寫好結(jié)尾，續(xù)出精彩

廣東 陳麗芳

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫的結(jié)尾句是全文的收筆處，精彩的結(jié)尾能夠起到點(diǎn)睛的作用，除了給讀者留下深刻印象，亦能喚起讀者的思考與共鳴，增強(qiáng)文章的感染力。在結(jié)束故事劇情的基礎(chǔ)之上，可以靈活運(yùn)用畫面定格、情感升華、主題提煉、首尾呼應(yīng)、人物對(duì)話等多種方式進(jìn)行結(jié)尾，對(duì)故事主題進(jìn)行深化，使人物情感得到升華。熟練掌握這些結(jié)尾方法并針對(duì)故事特征進(jìn)行恰當(dāng)?shù)倪\(yùn)用，可以使文章的結(jié)尾更加出彩。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.畫面定格式結(jié)尾

以具有特殊意義的畫面結(jié)尾，這個(gè)畫面可以是開頭畫面的再現(xiàn)，也可以是其他的畫面，用來映襯人物當(dāng)時(shí)的心情，渲染場景氛圍。我們通常可以定格人物動(dòng)作畫面或者是具有特殊寓意的寫景畫面。

例句欣賞：The wild murmured in the trees and the sunlight flooded in through the window,warming the whole room,as if the freezing ice was all melted.

2.情感升華式結(jié)尾

在讀后續(xù)寫的結(jié)尾部分，可以采用情感升華的方式，激發(fā)讀者思考，讓讀者產(chǎn)生情感上的共鳴。情感升華的結(jié)尾要求有較高的立意，因?yàn)檫@樣能夠產(chǎn)生強(qiáng)烈的藝術(shù)感染力，使其成為故事的靈魂。通常，我們可以通過人生感悟、生活真諦或者哲理來實(shí)現(xiàn)結(jié)尾部分的情感升華。

例句欣賞：I held the paper bag tightly, tears rolling down without control.It is love that makes the world go around,which I felt deep in my heart.

3.主題提煉式結(jié)尾

在結(jié)尾中，對(duì)主題進(jìn)行提煉往往能夠起到凝練中心、升華主旨的作用。常見的方式是使用名言作為結(jié)尾。這種結(jié)尾可以引出結(jié)論、即時(shí)抒情、凸顯主旨、渲染氛圍等，為我們的續(xù)寫畫龍點(diǎn)睛、添磚加瓦。

例句欣賞：Looking back on the previous experience, he learned a new lesson: keep calm no matter what happens,and then you can overcome everything.

4.首尾呼應(yīng)式結(jié)尾

文章的開頭和結(jié)尾在內(nèi)容上要有密切的關(guān)系，對(duì)同一情況做出解釋說明，使文章渾然一體，突顯文章主旨。寫這樣的結(jié)尾，常見的方式是在結(jié)尾處突顯開頭中的某些關(guān)鍵詞、關(guān)鍵畫面等。

例句欣賞：(2017·浙江卷)Despite Mom's being absent-minded and forgetful,she was still a kind and nice mom.(呼應(yīng)文章開頭的absent-minded)

5.人物對(duì)話式結(jié)尾

對(duì)話看似簡單，但往往蘊(yùn)含著豐富的情感，令人回味。用人物對(duì)話結(jié)尾給讀者留下的不僅僅是一句話，而是一個(gè)有聲有色的畫面、一片充滿遐想的空間，能夠達(dá)到言有盡而意無窮的效果。

例句欣賞：A smile came to his face.“Mrs Li, thank you,”he said.“And thank you,Ada,”she said.“Your smile is the nicest present I can have.”

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

It was a few months since our beloved boxer（拳師狗）Bama had passed away.He'd lived a good and long life.Alan and I didn't have children.Our boxer was our baby.After Bama's death,we couldn't bring ourselves to go through his toys to decide what to keep,so we put them all in the basement.I told myself I'd do it when I was ready.Apparently,I still wasn't.

