動作描寫
——影響事件發(fā)展的動作鏈

廣東 吳 翔

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

高考英語讀后續(xù)寫中的描寫主要包含外貌描寫、動作描寫、神態(tài)描寫、心理描寫等方面。高中英語新課標(biāo)提出，學(xué)生要“能描述事件發(fā)生、發(fā)展的過程”，因此動作描寫的重要性不言而喻。在續(xù)寫中，動作描寫不僅可以推動情節(jié)的發(fā)展，突顯人物的性格，還與文章的主題息息相關(guān)。因此，在續(xù)寫時(shí)，我們?nèi)绾卧谡莆展适碌幕疽睾颓楣?jié)后，有邏輯地定位前文的動作鏈且內(nèi)化動作描寫的有關(guān)語言呢？我們又如何分析續(xù)寫兩段的首句信息，依據(jù)主人公的動作和反應(yīng)提出問題并分析問題，在續(xù)寫時(shí)推動情節(jié)發(fā)展，最終解決矛盾呢？這些都是學(xué)生在面對高考英語讀后續(xù)寫時(shí)急需解決的問題。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.思考如何有邏輯地構(gòu)建前文動作鏈語料庫，思考是否有行之有效的思維導(dǎo)圖幫助我們構(gòu)建動作鏈語料庫，并思考如何在隨后的續(xù)寫中將其加以運(yùn)用。

2.思考前文中的動作鏈?zhǔn)侨绾瓮伙@人物的性格、推動情節(jié)的發(fā)展以及深化文章的主題的。此外，思考在續(xù)寫時(shí)如何體現(xiàn)這三點(diǎn)。

3.思考續(xù)寫文本中動作描寫的豐富性、準(zhǔn)確性以及與前文的連貫性。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

One fall, my wife Elli and I had a single goal: to photograph polar bears. We were staying at a research camp outside“the polar bear capital of the world”—the town of Churchill in Manitoba,Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like all wild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When I'm face to face with a polar bear, I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes, that is easier said than done.This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner,a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lake sniffed,and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp, which was surrounded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the wooden fence posts.

Terrified, Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear,hit pots hard, and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like these will scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fence with his massive paws(爪子).

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way, but it would be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter (相遇), I took some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldn't last through 30 more minutes of the bear's punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bears'eyes, but doesn't hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and, through the fence, sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar (吼叫), the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

A few minutes later,the bear headed back to our camp.__________________________

Paragraph 2:

At that very moment,the helicopter arrived.___________________________________

文本解讀

一、扇形圖——梳理故事背景

“遇熊脫險(xiǎn)”選自2020 年7 月浙江卷高考讀后續(xù)寫試題，該材料敘述了一對夫妻在營地露營時(shí)的一次脫險(xiǎn)經(jīng)歷。全文由三部分組成：遇險(xiǎn)前、遇險(xiǎn)中、遇險(xiǎn)后。前兩段為第一部分，主要介紹了作者對“走近營地，拍攝北極熊”的期待與準(zhǔn)備。第三段至第七段為第二部分，講述了作者與熊相遇、與熊對峙、給熊拍照并最終用胡椒粉噴霧將熊短暫驅(qū)趕的驚險(xiǎn)過程。需續(xù)寫的兩段為第三部分，在續(xù)寫第一段中，被惹怒的熊重返營地，這對夫妻將如何應(yīng)對？在續(xù)寫第二段中，千鈞一發(fā)之際，救援直升機(jī)到來，結(jié)局又將如何？以下扇形圖能有效地幫助學(xué)生精準(zhǔn)定位文本的五要素（4W1H），以迅速梳理故事背景。

____________________________________________________________Keys A couple One fall At a research camp outside“the polar bear_____________________________________________________________________________________________________capital_of_the_world”________________________________________________To_photograph_polar_bears__________________________________________________Terrified;fearful;angry Elements____________Who When Where What__________How___________Questions____________________________________________________Who are they?When did the story happen?Where did the story happen?What_were_they_to_do?____________________________________________How_did_they_feel?_________________________________________________

二、故事山——厘清故事情節(jié)

故事山是一種幫助學(xué)生了解故事結(jié)構(gòu)的工具。故事山能讓學(xué)生在閱讀文本后厘清故事的人物、情節(jié)和事件，對文本有更清晰的了解。以下故事山能有效地幫助學(xué)生厘清已給文本的主要情節(jié)，預(yù)測續(xù)寫文本的情節(jié)。

三、ARE思維導(dǎo)圖——定位動作鏈

ARE 原則，即Action—Response—Emotion 原則。在故事中，角色A 的言行舉止會引起角色B 的系列反應(yīng)，反之亦然，如此交替直至故事結(jié)尾。此外，不同角色的每次動作或反應(yīng)也伴隨著不同的情感變化。在梳理了故事背景和形成基本情節(jié)的推進(jìn)思路后，以下的ARE 思維導(dǎo)圖能幫助學(xué)生內(nèi)化語言，以動作鏈為主，以情感線為輔，從而內(nèi)化語言，為續(xù)寫做準(zhǔn)備。

