跟著名著學續寫之家人歷險

廣東 俞偉玲

人生是一場探索和歷險的過程。在各種各樣的險境中，我們必須克服恐懼，想盡辦法學會自救和尋求幫助才能擺脫困境，渡過難關。本次讀后續寫之家人歷險類專題將以《霧都孤兒》的主角奧利弗為例，講述他的歷險故事。

主題微語境

狄更斯的作品《霧都孤兒》是一部反映生活悲慘的現實小說。在倫敦狹小、骯臟的偏僻街道上，在恐怖與暴力中艱難生存的小說主人公奧利弗是一個孤兒，他在孤兒院長大，經歷學徒生涯、艱苦逃難、誤入賊窩、被迫與狠毒的兇徒為伍等。歷盡辛酸，奧利弗最終在養父和姨媽的幫助下，查明身世并獲得了幸福。

一、遇險境

△ 奧利弗被當作小偷被捕

1.Oliver, his eyes wide with horror and alarm, watched as the Dodger put his hand in the old gentleman's pocket, took out a handkerchief, and handed it to Charley Bates.Then the two of them ran round the corner as fast as they could.奧利弗驚恐地睜大眼睛，看著小偷將手伸進了老先生的兜里，抽出了一條手帕，遞給了查理·貝茨，然后兩人繞過拐角盡快地跑開了。

2.Oliver stood for a moment in terror, blood rushing through him until he felt he was on fire.Then, confused and frightened, he started to run.At the same time, the old gentleman, putting his hand in his pocket and realizing his handkerchief was missing, turned round.He saw Oliver running away, so he naturally thought Oliver was the thief.With loud cries of “Stop thief!”, he ran after Oliver with the book still in his hand.奧利弗害怕地站了一會兒，感到渾身的血液加快流動，直到他覺得自己像著了火。然后，他困惑又害怕，開始跑起來。就在這時，老先生把手伸進了褲兜里，發現手帕不見了，便轉過身來。他看見奧利弗在逃跑，所以，理所當然地，他認為奧利弗是小偷。他大聲地喊著“抓賊！”并追趕著奧利弗，手里仍然拿著那本書。

3.Oliver lay on the ground, covered with mud and dust and bleeding from the mouth,and looked wildly at all the faces surrounding him.At that moment, a policeman arrived and took Oliver by the collar.“Come on and get up,” he said roughly.

“Don't hurt him,” said the old gentleman.

“I won't,” said the policeman, tearing Oliver's jacket half off his back as he lifted him up.

奧利弗躺在地上，渾身上下沾滿了泥土和灰塵，嘴里往外流著血，驚慌失措地看著圍著他的一張張面孔。就在這時，警察趕來了，抓住奧利弗的領子。“來吧，起來。”他粗暴地說。

“別傷害他。”老先生說。

“我不會的。”警察說著，將奧利弗從地上拉起來，差點兒把他的上衣從身上扯下來一半。

4.Oliver was locked in a small stone cell, which was disgustingly dirty and smelly.奧利弗被鎖進了一個石砌的小牢房，牢房里臟極了，氣味令人作嘔。

下表是奧利弗被當作小偷被捕的一些詳細描寫分析。

表1 奧利弗被當作小偷被捕

△奧利弗被迫入屋行竊時被槍打傷

1.Oliver, stupid with terror, was lifted through the window into the house.Desperately, he decided to try to run upstairs and warn the family.He began to creep forward.

Oliver stood still, frozen with fear.A light appeared, then two men on the stairs, then a sudden bright flash, and a loud bang.Oliver staggered back.Sikes seized the boy's collar through the window and pulled him back out into the garden.

“They've hit him!” shouted Sikes.“He's bleeding.”

A bell rang loudly, above the noise of more gunshots and the shouts of men.Oliver felt himself being carried across rough ground, and then he saw and heard no more.

奧利弗被嚇傻了。他被舉起來，從窗戶進到房里。絕望之下，他決定試著跑上樓提醒這家人。他開始躡手躡腳地朝前走。

奧利弗站在那兒一動不動，嚇呆了。一盞燈亮了起來，兩個男人出現在樓梯上，接著是一道閃光和一聲巨響。奧利弗踉踉蹌蹌地退了幾步。賽克斯將手伸進窗戶，抓住男孩的衣領，將他拉回花園里。

“他們打中他了！”賽克斯喊道。“他在流血。”

一陣響亮的鈴聲蓋過了槍聲和人的吶喊聲。奧利弗覺得自己被人扛著跑過高低不平的地面，然后他什么也看不見，什么也聽不見了。

2.Morning came, but Oliver still lay in the field as if dead.It began to rain heavily,and after a while Oliver opened his eyes.His left arm was covered in blood and hurting badly.He felt so weak that he could hardly stand, but he knew that if he stayed where he was, he would die.Gasping with pain, he forced himself to his feet and with slow,shaky steps, began to walk.He had no idea where he was going, and moved forward mechanically, as though in a dream.

