過度渲染，主要場景因篇幅不夠草草了事，會使文章布局失衡影響得分。所以，列提綱，會取舍，有全局觀很重要。該題依據段首句中their father appeared及The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. 我們可手繪思維導圖列提綱如下：

5. 巧用細節描寫圖，增強故事畫面感

細節描寫不是越多越好，應緊扣主題合理設置。我們要分配好幾個主要場景的篇幅，并精選適當的動作、心理、情感、語言、環境描寫，以增強故事的可讀性。該題故事發生在廚房，環境刻畫沒有發展空間，可弱化環境描寫，著重于動作和情感描寫來凸顯親情主題。此外，可適當設計簡短對話，并靈活使用銜接詞和多樣化的句式，在語言的風格和形式上與原文協同。我們可手繪思維導圖，列出需要的詞塊句式。如：

6. 重視結尾，深化主題

2021年新高考全國I卷讀后續寫圍繞人與自我主題，選取了母親節當天為母親做早飯的語篇，呈現了勞動教育，親情、和諧家庭的主題，該考題主要體現了德智體美勞中的勞育和德育。續寫部分明線是“A Mothers Day Surprise”，暗線是“love among families”，我們只要圍繞主題，采用自然結尾式、以景結情式、哲理式結尾等均可。

二、參考范文及習作對比點評

1. 2021年新高考全國I卷讀后續寫由原文微調后的參考范文如下（采用自然結尾式）：

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared. One look and he knew what they were up to（動作詞塊、賓語從句）. Seeing（doing做狀語）their discouraged faces（神態詞塊）， he told them to clean up（動作詞塊）the kitchen while he helped them make breakfast for Mother（時間狀語從句）. The twins cheered up（情感詞塊）and did as told（動作詞塊）. Within an hour（銜接詞）， the kitchen was cleaned（被動句）， and Father had made some egg sandwiches and cooked some oat porridge. Then（銜接詞）he sneaked back to bed（動作詞塊）. The twins prepared the breakfast tray（動作詞塊）， adding a card（doing做伴隨狀語）they had made（后置定語）and stepped out of the kitchen.（動作詞塊）

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up.They hugged her， yelling（doing做伴隨狀語）“Happy Mothers Day， darling Mummy！”（簡短對話，呼應前文）Mother hugged the twins. Her eyes widened at the sight of the breakfast tray（情感詞塊， eyes widened 呼應標題surprise）. She shook Father who was pretending to snore（定語從句）. He feigned astonishment（情緒詞塊）when he saw the breakfast（時間狀語從句）. Mother bit into a sandwich（動作詞塊）and said it was the best she had ever tasted（句型，凸顯主題love）. Jeff immediately wanted to have a bite. Jenna caught her fathers eye and they winked at each other secretly（動詞詞塊）.

點評：該文內容完整，情節合理，句式豐富，能運用課標詞匯及精彩詞塊，故事畫面感強。

2. 筆者指導學生按六步解題法解答2021年新高考全國I卷讀后續寫，習作如下：

As the twins looked around them in disappointment， their father appeared. Seeing the kitchen in a mess（doing做狀語、環境描寫）， he immediately realized what happened（賓語從句）. The twins felt upset（情緒詞塊）and said“We just want to give mommy a surprise， help us， daddy.”（簡短對話，呼應標題surprise）Father agreed with a friendly smile（神態、動作詞塊）. The twins did as their father said， cleaning up（動作詞塊）the messy kitchen soon. Then（銜接詞）with the help of their father， the twins cooked the breakfast again. Fortunately（銜接詞）， everything seemed perfect in the end. The twins felt more than delighted（情感詞塊）when they walked out of the kitchen with their breakfast tray（時間狀語從句）. Then they added a card for Mothers Day with their best wishes.

The twins carried the breakfast upstairs and woke their mother up. Unaware of（形容詞短語）what happened（賓語從句）， mother waked up with her eyes half widening to see the twins（動作詞塊）. What a surprise it was！（感嘆句，呼應標題surprise）Their mother was so moved（情感詞塊）that she hugged her two sweethearts happily. Joyfully（銜接詞），Jeff couldnt wait to taste the yummy porridge while Jenna bit the delicious bread（狀語從句）. Mother read the card and ate the tasty breakfast with the twins， expressing her happiness and gratitude（動作、情感詞塊）. She said this was the best gift that she ever received（句式，點題）. Father also pretended to be amazed to see the breakfast the twins brought to them（后置定語）. What really happened in the morning（主語從句）was a sweet secret among father and the twins. What an unforgettable Mothers Day for the family！（結尾點題）

點評：該文情節合理，主題積極，故事連貫，語言流暢，但稍欠文采。我們要在學習中整理筆記，積累詞塊，學習范文及英文原著中豐富細致的表達。

三、結語

考生可依據“讀”“看”“寫”深度結合的六步解題法，輔以手繪思維導圖，實現“閱讀”和“寫作”的深度融合。考生應有意識地使用3500高中課標詞匯，并圍繞主題適當使用細節描寫和多樣化句型，提升語篇文采。續寫故事要注意與原文的融洽度，須內容結構完整、情節邏輯合理、語言準確豐富、銜接連貫自然。總之，記住“who在山上，段首細節，主題結尾，銜接連貫”口訣，審好記敘文，寫好讀后續寫語篇。

責任編輯 蔣小青