Now I sat in my yard and wept.Our friends and family had suggested we get another dog, but Alan and I dismissed the idea.We couldn't go through that kind of heartbreak again.I gazed out over the yard.Across the street was a dog.A boxer.I wiped the tears from my eyes,heart beating wildly.Was he real or just wishful imagination?I took a second look.The boxer was still there.We locked eyes.He ran across the street, straight toward me.I offered my hand.He sniffed it eagerly,bushy tail wagging.He licked me.

This dog was younger than Bama, smaller.He was well-fed and clean.He wore a collar but had no ID.I knew he must belong to someone in the neighborhood.But I'd never seen another boxer around.

The dog lay down beside my feet, his tongue lolling in a doggie smile.He didn't seem lost.Just as if he were dropping by for a visit.

“Alan!”I called.“You have to come see this!”

Alan joined me, and we sat together in awe for a moment.Then the boxer got up and walked off.In the following days, he'd sometimes appear in the backyard when Alan and I were outside.Other times,he'd wait for us on the front porch.

With each visit, I could feel the ache in my heart lessen.Seeing him was helping me work through my deep sorrow.

At work one day, a young man and an older woman I'd never seen before came in.I took down the man's address to complete some paperwork and noticed he lived on the other side of the street from me.His name was Tanner.The woman with him was his grandmother.He and his family had recently moved from Georgia.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

“Do you happen to have a dog?”I asked._____________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

“Not at all!Actually,he was a big help,”I said.________________________________

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一、學(xué)語言，知梗概

（一）請(qǐng)用文本中的詞匯完成翻譯

1.定期拜訪某人____________________

2.看起來既驚訝又尷尬____________________

3.向外注視____________________

4.擦干眼淚____________________

5.給某人造成麻煩____________________

6.給某人帶來安慰____________________

7.（心）狂跳____________________

8.把我們所有人聚在一起____________________

9.積灰____________________

10.拜訪____________________

【參考答案】1.pay sb regular visits 2.look surprised and embarrassed 3.gaze out 4.wipe the tears from one's eyes 5.cause sb trouble 6.bring comfort to sb 7.beat wildly 8.bring all of us together 9.gather dust 10.drop by for a visit

（二）概括原文的故事情節(jié)

Alan and I didn't have children, and we kept a boxer Bama as our baby for a long time.But a few months ago,Bama 1.________.We were so sad that we had to put Bama's toys in the 2.________.We refused to get another dog because we couldn't go through the kind of 3.________again.One day a 4.________boxer ran across the street, straight toward me while I was gazing out over the yard.The boxer was 5.________,wearing a collar without ID.I knew he must 6._________someone in the 7.________.In the following days,the boxer often came to visit us,which lessened our ache in the heart for losing Bama.One day,I met a young man whose name was Tanner when I was 8.________.I had never seen him before.Then I took down his address and noticed he 9.________.He and his family had recently 10.________Georgia.

【參考答案】1.passed away 2.basement 3.heartbreak 4.younger and smaller 5.well-fed and clean 6.belong to 7.neighborhood 8.working 9.lived up the street from me 10.moved from

二、讀人物，析情感

原文主要講述了作者和她老公艾倫因?yàn)椤昂⒆印比瓗煿钒婉R去世而十分傷心，直到后來偶遇了另外一只拳師狗，心情才有所轉(zhuǎn)變的故事。“我”、巴馬和后面出現(xiàn)的小狗是主要人物，其他人物是次要人物。根據(jù)原文，我們可以預(yù)測續(xù)寫部分可能出現(xiàn)的人物有新出現(xiàn)的狗狗、“我”、新狗狗的主人。

The plot Beginning____Our beloved boxer Bama had passed away.__________Development Climax My feelings Heartbroken_________________I wiped the tears, heart beating wildly.The ache in my heart lessened.Ending______We came across a boxer across the street.We met the boxer frequently during the following_____________days.?___________________________________________?__________________________

通過分析表格和原文所給的續(xù)寫首句，我們可以預(yù)測作者接下來會(huì)遇到狗狗的主人并與之交談，而作者的心情也從最開始的心碎到慢慢回歸正常，感受快樂。

三、析主題，思情節(jié)

（一）閱讀材料，找出最能體現(xiàn)故事主題的兩個(gè)詞

①family ②love ③accident ④teamwork ⑤sincerity ⑥change

【參考答案】②⑥

（二）構(gòu)思具體情節(jié)

建構(gòu)合適的主干情節(jié)之后，接下來可以通過問題鏈來構(gòu)思要續(xù)寫的兩段的具體情節(jié)。

續(xù)寫第一段：“Do you happen to have a dog?”I asked.