He decided he would rather die near human beings than in a cold field, so he turned his steps towards the house.As he came nearer, he realized that the house was familiar and he felt faint with terror.But where else could he go? With a last effort, he crawled up the path, knocked on the door and then fell exhausted on the step.

天亮了，但奧利弗仍像死了一樣躺在荒郊野地里。天下起了大雨，過了一會兒，奧利弗睜開了眼睛。他的左臂上全是血，而且痛得厲害。他虛弱得幾乎站不起來，但他明白，他如果就待在這里，會死的。由于疼痛，他倒吸著涼氣，強迫自己站了起來，邁著緩慢而顫抖的步子開始走。他不知道自己是在走向哪里，只是機械地向前移動著腳步，好像在夢境中一樣。

他下定決心，就是死也要死在有人的地方，決不能死在這冰冷荒涼的野地里，于是他轉過身朝房子走去。當他走近時，他竟發覺這房子很眼熟，他恐懼得一陣眩暈。可他還能去哪兒呢？他使盡了最后一點力氣，爬過小徑，敲了敲門，便筋疲力盡地癱倒在臺階上。

下表是奧利弗被迫入屋行竊時被槍打傷的一些詳細描寫分析。

表2 奧利弗被迫入屋行竊時被槍打傷

二、解險境

△書店老板作證救下奧利弗

Oliver tried to reply, but he was too weak to speak.He was deadly pale, and he felt the room spinning round him.At last he managed to whisper a request for water, but the magistrate refused angrily.Suddenly, Oliver fainted and fell to the floor.

At that moment, a man in an old black coat rushed in.“Stop!” he shouted.“Don't take the boy away.I saw it all.I'm the book shop owner.”

Mr Fang's face was black with anger at this unexpected interruption, but the book shop owner demanded to be heard.He described exactly what had really happened.He had seen two boys steal the handkerchief and then run away, leaving Oliver to be arrested.

In a final burst of bad temper, Mr Fang said that his time had been wasted.He announced that Oliver was innocent, and ordered everybody out of the court.

The order was obeyed, and as Mr Brownlow turned to go down the street, he saw Oliver lying on the pavement, shaking, his face as white as death.

“Poor boy! Poor boy!” said Mr Brownlow, bending over him.He called a coach quickly, laid Oliver on the seat, and drove away.

奧利弗想回答，可他虛弱得連話都說不出了。他的臉色極其蒼白，他覺得屋子在眼前旋轉著。終于，他勉強低聲地請求要喝水，但被推事憤怒地拒絕了。突然，奧利弗昏倒在地上。

就在那時，一個身穿黑色舊外套的男人跑了進來。“等等！”他大聲喊著，“別把這個男孩帶走。事情經過我都看見了。我是書店的老板。”

因為這意想不到的打擾，方先生的臉氣得發黑，但書店老板要求聽他的陳述。他確切地述說了所發生的真實情況。他看見兩個男孩偷了手帕，然后就逃走了，將奧利弗留下來當了替罪羊。

方先生最后一次大發脾氣，說他的時間被浪費了。他宣布奧利弗無罪，并命令所有人退出法庭。

命令得到了執行，布朗洛先生轉身沿著馬路往前走時，看見奧利弗躺在人行道上，全身顫抖著，臉慘白得像死人一樣。

“可憐的孩子！可憐的孩子！”布朗洛先生說著，俯下身去看他。他迅速叫來了一輛馬車，讓奧利弗躺在座位上，他們便乘著馬車離開了。

△獲得醫生的救助和好心人的收留

1.A little later, Oliver woke up and was very anxious to tell his story, although he had lost a lot of blood and was very weak.When the doctor and the ladies had heard all about his sad life, they were quite sure that they wanted to save Oliver from any unfair punishment.過了一會兒，奧利弗醒來了，盡管他失血過多，非常虛弱，但他還是迫不及待地述說了自己的經歷。醫生和女士們得知了奧利弗悲慘的身世后，便決定要幫助他，使他免受不公正的懲罰。

