The Luncheon午餐

【導讀】毛姆尤以短篇小說聞名，短篇作品被譽為其文學桂冠上最耀眼的明珠。毛姆一生共創作了120余篇短篇小說，出版了《東方行》（Orientations，1899）、《葉的震顫》（The Trembling of a Leaf，1921）、《木麻黃樹》（The Casuarina Tree，1926）、《英國特工阿申登》（Ashenden： Or the British Agent，1928）》、《第一人稱單數》（First Person Singular，1931）、《阿金》（Ah King，1933）、《世界主義者》（Cosmopolitans，1936）、《照原方配制》（The Mixture as Before，1940）、《環境的產物》（Creatures of Circumstances，1947）9部短篇小說集。

他的短篇小說主要分為三類：一是以英國海外殖民地為背景，二是以歐洲的社會生活為題材，三是以間諜阿申登為中心人物。《午餐》屬于第二類，是毛姆短篇小說中的名篇，反映青年作家在面對異性時的稚嫩和矛盾，以及女讀者的貪婪與虛偽，故事生動有趣，令人忍俊不禁。

I caught sight of her at the play and， in answer to her beckoning， I went over during the interval and sat down beside her. It was long since I had last seen her and if someone had not mentioned her name I hardly think I would have recognised her. She addressed me brightly.

我在劇院看戲的時候看到了她，她向我招手。幕間休息時，我走過去在她旁邊坐下。我們已經很久沒見面了，若非有人提起她的名字，我幾乎都認不出她來。她興致勃勃地跟我聊起來。

“Well， it’s many years since we first met. How time does fly！ We’re none of us getting any younger. Do you remember the first time I saw you？ You asked me to luncheon.”

“我們認識不少年啦。時間過得真快！轉眼，我們都已不再年輕。你還記得我第一回見你的情形嗎？你邀請我共進午餐。”

Did I remember？

我能不記得嗎？

It was twenty years ago and I was living in Paris. I had a tiny apartment in the Latin quarter overlooking a cemetery and I was earning barely enough money to keep the body and soul together2. She had read a book of mine and had written to me about it. I answered， thanking her， and presently I received from her another letter saying that she was passing through Paris and would like to have a chat with me; but her time was limited and the only free moment she had was on the following Thursday; she was spending the morning at the Luxembourg and would I give her a little luncheon at Foyot’s afterwards？ Foyot’s is a restaurant at which the French senators eat and it was so far beyond my means that I had never even thought of going there. But I was flattered and I was too young to have learned to say no to a woman. （Few men， I may add， learn this until they are too old to make it of any consequence to a woman what they say.） I had eighty francs （gold francs） to last me the rest of the month， and a modest luncheon should not cost more than fifteen. If I cut out coffee for the next two weeks I could manage well enough.

那是二十年前，當時，我還在巴黎，住在拉丁區一間前臨公墓的小公寓里。我的收入僅能勉強維持生活。她曾讀過我的一本書，并就此事給我寫過信。我回信謝謝她，隨即又收到她的一封信，說她要路過巴黎，樂意與我一談；不過時間有限，僅有的空當在下周四。她那天上午在盧森堡公園，不知我可否愿意隨后請她在福約餐廳午餐。福約餐廳是法國參議員用餐的地方，遠超我的經濟能力，我連想都不敢想去那里就餐。可是我被奉承得暈了頭，更何況當時太年輕，還沒有學會拒絕一位女士。（附帶說一句，極少有男人做得到，而等他們學會之時，卻年事已高，說什么對女人已經無關緊要了。）我還有八十法郎（金法郎）撐到月底，有節制的一餐所費不會超過十五法郎。接下來的兩周省掉咖啡的話，滿可以對付過去。

I answered that I would meet my friend—by correspondence—at Foyot’s on Thursday at half-past twelve. She was not so young as I expected and in appearance imposing rather than attractive. She was， in fact， a woman of forty （a charming age， but not one that excites a sudden and devastating passion at first sight）， and she gave me the impression of having more teeth， white and large and even， than were necessary for any practical purpose. She was talkative but since she seemed inclined to talk about me I was prepared to be an attentive listener.

