豐富句子，提升輸出效果

浙江 彭文國

文章敘述的最終效果，要體現(xiàn)在語言最基本的單位上。語言最基本的單位是詞匯，其次是句子結構。句子結構使用得好，且和詞匯相輔相成，才能夠很好地渲染故事，增強表現(xiàn)張力，提升表達的效果。從某種層面上講，詞匯只有在合適的句子結構框架下，才能最大限度地發(fā)揮其作用，才能提升語言的輸出效果。基礎的英語表達中，有哪些比較好的句子結構？我們該如何使用這些句子結構呢？

【名師導學】

1.敘述故事時不宜用過長或復雜的句子，可以用條理清晰的含有從句的復合句，也可以使用非謂語動詞、with 的復合結構、獨立主格結構等，使句子多樣化，從而提升文章的表達效果。

2.在使用特殊句子或結構的時候，注意文章結構要均衡。要長短結合，使得句子有勻稱、舒服的節(jié)奏感。注意不要堆砌辭藻，也不要濫用句子結構；同時，盡量少用重復的句子結構和詞組。

【案例導引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Jenny was a pretty eight-year-old girl. She had been the pride of her parents before she lost her legs in an accident.

One day when she and her mother were checking out at a grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace, by which she was totally defeated. How eagerly she wanted it! But when she saw the price, her heart sank a little. She gathered up her courage and asked her mother if she would buy it for her. Her mother said,“Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I can buy you the necklace, but when we get home, we should make a list of housework that you can do to pay for the necklace.”Jenny agreed immediately, feeling a burst of joy. So her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her housework determinedly and earnestly every day.Soon Jenny paid off the necklace.

Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said,“Jenny, do you love me?”“Oh,yes. Daddy, you know I love you,”the little girl said delightedly, with a broad smile on her face.“Well, then, can you give me your necklace,”her father asked. Hearing that, Jenny froze there, a worrying expression twisting her face.“Oh! Daddy, not my necklace! But you can have Rosy,my favorite doll.Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday.Okay?”“Oh no,darling,that's okay.”Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss,gently and calmly.“Good night,little one.”

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story,“Do you love me?”“Oh, yes. Daddy, you know I love you,”the little girl murmured softly, trying to escape from her father's eyes.“Well, then, give me your necklace,”her father said.“Oh, Daddy,not my necklace! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She is my favorite,”the little girl begged.“No, that's okay,”her father said, smiling broadly and sweetly and brushed her cheek again with a kiss.“God bless you,little one.Sweet dreams.”

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed.___________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Holding the plastic pearl necklace his daughter offered,the father dragged out a blue box.

一、故事發(fā)展

二、原文中的精彩句子結構

情景意義看到項鏈的時候用非限制性定語從句表達珍妮對那條項鏈的喜愛看到價格的時候媽媽同意買項鏈的時候爸爸第一次向她索要項鏈的時候用sank表達珍妮的失望爸爸第二次向她索要項鏈的時候等待爸爸講故事的時候___________句子結構Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace, by which she was totally de-_________________________________________________________________________________________________feated.But when she saw the price,_________________her hea_________________________________________________________rt_sank_a_little.Jenny agreed immediately,feeling a burst of joy.Hearing that, Jenny froze there,a worrying expression twisting her____________________________________________________________face.The little girl murmured softly,trying to escape from her father's____________________________________________________________eyes.Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed._______________________________________________________用現(xiàn)在分詞短語表達珍妮的快樂用Hearing that 作時間狀語，用froze 表達珍妮的矛盾和不知所措，用獨立主格結構渲染珍妮的情緒___________________用動詞murmured 表達珍妮還是有點舍不得的心情，同時用現(xiàn)在分詞短語補充說明當時的情景_____________________此處anxiously給出了續(xù)寫的發(fā)揮空間