2.Oliver was allowed to recover in the kind care of Mrs Maylie, Rose and Dr Losberne.It was several weeks before he was well enough to get out of bed.But then he quickly grew stronger, and every day told his rescuers how grateful he was.奧利弗在梅利夫人、羅斯和羅斯伯恩醫生的精心護理下恢復了健康。用了好幾周的時間，他的病情才好轉到能離開床的地步。可從那以后他很快就健壯起來了，每天都跟他的救命恩人們說他是多么感恩戴德。

下表是解險境的一些詳細描寫分析。

表3 解險境

三、脫險境

△查明身世與親人相認

1.They left the house in Chertsey and moved to a quiet cottage in the country, taking Oliver with them.Spring came, and in the fresh air, away from the noise and smoke and trouble of the city, Oliver began a new life.He felt as if he had left behind forever the world of crime, hardship and poverty.他們帶著奧利弗離開了切特西的這幢房子，搬到了鄉下一所安靜的小屋。春天來了，這里空氣新鮮，遠離城市的喧囂、煙霧和紛擾，奧利弗開始了新生活。他覺得自己好像永遠把罪惡、艱辛和貧困的世界拋在背后了。

2.They ran into each other's arms, both of them crying in their happiness.A father, mother and sister had been lost and gained, and it was too much for one evening.They stood for a long time in silence, and the others left them alone.他們擁抱在一起，高興地流著淚。父親、母親和姐妹失去之后又重新得到，這一晚發生的事情太多了。他們長時間地站在那里沉默不語，其他人都不去打擾他們。

3.Mr Brownlow adopted Oliver as his son.They moved to a house in the same quiet village, and were just as happy.布朗洛先生收養了奧利弗。他們搬進了同一個安靜的村莊里的一所房子，同樣過著幸福的生活。

4.In that quiet country village, the years passed peacefully.Mr Brownlow filled the mind of his adopted son with knowledge, and as he watched the boy grow up, he was reminded more and more of his old friend, Oliver's father.The two orphans, Rose and Oliver,led lives that were truly happy.The hardships that they had once suffered had left no bitterness in their gentle souls, and all their lives they showed the mercy and kindness to others.在那個安靜的村落里，歲月平靜地流逝。布朗洛先生教給他的養子許多知識，當他看著這個男孩逐漸長大，他愈發想起他的老朋友——奧利弗的父親。兩個孤兒，羅斯和奧利弗，過著真正幸福的生活。他們曾遭受過的艱難困苦并沒有給他們善良的心靈留下創傷，在他們的一生中，他們對其他人表現出了同情與善良。

下表是脫險境，查明身世與親人相認的一些詳細描寫分析。

表4 脫險境，查明身世與親人相認

句式微練習

一、主句+獨立主格結構（邏輯主語+現在分詞），使句式表達多樣化，續寫的句子更簡潔、生動又吸引眼球。

Oliver stood for a moment in terror, blood rushing through him until he felt he was on fire.奧利弗害怕地站了一會兒，渾身的血液加快流動，他覺得自己像著了火。

即學即練

1.It rained cats and dogs, ___________________________(閃電劃過夜空).

2.（2022 年全國Ⅰ卷）To our surprise, David ran across the finish line desperately,___________________________(臉上洋溢著滿足的微笑).

二、主句+狀語+as...as比喻，增強表達的感染力，使描述更生動、形象。

He saw Oliver lying on the pavement, shaking, his face as white as death.他看見奧利弗躺在人行道上，全身顫抖著，臉慘白得像死人一樣。

即學即練

1.At the sight of the snake, she jumped onto a tree, ______________________(緊緊抱住，臉色蒼白如紙).

2.I raised my own light to shine on the tree, finding a pair of shining eyes staring at me, ______________________(我心跳如鼓).

三、as if/though虛擬句式，使描寫的場景更生動。

He felt as if he had left behind forever the world of crime, hardship and poverty.他覺得自己好像永遠把罪惡、艱辛和貧困的世界拋在背后了。

即學即練

1.He held her firmly as if ______________________(一個快淹死的人抓住了一根救命稻草).

2.（2022 年全國Ⅰ卷）The audience applauded him as if ____________________(他是一個為榮譽而戰的無畏的勇士).

四、構造動作鏈（主語+動作A， 動作B and 動作C），細化動作，把動作過程分解成一連串細微的動作，形成動作鏈，寫出動作的連貫性，使情節更緊湊。

With a last effort, he crawled up the path, knocked on the door and then fell exhausted on the step.他使盡了最后一點力氣，爬過小徑，敲了敲門，便筋疲力盡地癱倒在臺階上。

即學即練

1.Jenny quarreled with her mother, slammed the door with rage______________________(在路邊忍不住抽泣).

