A good trip

Reading 1

It has been four years since I travelled to Shengsi Islands. My parents and I took a car there in the summer holiday.

Shengsi Islands are in the east of Zhejiang Province with big yellow beaches. On the first day， I went swimming in the sea. I could see huge white waves and then I accidentally tasted the sea water which was so salty. In the evening， we had some delicious seafood.

On the second day， I got up very early at about 4 oclock. We went to the East Cliff of Shengsi Islands to watch the sunrise. At first， it was so dark， and we could only see several stars shining in the sky. Then we climbed up the rocks and kept waiting. Suddenly a shining light appeared in the sky. I became excited and couldnt stop taking photos. The sun was shy and just showed her half head. Red and orange lights dyed the sea. How beautiful！ Several minutes later， the sun jumped out of the level. We could see a big round sun. Everywhere became bright. A new day started！

Besides these above， we also went sailing with local fishermen who were very warm-hearted. The trip gave me a great memory. If I can， Ill visit there again.

Reading 2

Think about a trip you have been on and write a list of adjectives to describe what you saw during your trip. Take some notes about your trip using the following table.

Example： historical， modern， famous， special， amazing， traditional， unforgettable， well-known

Writing

Write about your trip using your notes. Use the chart of Reading 2 as a model， you can make a chart before writing.

原文呈現(xiàn)

My trip to Yunnan

This summer holiday， I went to Yunnan for travelling. I had a wonderful trip in this beautiful province.

There are many mountains and lakes， so the scenery is very beautiful. We went to Dali Erhai to enjoy the scenery. I saw many fish swimming in it. I also visited the Three Pagodas scenic spot. It is famous for its three pagodas. Many visitors visit here every year. Its the Dali Buddhist representative place.

Lijiang is also a beautiful place. We went to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. It is 5，596 metres high. But I could only reach the height of 4，680 metres. The Ancient City of Lijiang is popular. The food there was very delicious， and I liked it very much.

The people there are strong and helpful. They like helping people. They like putting a sword in their home for good luck. The swords look very cool. I think boys will like them.

From the trip， I learned many things. I learned about the history of the Buddhism， and enjoyed a lot of wonderful scenery. The trip gave me a great memory. If I can， I will visit there again.

開頭空泛，建議簡要介紹云南，提領(lǐng)下文。

游記主干部分平鋪直敘，語言略顯生硬，缺乏過渡語，基本沒有銜接詞，邏輯性不強。建議按游玩時間或空間順序展開，使用豐富多彩的語言描寫景色。

結(jié)尾總結(jié)收獲，表達情感， 但語言不夠簡練。

升格展示

My trip to Yunnan

This summer holiday， I went to Yunnan with my mother. We had a wonderful trip there.

Located in southwest China， Yunnan is famous for its amazing scenery. Our trip started from the Stone Forest in Kunming， which is a forest of all kinds of stones. It was fun to walk through it and see different shapes of stones.

On the second day， we visited the Erhai Lake and the Three Pagodas in Dali. Erhai Lake looks like a persons ear， and the water there is very clean. When we took a boat on the lake， we could see fish swimming around us. The pagodas are not far from the lake. They are magnificent， so many visitors visit here every year.

After that， we went to the Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. It was the most exciting part. The mountain is covered with snow and looks like a jade dragon lying across the sky. The next day， we visited the Old Town of Lijiang. There are stone streets， wooden houses， bridges and a river through it. People there are friendly and helpful. Whats more， the local food was delicious， and I liked it very much.

Yunnan is a beautiful and amazing place. I have learnt a lot from this unforgettable trip. If I can， I will visit there again.

（江蘇省南京市第二十九中學初中部 王志軒；指導(dǎo)教師 肖雯）

綜合點評

作文主題明確，結(jié)構(gòu)完整，邏輯清晰。第一段開門見山，直奔主題“a wonderful trip to Yunnan”，第二、三、四段圍繞“wonderful”一詞生動具體地講述了云南之旅，最后一段總結(jié)旅行的收獲。升格后的作文以時空為主線，以“started from”“on the second day”“after that”“the next day”等自然流暢地將在昆明、大理和麗江的所見所聞串聯(lián)起來。內(nèi)容豐富，語言細膩。同時，小作者觀察細致，巧用比喻（“l(fā)ike a persons ear”“l(fā)ike a jade dragon lying across the sky”），生動、形象、逼真地描寫了云南的壯麗風光，與讀者一起融入自然，享受自然，描繪了一幅人與自然和諧共生的畫卷。