于是我回復說樂意與朋友——筆友——于周四中午十二點半在福約餐廳小聚。她沒有我預想的年輕，與其說外表迷人，不如說氣勢逼人。事實上，她已經四十歲了（一個有魅力的年齡，但也不會令人一見就激情迸發），我當時印象最深的是她的牙齒似乎比實際需要多一些，很白，很大，很齊整。她十分健談，鑒于她傾向于談論跟我有關的事情，我就預備著做個好聽眾。

I was startled when the bill of fare was brought for the prices were a great deal higher than I had anticipated. But she reassured me.

餐單送上來時我心里咯噔一下，價格比我預計的高出許多。但她的話讓我放了心。

“I never eat anything for luncheon，” she said.

“我午餐幾乎不吃什么。”她說。

“Oh， don’t say that！” I answered generously.

“噢，可別這么說！”我慷慨地說。

“I never eat more than one thing. I think people eat far too much nowadays. A little fish， perhaps. I wonder if they have any salmon.”

“我吃的從來不超過一樣。我覺得現在人們都吃得過量。也許，來點兒魚吧。不知道他們有沒有鮭魚。”

Well， it was early in the year for salmon and it was not on the bill of fare， but I asked the waiter if there was any. Yes， a beautiful salmon had just come in， it was the first they had had. I ordered it for my guest. The waiter asked her if she would have something while it was being cooked.

那會兒時節尚早，鮭魚也不在餐單上，不過我還是問了侍者。有，一條漂亮的鮭魚剛剛送到，今年頭一份。我為客人點了鮭魚。侍者又問她等待烹魚的時候是否來點兒什么別的。

“No，” she answered， “I never eat more than one thing. Unless you have a little caviare. I never mind caviare.”

“不用，”她答道，“我吃的從來不超過一樣。除非你們有魚子醬。魚子醬我是從不介意來一些的。”

My heart sank a little. I knew I could not afford caviare but I could not very well tell her that. I told the waiter by all means to bring caviare. For myself I chose the cheapest dish on the menu and that was a mutton chop.

我的心微微一沉。我知道魚子醬我付不起，可總不能明確告訴她。我對侍者說務必要上魚子醬。我給自己點了菜單上最便宜的一道菜——羊排。

“I think you are unwise to eat meat，” she said. “I don’t know how you can expect to work after eating heavy things like chops. I don’t believe in overloading my stomach.”

“我覺得吃肉可不明智，”她說，“真不知道吃了肉排這種油膩東西你還怎么寫作。我可不能讓腸胃負擔過重。”

Then came the question of drink.

接下來是喝什么的問題。

“I never drink anything for luncheon，” she said.

“午餐我是什么都不喝的。”她說。

“Neither do I，” I answered promptly.

“我也是。”我馬上接腔。

“Except white wine，” she proceeded as though I had not spoken. “These French white wines are so light. They’re wonderful for the digestion.”

“白葡萄酒除外。”她繼續說，就好像我剛才什么都沒說似的。“法國白葡萄酒十分清淡，十分有助于消化。”

“What would you like？” I asked， hospitable still， but not exactly effusive.

“你想喝點兒什么？”我問她，依然客氣，但是難稱殷勤。

She gave me a bright and amicable flash of her white teeth.

她粲然一笑，露出潔白的牙齒。

“My doctor won’t let me drink anything but Champagne.”

“除了香檳，醫生什么都不讓我喝。”

I fancy I turned a trifle pale. I ordered half a bottle. I mentioned casually that my doctor had absolutely forbidden me to drink Champagne.

估計我的臉色都白了。我點了半瓶香檳。我順便提到我的醫生絕對禁止我喝香檳。

“What are you going to drink， then？”

“那你喝什么？”

“Water.”

“水。”

She ate the caviare and she ate the salmon. She talked gaily of art and literature and music. But I wondered what the bill would come to. When my mutton chop arrived she took me quite seriously to task.

她吃了魚子醬，又吃了鮭魚，大談藝術、文學、音樂，興致高漲。可是我一直在想賬單會是多少錢。我的羊排上來時，她非常嚴肅地教導了我。

“I see that you’re in the habit of eating a heavy luncheon. I’m sure it’s a mistake. Why don’t you follow my example and just eat one thing？ I’m sure you’d feel ever so much better for it.”