2.(2017 年浙江卷)Some drivers stopped to offered help,______________________(撿起石頭，扔向狼), yelling, “get away!”

情境微仿寫

（改編自2020 年浙江卷讀后續寫——夫妻拍攝北極熊時遇險）A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp.Roars and screams pierced the silence 1.________(像針一樣刺耳).The noises turned Elli and I pale with horror.I feared that the giant would destroy our whole fence.He roared repeatedly, 2.________（聲音在我們周圍回蕩）, shattering what was left of the silence.Elli seized this opportunity to take some pictures of the bear.We huddled together, shivering with fear.After thoroughly scrutinizing the area, he trotted forward a few steps.

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.My heart leaped with joy 3.________(好像在絕望中出現了一線希望).Elli used pepper spray again to buy us enough time.But the bear became more alert.He turned away, 4.________(如同我們是它的食物一般地盯著我們).As we were climbing the rope ladder, Elli prayed like thousand times to show thankfulness of being safe and sound.

語篇微演練

閱讀下列材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。注意續寫詞數應為150左右。

主題1 與父親度假騎馬迷路的經歷

It was summer, and my dad wanted to treat me to a vacation like never before.He decided to take me on a trip to the Wild West.

We took a plane to Albuquerque, a big city in the state of New Mexico.We reached Albuquerque in the late afternoon.Uncle Paul, my dad's friend, picked us up from the airport and drove us up to his farm in Pecos.

His wife Tina cooked us a delicious dinner and we got to know his sons Ryan and Kyle.My dad and I spent the night in the guestroom of the farm house listening to frogs and water rolling down the river nearby.Very early in the morning, Uncle Paul woke us up to have breakfast.“The day starts at dawn on my farm,” he said.After breakfast, I went to help Aunt Tina feed the chickens, while my dad went with Uncle Paul to drive the sheep out to graze (吃草).I was impressed to see my dad and Uncle Paul riding horses.They looked really cool.

In the afternoon, I asked Uncle Paul if I could take a horse ride, and he said yes, as long as my dad went with me.I wasn't going to take a horse ride by myself anyway.So, my dad and I put on our new cowboy hats, got on our horses, and headed slowly towards the mountains.“Don't be late for supper,” Uncle Paul cried.“and keep to the track so that you don't get lost!” “OK!” my dad cried back.After a while, Uncle Paul and his farm house were out of sight.It was so peaceful and quiet and the colors of the brown rocks, the deep green pine trees and the late afternoon sun mixed to create a magic scene.It looked like a beautiful woven (編織的） blanket spread out upon the ground just for us.

Paragraph 1:

Suddenly a little rabbit jumped out in front of my horse._________________________

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We had no idea where we were and it was getting dark.__________________________

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主題2 為保護小朋友與美洲獅搏斗

The five children in Larrane Leech's daycare group were outdoors early, painting landscapes under the dizzy sun.By 10 am, it was time to find shade, so Larrane decided they would walk down to the river.

“We're going to pick berries now,” she announced.A nature lover, Larrane insisted they spend as much time as possible outdoors.

Larrane handed each child an empty jar and called for Pal, her one-year-old German shepherd (德國牧羊犬).The group made its way over the dusty road and then onto a dirt path through the trees.They stopped at the first berry bush and got busy picking berries,cheering and talking excitedly.

A young cougar (美洲獅) cocked an ear toward the birdlike chatter and sniffed the air.Stepping over the thick carpet of pine needles, the cougar moved quietly toward the children.

Larrane sensed the children suddenly go quiet.She looked up to see the back end of a cougar, the size of Pal, standing over one child, Mikey.The sight of the cougar near her kids immediately froze Larrane.Larrane couldn't tell whether Mikey had been bitten.Her mind racing wildly, she darted toward the cougar.Desperately intending to grab its tail, she shifted her aim at the last minute and seized the cougar by the neck.She shook it from side to side.Instantly, the cougar wheeled toward Larrane.Growling and hissing, it stretched up high and brought its paws down upon the head of the woman.Although still in its youth, it had all the teeth and muscle a cougar needs to pull down a victim three times its size.This animal was capable of killing her.

Paragraph 1:

Now aware of the danger,the other four children screamed and ran behind Larrane.___

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Larrane rushed to Mikey,who lay quietly on the ground._________________________

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