ARE思維導(dǎo)圖

四、ARE問題鏈——鋪墊續(xù)寫

在運(yùn)用思維導(dǎo)圖內(nèi)化語言后，ARE 原則下形成的問題鏈能幫助我們迅速了解主人公與熊的沖突，發(fā)現(xiàn)問題，分析問題，解決問題，并開始續(xù)寫。在續(xù)寫第一段中，故事的沖突是熊的行動和主人公的反應(yīng)，學(xué)生在思考主人公如何應(yīng)對熊的可能行動時(shí)，應(yīng)充分體現(xiàn)出思維的邏輯性和創(chuàng)造性。在續(xù)寫第二段中，學(xué)生根據(jù)首句繼續(xù)運(yùn)用ARE 原則進(jìn)行提問，構(gòu)思結(jié)尾，深化主題。在續(xù)寫時(shí)，學(xué)生可以利用以上的ARE 思維導(dǎo)圖中的關(guān)于人和熊對峙時(shí)的動作鏈，凸顯人和熊對峙情境的危險(xiǎn)和緊急，推動故事的發(fā)展。

1.ARE原則下續(xù)寫第一段的問題鏈

Suggested questions:

Q1:Why did the bear come back?

Q2:How did the bear feel?

Q3:What would the bear do?

Q4:How would the couple respond separately?

Q5:What did“that very moment”mean?

2.ARE原則下續(xù)寫第二段的問題鏈

Suggested questions:

Q1:What might happen next?What would the couple and the bear do separately?

Q2:How did the couple feel when they saw the helicopter?

Q3:Years later,when the couple looked at the photo,how would they feel?

參考范文

Paragraph 1:

A few minutes later,the bear headed back to our camp.Then we realized that the spray had only angered him even more, for he seemed much fiercer this time and violently pushed the fence like mad. My heart raced wildly, not knowing what to do. At this critical moment, Elli grabbed several pieces of garlic bread and threw them over the fence. It worked! The bear stopped the attack and ran to the bread. But it wasn't long before he ate up all the bread and came back again.

Paragraph 2:

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.“Thank goodness! We are saved!”Elli cried out.Once the helicopter landed,we got onto it in no time,excited and relieved.When we were safe on the helicopter up in the air, I was amazed to spot that the bear had finally torn down the fence and ran towards the food we left behind. I quickly took out the camera and photographed the rare scene—we were robbed by a polar bear!

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

On a bright, warm July afternoon, Mac Hollan, a primary school teacher, was cycling from his home to Alaska with his friends. One of his friends had stopped to make a bicycle repair, but they had encouraged Mac to carry on, and they would catch up with him soon.As Mac pedaled (騎行) along alone, he thought fondly of his wife and two young daughters at home.He hoped to show them this beautiful place someday.

Then Mac heard quick and loud breathing behind him.“Man, that's a big dog!”he thought. But when he looked to the side, he saw instantly that it wasn't a dog at all, but a wolf,quickly catching up with him.

Mac's heart jumped. He found out his can of bear spray. With one hand on the bars,he fired the spray at the wolf.A bright red cloud enveloped the animal,and to Mac's relief,it fell back, shaking its head. But a minute later, it was by his side again. Then it attacked the back of Mac's bike, tearing open his tent bag. He fired at the wolf a second time, and again,it fell back only to quickly restart the chase(追趕).

Mac was pedaling hard now. He waved and yelled at passing cars but was careful not to slow down. He saw a steep uphill climb before him. He knew that once he hit the hill,he'd be easy to catch up and the wolf's teeth would be tearing into his flesh.

At this moment, Paul and Becky were driving their car on their way to Alaska. They didn't think much of it when they saw two cyclists repairing their bikes on the side of the road. A bit later, they spotted what they, too, assumed was a dog running alongside a man on a bike. As they got closer, they realized that the dog was a wolf. Mac heard a large vehicle behind him. He pulled in front of it as the wolf was catching up fast, just a dozen yards away now.

注意：續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

The car abruptly stopped in front of him.______________________________________

Paragraph 2:

A few minutes later,the other two cyclists arrived.______________________________

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1.在續(xù)寫前，我是否能運(yùn)用扇形圖定位文章的要素以獲取基本信息？我是否能運(yùn)用故事山厘清故事情節(jié)？

2.在續(xù)寫時(shí)，我是否可以理解并運(yùn)用ARE 思維導(dǎo)圖定位前文中的動作鏈并內(nèi)化動作描寫的語言？此外，我是否可以運(yùn)用ARE 原則分析續(xù)寫兩段的首句信息，提出問題，找到主人公之間的矛盾，并分析問題，最后在續(xù)寫時(shí)解決矛盾？

3.在續(xù)寫后，我是否能將自己的作品與范文進(jìn)行對比，在賞析范文中的動作描寫后不斷潤色自己的續(xù)寫，提高續(xù)寫中的動作描寫的豐富性、準(zhǔn)確性以及與前文的連貫性？