淳于髡巧諫齊威王

仙輯

淳于髡[kūn]，齊國黃縣（今山東省龍口市）人，戰國時期齊國政治家、思想家，齊之贅婿，齊威王拜其為政卿大夫。

淳于髡身高不到七尺，滑稽幽默，能言善辯，多次出使諸侯國。齊威王喜歡聽隱語，愛好整夜飲酒淫樂，把國家政事都交給卿大夫去管，結果百官胡作非為，惹的諸侯各國都來攻打，眼看國家就要危亡了，可是齊王左右的人都不敢解勸。這時淳于髡就用隱語對齊威王說：“有一只大鳥，落在國王的院子里，已經三年了，不飛也不叫，大王知道這只鳥是怎么回事嗎？”齊威王說：“這只鳥不飛便罷，一飛沖天；不鳴便罷，一鳴驚人。”說完之后，立刻召集齊國境內各縣的縣令都來開會，會上獎勵了一個人，殺掉了一個人，接著發兵出戰。這讓諸侯各國都很震驚，趕快把侵占去的土地還給了齊國。

齊威王八年，楚國派大軍攻打齊國。齊王派淳于髡去趙國請求援兵，讓他帶著黃金百斤、馬車十輛做禮物。淳于髡一看，哈哈大笑。齊王問：“先生是嫌禮物少嗎？”淳于髡說：“怎敢嫌少！”齊王說：“那你為什么笑呢？”淳于髡說：“剛才我從東面來時，看見路邊有個農民在那里祭田神。他左手拿著一只豬蹄，右手拿著一杯酒，祝禱說：‘請保佑我高坡的收成滿筐量，坑洼的收成用車裝；五谷豐登，糧食滿倉。我看他拿出來的祭品雖然不多，但想要的東西卻滿不少的哩！所以我笑他。”齊威王于是給他增添了黃金千鎰、白璧十對、車馬百輛。淳于髡辭別威王，到了趙國。趙王為淳于髡派出了精兵十萬，戰車千輛。楚軍聽到這個消息，當夜就撤兵回去了。

Chun Yukun， a native of Huang County （todays Longkou City in Shandong Province） in the Kingdom of Qi and a statesman and thinker of the Kingdom of Qi in the Warring States Period， was a son-in-law who lived in the home of his wifes parents in the Kingdom of Qi. King Wei of Qi made him the Grand Master for Political Affairs.

Less than 176 cm in height， Chun Yukun was funny， humorous， and silver-tongued. He was sent on diplomatic missions to other kingdoms for many times. King Wei of Qi enjoyed listening to puns and indulged himself in drinking and carnal pleasures. He assigned all the state affairs to grand masters. Eventually， officials acted disorderly and put the kingdom at stake. Nevertheless， those by the side of the king were afraid to advise. Then Chun Yukun told a pun to the king： “A big bird fell into a kings courtyard and stayed there for three years without singing or flying away. Do you know why？” The king answered： “The bird wont fly unless it flies up to the sky. It wont sing unless its singing amazes all.” After these words， he immediately convened the county magistrates of all counties in the Kingdom of Qi for a meeting， in which he praised a person and killed another one before he sent troops to fight. It stunned other kingdoms， which hurriedly returned the lands they occupied from the Kingdom of Qi.

In the eighth year of the reign of King Wei of Qi， the Kingdom of Chu sent troops to attack the Kingdom of Qi. The king of the Kingdom of Qi sent Chun Yukun to the Kingdom of Zhao for military aid. He told Chun Yukun to take a hundred jin （50 kilograms） of gold and ten horsedrawn carts with him as gifts. Chun Yukun laughed when he saw them. The king asked： “Do you think the gifts are inadequate？” Chun Yukun replied： “How can I say so？” The king said： “So why did you laugh？” Chun Yukun answered： “I came from the east and saw a farmer worshipping the God of Farmlands by the road. With a pigs foot in his left hand and a cup of wine in his right hand， he prayed： ‘Please bless me with a bumper harvest of crops overfilling my barn， reflected by baskets of crops for the highland and carts of crops for the lowland. I found he prayed for a lot in spite of offering few sacrifices. That is why I laughed at him.” Hence， King Wei of Qi increased the gifts to 1，000 yi （1，000 kilograms） of gold， 10 pairs of white jade， and 100 horse-drawn carts. Chun Yukun bade farewell to King Wei and went to the Kingdom of Zhao.