“我發現你習慣午餐吃得油膩。這樣肯定是錯誤的。你何不學我只吃一樣呢？你肯定會感覺好很多。”

“I am only going to eat one thing，” I said， as the waiter came again with the bill of fare.

“我也是只吃一樣東西啊。”我說。這時侍者又來了，帶著賬單。

She waved him aside with an airy gesture.

她擺擺手，讓他待在一旁。

“No， no， I never eat anything for luncheon. Just a bite， I never want more than that， and I eat that more as an excuse for conversation than anything else. I couldn’t possibly eat anything more—unless they had some of those giant asparagus. I should be sorry to leave Paris without having some of them.”

“不，不，我午餐從不吃什么的。就一口，絕不貪多，吃也是為了助談而已。我幾乎什么都吃不下了——除非他們有那種大蘆筍。要是來巴黎不吃點大蘆筍就走，可就太遺憾了。”

My heart sank. I had seen them in the shops and I knew that they were horribly expensive. My mouth had often watered at the sight of them.

我的心沉了下去。我在商店里見到過那種蘆筍，我知道那東西價格高得嚇人。每次看到蘆筍，我都垂涎欲滴。

“Madame wants to know if you have any of those giant asparagus，” I asked the waiter.

“這位女士想問問你們是否有大蘆筍。”我叫侍者。

I tried with all my might to will him to say no. A happy smile spread over his broad， priest-like face and he assured me that they had some so large， so splendid， so tender， that it was a marvel.

我盡我所能，運用意志力影響侍者，想讓他說沒有。他那張教士般虔誠的寬臉龐上綻放出愉快的笑容，他向我保證他們有蘆筍，又大又好又嫩，可稱奇珍。

“I’m not in the least hungry，” my guest sighed， “but if you insist I don’t mind having some asparagus.”

“我一點兒都不餓，”我的客人嘆息著說，“不過若是你堅持，我也不妨來一點兒蘆筍。”

I ordered them.

我點了蘆筍。

“Aren’t you going to have any？”

“你一點兒都不要嗎？”

“No， I never eat asparagus.”

“不，我從不吃蘆筍。”

“I know there are people who don’t like them. The fact is， you ruin your palate by all the meat you eat.”

“我知道有人不喜歡蘆筍。可你的情況是吃肉太多，毀了胃口。”

We waited for the asparagus to be cooked. Panic seized me： it was not a question now how much money I should have left over for the rest of the month but whether I had enough to pay the bill. It would be mortifying to find myself ten francs short and be obliged to borrow from my guest. I could not bring myself to do that. I knew exactly how much I had and if the bill came to me I made up my mind that I would put my hand in my pocket and with a dramatic cry start up and say it had been picked. Of course， it would be awkward if she had not money enough either to pay the bill; then the only thing would be to leave my watch and say I would come back and pay later.

我們等著烹蘆筍。恐懼攫住了我。現在不是我能結余多少錢維持到月底的問題，而是我是否有足夠的錢付賬。要是發現還差上十法郎，不得不向客人借錢的話，那就太丟人了。我做不出來。我很清楚自己有多少錢，若是賬單超支，就下定決心這么辦：把手往口袋里一伸，夸張地尖叫，馬上跳起來，說遭了賊。當然，要是她也沒有足夠的錢付賬可就太窘了。那樣一來，唯一的辦法就是抵押我的表，回頭再付。

The asparagus appeared. They were enormous， succulent， and appetizing. The smell of the melted butter tickled my nostrils as the nostrils of Johovah were tickled by the burned offerings of the virtuous Semites. I watched the abandoned woman thrust them down her throat in large voluptuous mouthfuls， and， in my polite way， I discoursed on the condition of the drama in the Balkans. At last she finished.

蘆筍端上來了。果然個頭巨大，腴美多汁，令人垂涎。融化的黃油香氣搔著我的鼻孔，正如善良的閃族人敬獻的燔祭搔著耶和華的鼻孔。我一邊看著這個放縱享受的女人把蘆筍大口大口地塞進喉嚨，一邊客客氣氣地評論著巴爾干半島的戲劇狀況。終于，她吃完了。

“Coffee？” I said.

