Forgotten and forgiven 媽媽的曲奇餅

廣東 周淑涵

As I sat in the second-floor window of our brick schoolhouse that afternoon,my heart began to sink further with each passing car.This was a day I'd looked forward to for weeks—Miss Pace's fourth-grade,end-of-the-year party.Miss Pace had kept a running countdown(倒計時） on the blackboard all that week,and our class of nine-year-olds had bordered on insurrection by the time the eagerly anticipated “Party Friday” had arrived.

I had happily volunteered my mother when Miss Pace requested cookie volunteers.Mom's chocolate chips were most popular on our block,and I knew they'd be a hit with my classmates.But two o'clock passed,and there was no sign of my mother.Most of the other mothers had already come and gone,dropping off their offerings of punch and crackers,chips,cupcakes and brownies.My mother was missing in action.

“Don't worry,Robbie.She'll be along soon,” Miss Pace said as I gazed down the street.I looked at the wall clock just in time to see its black minute hand shift to half-past.Around me,the noisy party continued,but I wouldn't move from my window watch post.

Miss Pace tried her best to persuade me to move,but I stayed still,holding out hope that the familiar family car would round the corner,carrying my rightfully embarrassed mother with a tin of her famous cookies tucked under her arm.

The three o'clock bell soon gave me a sudden shock from my thoughts and I disappointedly grabbed my book bag from my desk and shuffled out the door for home.On the four-block walk to our house,I plotted my revenge.I would slam the front door upon entering,refuse to return her hug when she rushed over to me,and swear never to speak to her again.

The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mother's absence,but found none.My chin quivered with a mixture of heartbreak and rage.For the first time in my life,my mother had let me down.

Useful sentence patterns

1.Miss Pace had kept a running countdown on the blackboard all that week,and our class of nine-year-olds had bordered on insurrection by the time the much-anticipated “Party Friday” had arrived.那個星期佩斯小姐在黑板上做了個倒計時牌，當這個萬眾期待的“周五派對日”到來的時候，我們一班九歲大的孩子們興奮得像炸開了鍋一樣。

分析：本句為復合句，包含一個and連接的并列句，以及by the time引導的時間狀語從句，意為“到了……的時候”。其中，border on insurrection是一個固定搭配，意為“興奮得像炸開了鍋”。

2.The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mother's absence,but found none.當我回到家時，房子里空無一人，我在冰箱上尋找可能解釋母親缺席原因的字條，但我什么也沒找到。

分析：本句為復合句，包含一個and連接的并列句，并列句中分別包含了一個when引導的時間狀語從句以及that引導的定語從句，還有一個but連接的并列句。

閱讀上面的文章，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1.所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；

2.續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

I was lying face-down on my bed upstairs when I heard my mother come through the front door.

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Paragraph 2:

Then my mother did something completely unexpected.She sank down on the bed and began to weep like a little girl.____________________________________________________________

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寫作導引

一、語篇研讀

讀后續寫要求續寫的部分在情節和邏輯方面與原文高度契合。為此，我們必須在掌握原文大意和敘述意圖的基礎上，分析所給文章的情境模式。

分析記敘文的情境模式，就需要關注5個W，即：who、what、when、where，以及why。 我們在閱讀時要把握故事的情節線，分析故事的起因、開始、發展，并歸納出故事的主要矛盾，根據文章中已知的信息，如情感的線索、行為的線索、時間的線索、空間的線索等來推斷將要發生的事情，合理構思續寫部分的情節。

二、情節構思

基于原文本和續寫段落首句提供的信息，采用圍繞中心提問相關問題的方法，構思要續寫的故事情節，一般分為四步。

第一步，根據已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

文章給出的部分主要記敘的是：佩斯小組舉辦班級年終派對，其他同學的媽媽都帶著點心來到教室，但是“我”的媽媽沒有來，“我”一直等待，直到派對結束。憤怒又失望的“我”回到家發現家里沒有人，媽媽也沒有給“我”留下解釋的字條，“我”難受極了。結合文章最后兩段對“我”的心理狀態的描寫——“失望地（disappointedly）”“報復（revenge）”“憤怒（rage）”“心碎（heartbreak）”等內容可推斷出本文的立意是“道歉”和“原諒”。

第二步，根據續寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續寫第一段應包括什么內容。

分析第二段的段首句，“媽媽做出了令人意想不到的事情，她倒到床上，哭得像一個小女孩一樣”，并結合文本的最后一段“我回到家，發現家里沒有人，也沒有看到媽媽留下的解釋缺席原因的字條，這是媽媽第一次讓我失望透頂”可知，續寫第一段要寫媽媽回來以后跟“我”解釋她缺席的原因，并且“我”一開始并不接受她的道歉，這樣才能確保續寫的兩段是相銜接的。

第三步，圍繞續寫第一段所給出的段首句以及上面的分析進行提問構思：

（1）What's my reaction to my mother's coming back?

（2）How did my mother explain her absence to me?

（3）What's my response to my mother's apology?

第四步，圍繞續寫第二段所給出的段首句進行提問構思：

（1）How did I feel when I saw my mother crying?

（2）What did I do to comfort my mother?

（3）How did my mother and I make peace?

三、潤色成篇

在續寫的過程中要注意情節連貫，各部分內容相銜接：1.兩段的續寫與所給短文的銜接；2.每段的續寫與續寫段首句之間的銜接；3.兩段續寫之間的銜接。同時要注意語言風格的一致和語法、句型以及所用單詞的準確性。比如，刻畫人物形象時運用恰當的形容詞使其栩栩如生，描寫人物心理活動時使用一些動詞或副詞使其細微深入。