三、續(xù)寫中可以使用的句子結構

1. 在聽爸爸講故事的時候，可以用“When listening to the story, Jenny was totally absent-minded, with her hands holding the necklace tightly and firmly.”。此句中，When引導時間狀語從句，主句用了一個簡單的“主系表”結構，with的復合結構表示伴隨的動作。這個句子長短結合，先短再長，具有很好的平衡性。

2.在描述珍妮把項鏈給她父親的時候，可以用“When the story came to an end,unexpectedly, Jenny offered her beloved necklace to her father, her fingers trembling automatically.”。此句中，her fingers trembling automatically 是獨立主格結構，形象地表達了珍妮當時的情感特征，她舍不得美麗的項鏈，但是，她對爸爸的愛遠遠超過了對項鏈的愛。

3. 在敘述爸爸的盒子里的東西的時候，可以用“Much to Jenny's amazement, a beautiful real pearl necklace lay peacefully in the box,which set her heart racing.”。此句中，Much to Jenny's amazement作狀語，which引導非限制性定語從句，說明了珍妮當時的情感。

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1：

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was waiting anxiously for him on the bed.When listening to the story,Jenny was totally absent-minded,with her hands holding the necklace tightly and firmly.When the story came to an end,unexpectedly, Jenny offered her beloved necklace to her father, her fingers trembling automatically. No one knew what the necklace meant to her. She whispered to her father, softly and gently,“Daddy, you know I love you more than the necklace.”Then, the necklace slid into her father's hands determinedly.

Paragraph 2：

Holding the plastic pearl necklace his daughter offered, the father dragged out a blue box.Much to Jenny's amazement, a beautiful real pearl necklace lay peacefully in the box,which set her heart racing. Jenny froze there, an expression of thrill twisting her face. Before Jenny was able to say something, her father brushed her face with a warm kiss and gathered her into his arms. The dad said,“Jenny, life is like this pearl necklace. Stay strong and confident enough, and you will glitter like it every day.”Holding the genuine necklace in her hand,Jenny lifted her lip,tears beginning to blur her vision.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

Billy was 15 years old then. He grew up in a very poor neighborhood. No one in his family had gone to college before. Actually, few people around him had received higher education. They all struggled to live a good life. Therefore, Billy knew nothing about college or scholarships and he never thought he would go to college one day.Although he was a smart boy,he didn't study hard at school and often got into trouble with other teenagers in his neighborhood.

One day, while Billy was walking on the playground, a boy of his age started making fun of him. Then that boy pushed him hard and Billy fell onto the ground. Billy became so angry that he stood up and beat that boy.So a fight began.

It happened that Billy's English teacher Mr Smith was walking nearby. He immediately ran to the boys to stop the fight. Billy was a bit worried because he knew his teacher was very strict with students.He was afraid that his teacher would punish him.However,to his astonishment,his teacher didn't do that.

“Billy,let's have a talk,”said his teacher.

Billy,not knowing what his teacher wanted to do,was very worried.But he nodded.So they went to a bench nearby and sat down. After they sat down, Mr Smith began,“Billy, I know you're a smart boy, but you're wasting your life now. Why don't you study hard to go to college so that you can change your life and have a bright future?”

Hearing that, Billy didn't know what to say. He had never thought about it. Billy was in silence. Mr Smith continued,“I know you may have never thought about going to college.But everything is possible.When I was at your age,I was a troublemaker just like you and never thought I'd be able to go to college, either. It was all because of the support and encouragement of Mr Howard,my math teacher in high school.”

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。Paragraph 1:

Then,Mr Smith began to tell Billy his story.___________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Billy was greatly touched by Mr Smith's story._________________________________

【評價導思】

1.原文中用了哪些表現(xiàn)力很強的特殊句子結構？這些句子結構對語義的表達有怎樣的提升作用？

2.你的續(xù)寫用了哪些特殊的句子結構？

3.范文中用了哪些精彩的句子結構？你有什么樣的啟發(fā)？