1.How would Tanner answer me?

2.Was Tanner surprised at my question?How would I explain it?

3.What might Tanner say to make me say“Not at all!Actually,he was a big help.”?

根據(jù)以上問題及其答案，我們嘗試?yán)m(xù)寫第一段：

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【參考答案】

“Do you happen to have a dog?”I asked.“We do,”he said.“Is he a boxer?”“Yes,my dog Alex is a boxer.”“I have met him.He has actually been paying me regular visits.”The moment Tanner heard what I had said, he looked surprised and embarrassed.“I am so sorry,”he said.“We are building a fence,but it is not finished yet and Alex keeps getting out.I hope he didn't cause you any trouble.”

續(xù)寫第二段：“Not at all!Actually,he was a big help,”I said.

1.What does“he”refer to?Why did I say“he was a big help”?

2.How did I deal with the old toys?

3.How can we design a warm ending to the story?Would I see the dog again?

根據(jù)以上問題及其答案，我們嘗試?yán)m(xù)寫第二段：

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【參考答案】

“Not at all!Actually,he was a big help,”I said.I told him about my Bama and the comfort Alex had brought to us.It has been three years since that day.Tanner and his family have become our good friends.Alan and I see them often along with Alex,the boxer who brought all of us together.Now Bama's toys don't just sit in the basement, gathering dust.Alan and I keep them out for Alex to enjoy.

四、修結(jié)尾，添美感

在完成初稿的基礎(chǔ)上，我們嘗試使用今天所學(xué)的五種方式來給續(xù)寫添加一個(gè)精彩的結(jié)尾。

I told him about my Bama and the comfort Alex had brought to us.It has been three years since that day.Tanner and his family have become our good friends.Alan and I see them often along with Alex,the boxer who brought all of us together.Now Bama's toys don't just sit in the basement,gathering dust.Alan and I keep them out for Alex to enjoy.

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妙招1：畫面定格式結(jié)尾

Possible ending version 1: From then on, every time Alex dropped by for a visit, I would throw my arms around him tightly and Alex would loll his tongue out, licking me softly.Balmy breeze wiping my face,a surge of warmth just hit us at that moment.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：這個(gè)結(jié)尾描繪了作者與狗狗擁抱的畫面，營造出和諧溫暖的氛圍，并將人物感動(dòng)的心情與微風(fēng)拂面的環(huán)境相結(jié)合，溫暖襲人，結(jié)尾非常自然，水到渠成，也讓人在這樣的畫面中感悟到人與動(dòng)物、人與人之間的愛，溫暖人心。

妙招2：情感升華式結(jié)尾

Possible ending version 2: I was touched and grateful to Alex and his family who gave me a special gift that would change my life.Something inside me just clicked by them,and I finally found my“Bama”.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：這個(gè)結(jié)尾通過兩個(gè)心理描寫的句子，表達(dá)了“我”對(duì)狗狗亞歷克斯及其家人深深的感激之情。從最后一句中的I finally found my“Bama”可以感受到作者從亞歷克斯身上獲得的生活感悟：無論失去是多么痛苦，只要你敞開心扉，勇敢面對(duì)，愛依舊在。簡單的結(jié)尾卻飽含深情，在凸顯文本主題的同時(shí)，還對(duì)全文起到了畫龍點(diǎn)睛的作用。