“要咖啡嗎？”我問。

“Yes， just an ice-cream and coffee，” she answered.

“要，冰淇淋和咖啡就行。”她說。

I was past caring now， so I ordered coffee for myself and ice-cream and coffee for her.

到這份上我已經不在乎了，于是，我給自己點了咖啡，給她點了冰淇淋和咖啡。

“You know， there’s one thing I thoroughly believe in，” she said， as she ate the ice-cream. “One should always get up from a meal feeling one could eat a little more.”

“你知道嗎？有一件事我是完全推崇的，”吃冰淇淋的時候她說，“那就是，一個人餐后起身時，應該覺得還有再吃一點兒的余地。”

“Are you still hungry？” I asked faintly.

“你還餓么？”我已經委頓。

“Oh， no， I’m not hungry; you see， I don’t eat luncheon. I have a cup of coffee in the morning and then dinner， but I never eat more than one thing for luncheon. I was speaking for you.”

“噢，不餓；你看，我不吃午餐的。早上我喝一杯咖啡，然后就等晚餐，午餐我可是從來不吃超過一樣的。我剛才那么說是為了你。”

“Oh， I see！”

“噢，明白啦！”

Then a terrible thing happened. While we were waiting for the coffee， the headwaiter， with an ingratiating smile on his false face， came up to us bearing a large basket full of huge peaches. They had the blush of an innocent girl; they had the rich tone of an Italian landscape. But surely peaches were not in season then？ Lord knew what they cost. I knew too—a little later， for my guest， going on with her conversation， absentmindedly took one.

隨后發生了一件可怕的事情。我們坐等咖啡的時候，那個領班，虛情假意的臉上掛著奉迎的微笑，挎著一籃子巨桃向我們走來。桃子粉紅得像純潔少女臉上的紅暈，色調豐富得像意大利的風景畫。可桃子不是還沒上市嗎？天主才知道它們有多貴。很快我也知道了——因為我的客人一邊滔滔不絕，一邊漫不經心地隨手拿了一個。

“You see， you’ve filled your stomach with a lot of meat” —my one miserable little chop— “and you can’t eat any more. But I’ve just had a snack and I shall enjoy a peach.”

“你看，你把胃塞得滿滿的都是肉”——我那可憐的小羊排——“所以你就什么都吃不下了。我只吃了點小吃，還可以再嘗個桃子。”

The bill came and when I paid it I found that I had only enough for a quite inadequate tip. Her eyes rested for an instant on the three francs I left for the waiter and I knew that she thought me mean. But when I walked out of the restaurant I had the whole month before me and not a penny in my pocket.

賬單送來了，付過之后，我發現僅剩的那點錢連付小費都頗不體面。她的目光在我留給侍者的三法郎上停留了一瞬，我知道她覺得我小氣。走出餐廳的時候，我面臨的是整整一個月的開銷，而口袋里一分不剩。

“Follow my example，” she said as we shook hands， “and never eat more than one thing for luncheon.”

“學學我，”握手道別的時候她說，“午餐不要吃超過一樣東西。”

“I’ll do better than that，” I retorted. “I’ll eat nothing for dinner tonight.”

“我會做得更棒。”我回敬她，“今晚我什么也不吃了。”

“Humorist”， she cried gaily， jumping into a cab. “You’re quite a humorist！”

“幽默！”她歡快地嚷嚷著，跳上一駕馬車，“你真幽默！”

But I have had my revenge at last. I do not believe that I am a vindictive man， but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the result with complacency. Today she weighs twenty-one stone3.

不過，我最終大仇得報。我自認不是睚眥必報的人，可是當不朽的大神插手時，我暗自欣喜地打量報應的結果也是情有可原。如今，她體重已然三百磅。

1毛姆.毛姆短篇小說選Ⅰ.辛紅娟、閻勇譯.北京：人民文學出版社，2016.

2 keep body and soul together〈俚〉勉強維持生活。

3 stone英石（重量單位，等于6.35千克或14磅）。