如何委婉地拒絕他人

王依依

How many ways are there to say“No”without offending anyones feeling？ Well， there is“No， I cant”，“No， I dont have time”and“No， I dont want to”. But the problem is that many of us try to avoid situations that require us to say“No”to people. In almost every culture this little word is associated with rejection， failure， egoism and a lack of tact and empathy towards others.

I cannot recall how many times I have eaten burnt， under cooked， bland and poorly tasting dishes simply because I did not want to hurt the feelings of the person who had cooked them. Or the times when I bought something， I did not need， because I felt guilty leaving a shop empty-handed after spending 20 minutes of the shop assistants time.

How do you say“No”without offending anyone or feeling guilty afterwards？ There is a great lesson to be learned from such approach to communication.

If just like me， you sometimes find it difficult to be direct about saying“No”，you can still be assertive and express you disagreement in a more subtle， yet equally powerful way. The great thing about this method is that it gets your point across without making you look bad， unprofessional， insensitive or uncaring.

Here are 7 Sneaky Ways to Say“No”without OffendingAnyone

1.“This sounds interesting， but I have too much on my plate at the moment.”

When you start your disagreement with a compliment：“This sounds interesting”，it makes the person less defensive and gives you a valid reason to decline“I have too much on my plate at the moment”.

2.“Im sorry but last time I did ___， I had a negative experience.”

This is a life- saver for me every time I have to explain to people that I do not eat meat. Before I would say that I was a vegetarian， but for some reason this explanation has never worked on hospitable Italian grandmothers. They would try to feed me bacon， sausage and octopuses（yuck！）explaining it with“this is not meat”or“I just put a little in this dish”.

Now I simply say，“Im sorry， but I cannot eat meat. Last time I did， I had a terrible headache.”And it works like a charm， because no one wants to hurt you on purpose.

The focus here is not on what you want or do not want to do， but on your previous bad experience.

3.“Id love to do this， but ____”

This is a great way of saying that you like the idea， you are willing to help， but you just cannot do it at the moment.

Note： Just do not go into a lengthy justification of why you cannot do it.

First， it is not necessary. Time is a limited resource and when you say“yes”to one task， you have to say“no”to other opportunities that might be more important， urgent and beneficial to you at the moment. Second， offering a lengthy explanation makes you sound guilty and unsure， so people might push further to see if you will agree.

4.“Im not the best person to help on this. Why dont you try X？”

If you feel that you cannot contribute much to the task， have no time or lack the re-sources， do not beat around the bush！ Let the person know it up front. This， however， does not mean that you cannot be helpful. You can still refer the person to a lead they can follow up on.

5.“I cant do this， but I can do ____（less commitment）. ”

This is another variation of the previous method. You are saying“No”to a request， but you are still offering your help on your own terms， choosing the easier， less time-consuming commitment.

6.“You look great， but ___ does not do you justice.”

This is a great way to diplomatically express your opinion when someone asks you a question about their appearance， without hurting the other persons feelings（especially if the person asking you is your friend， your superior or your spouse）.

7.“That sounds great， but I just cant put one more thing on my calendar for the next few weeks. Let me call you ___（specific time range）. ”

Sometimes you might get a proposal， an idea or a request that sounds interesting. But considering the amount of tasks on your to-do list， you do not feel like taking another commitment just yet.

In this case， instead of saying a straight out“No”，you are giving yourself time to reflect before making a final decision：“Let me call you ___（specific time range）.”

However， if you are not interested， do not leave the person hanging on. Use other ways to say“No”that are more definitive（e.g. methods #1，#2 or #3）.It is more disappointing when the person is counting on you and you let them down.

有多少種方法在拒絕時不得罪人呢“不行，我沒法做。”“不行，我沒空。”“不行我不想做。”但是問題在于，我們很多人都想避免對別人說“不”。幾乎在每種文化中“不”這個字都和拒絕、失敗、利己主義、應變能力不足、缺少同情心聯系起來。

我記不起來有多少次，我因為不想傷害做飯的人的感情而吃掉糊了的、夾生的、平淡無味的或味道很差的食物。我也記不起來有多少次我買了不需要的東西，只是因為我覺得花了導購員20分鐘的時間兩手空空離開會有一種負罪感。

怎樣說“不”而不冒犯他人或之后自己沒有負罪感？我們可以好好學習一下這種溝通的方法。

如果你和我一樣，有時你會發現很難直接說“不”，但是你依然可以自信地用更加微妙、同樣有效的方式表達異議。這種方法的精妙之處在于，既能表達你的意思，又不會讓人覺得你很差勁、不夠職業、不夠敏感或漠不關心。

下面是7種拒絕而不傷害他人的委婉方法：

1.“聽起來很有趣，但是我現在有太多的事情要做。”

如果你在表達異議時用贊美開頭：“聽起來很有趣”，會讓人的心理防御降低，這時你可以用正當理由來拒絕，如“我現在有太多的事情要做。”

2.“不好意思，上次我這樣做時，我很難受。”

當我每次需要向他人解釋我不吃肉時，這句話是我的救命稻草。在此之前，我通常說我是素食主義者，但是不知什么原因，這種解釋對好客的意大利奶奶們一點兒用也沒有。她們總是讓我吃培根、香腸和章魚（真難吃！），并向我解釋“這不是肉”或“只放了一點點兒。”

現在我只是說，“不好意思，我不能吃肉。上次我吃肉時，我頭疼得很厲害。”這非常管用，因為沒人想故意傷害你。

這里要注意的是，關鍵不在于你想要什么或不想做什么，關鍵在于上次你這樣做很難受。

3.“我想這么做，但是____”

這是一種很好的方式，說你喜歡這樣做，你想去幫忙，但是你現在沒法做。

注意：不要進一步說明你為什么不能做。

首先，沒有必要。每個人的時間都是有限的，當你對一項任務說“是”的時候，你就不得不對另外的一些機遇說“不”，盡管那些機遇現在對你來說可能是更加重要、緊急或有益的。另外，進一步解釋會讓你有種負罪感和不確定感，人們會進一步勸說你看你是否會同意。

4.“我不是這項任務的最佳人選。要不你們看看X行不行？”

如果你覺得你不能在任務中投入太多精力，沒有那么多時間或缺少資源，那就不要拐彎抹角！讓別人知道。這樣，別人就不會覺得你沒有幫忙。你可以推薦他人供他們參考。

5.“我不能這樣做，但是我可以___（做出較少的承諾）。”

這是前面那種方法的變種。你雖然是對別人的請求說“不”，但是你仍然提供幫助，選擇相對簡單、需要較少時間的方式。

6.“你看上去很棒，但是___不是很適合你。”

當別人問你外貌方面的問題時，這是一個既能表達出你的想法卻又不傷害別人情感的好方法（尤其當那個人是你的朋友、上級或配偶時）。

7.“聽起來很不錯，但是接下來的幾周我的行程已經排得滿滿的了。等我在___時（具體的時間范圍內）打電話通知你。”

有時你可能會得到一個有趣的提議、想法或請求。但考慮到你任務清單上的內容你可能不想做出其他承諾。

在這種情況下，與其直接說“不”，不如爭取時間想想再做決定：“等我在___時（具體的時間范圍內）打電話通知你。”

然而，要是你不感興趣的話，就不要讓別人等待。使用另外幾種明確說“不”的方式（如方法#1、#2或#3）。如果別人指望你而你讓他們掃興的話，那樣會更令人失望的。