妙招3：主題提煉式結(jié)尾

Possible ending version 3: This special encounter in my life made me realize that as long as you open your heart,love is just around the corner.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：這個(gè)結(jié)尾的立意不僅僅局限在人與動(dòng)物之間的情感關(guān)系上，還升華到了對(duì)生活的熱愛及對(duì)朋友的新定義。在人生至暗時(shí)刻，是狗狗的愛、陌生人的善意拯救了“我”，讓“我”重新燃起了生活的斗志，主題在這一結(jié)尾句中得到升華。

妙招4：首尾呼應(yīng)式結(jié)尾

Possible ending version 4: From then on, our“Bama”returned,bonding us with new friends and helping us go through the darkest time of our life.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：此續(xù)寫結(jié)尾寫到our“Bama”returned，這很好地呼應(yīng)了文本開篇的“It was a few months since our beloved boxer Bama had passed away.”。文章開頭說巴馬去世了，結(jié)尾卻又“活”過來了，反轉(zhuǎn)的結(jié)局，能極大地吸引讀者的興趣。讀者通過閱讀全文，了解故事后能迅速產(chǎn)生共鳴。

妙招5：人物對(duì)話式結(jié)尾

Possible ending version 5: Looking at Alex playing Bama's toys, tears of gratitude pouring down my cheeks, I did nothing but bow to Alex and address him,“Thank you, my life guide.”

點(diǎn)評(píng)：此結(jié)尾的前半句通過人物的神態(tài)、動(dòng)作描寫展現(xiàn)人物的情感與品質(zhì)，在這種無聲的人物描寫的鋪墊下，最后僅有的一句話“Thank you,my life guide.”擲地有聲，不僅突出主題，還讓作者和狗狗亞歷克斯之間的感情緊緊縈繞在讀者心中。

小結(jié)：文章結(jié)尾的方式多種多樣，同學(xué)們寫作時(shí)要根據(jù)文章的具體情況選擇最合適的方式結(jié)尾，給評(píng)卷老師留下深刻印象。

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Walking with Misty

In 2004, when my daughter Becky was ten, she and my husband,Joe, were united in their desire for a dog.As for me,I shared none of their desire.

“But why?”they begged.“Because I don't have time to take care of a dog.”“But we'll do it.”“Really? You're going to walk the dog? Feed the dog? Bathe the dog?”“Yes, yes,and yes.”“I don't believe you.”“We will.We promise.”

They didn't.From day two,neither thought to walk the dog.While I was slow to accept that I would be the one to keep track of her shots (注射), to schedule her vet appointments and to feed and clean her,Misty knew this on day one.

Quickly, she and I developed something very similar to a Vulcan mind meld (心有靈犀).She'd look at me with those sad brown eyes of hers, beam her need, and then wait,trusting I would understand.In no time, she became the fifth appendage (附加物),snoring on my home-office couch as I worked,cradling against my feet as I read, and splaying across my stomach as I watched television.

Even so,part of me continued to dislike the walking duty.Joe and Becky had promised.“Not fair,”I'd loudly remind anyone within earshot upon our returning home.

Then one day—January 1, 2007, to be exact—my husband's doctor uttered an unthinkable word: leukemia (白血病).With that, I spent eight to ten hours a day with Joe in the hospital doing anything and everything I could to ease his discomfort.During those six months of hospitalizations, Becky, 12 at the time, adjusted to other adults being in the house when she returned from school.My work colleagues adjusted to my taking off at a moment's notice for medical emergencies.Every part of my life changed:no part of my old routine remained.

Misty still needed walking.At the beginning, when friends offered to take her through her paces,I declined because I knew they had their own households to deal with.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

As the months went by,I began to realize that I actually wanted to walk Misty.________

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Paragraph 2:

After Joe died in2009,Misty slept on his pillow.________________________________

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【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.你續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容是否注意了與原文的銜接程度，包括語篇主旨、文章內(nèi)容和語言風(fēng)格的銜接？

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2.續(xù)寫這篇文章的時(shí)候，可以采用哪些方式結(jié)尾？你采用了哪種方式結(jié)尾？你的結(jié)尾方式是否能吸引讀者？

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3.在平時(shí)寫作時(shí)，你還可以從哪些方面入手潤色結(jié)尾句子？

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