父母的愛與子女的愛Parents’ Love and Their Children’s Response

讀到那篇引起廣泛討論的文章《我們?nèi)绱松類畚覀兊膬号麄儛畚覀儐幔俊罚唤氡磉_(dá)一些不同的觀點(diǎn)。

After reading the widely discussed article titled “We Love Our Children So Much， Do They Love Us in the Same Way？”， I feel compelled to offer a different perspective.

該問題的提出，實(shí)際建立在這樣一個(gè)命題基礎(chǔ)上：父母之所以愛子女，是因?yàn)樗麄兤诖优畷?huì)以理所當(dāng)然的愛回報(bào)父母1。這顯然是一種傳統(tǒng)觀念。

The premise of the article is based on the assumption that parents love their children because they naturally expect their children to love them in the same way. This belief， however， is rooted in tradition.

應(yīng)當(dāng)知道，父母對(duì)子女的愛與子女對(duì)父母的愛，是兩個(gè)不同的概念。

It is important to recognize that the love parents have for their children and the love children have for their parents are distinct concepts.

在現(xiàn)代文明社會(huì)中，父母對(duì)子女的愛不僅是出于本能，更應(yīng)該是不求回報(bào)2的，因這是對(duì)社會(huì)細(xì)胞——家庭所應(yīng)承擔(dān)的責(zé)任。

In today’s modern civilized society， parental love should be both instinctive and unconditional， as it is a responsibility that comes with family—the fundamental unit of society.

父母看著子女從幼小到長大，他們的天真、活潑、可愛，直至成才與成熟3，這整個(gè)過程本身就是對(duì)父母最大的慰藉。子女長大成人，擁有自己的生活、家庭和事業(yè)，這已是父母愛的最好成果，還有什么更多的奢望呢？

Parents find solace in watching their children grow from infancy to adulthood， witnessing their innocence， loveliness， and cuteness， and eventually seeing them mature. This journey itself is a profound source of comfort and joy for parents. When children grow up， build their own lives， and succeed in both family and career， that is the ultimate reward for parents’ love. What more could parents ask for？

隨著社會(huì)福利和醫(yī)療體系的完善，在西方發(fā)達(dá)國家，父母 “養(yǎng)兒” 已不再為了“防老”——既不需要他們經(jīng)濟(jì)上的支持，也不需要生理上的照顧，甚至不需要感情上的時(shí)時(shí)陪伴。如，在澳大利亞醫(yī)院里，子女無法陪護(hù)父母，因護(hù)理工作是由專業(yè)人員承擔(dān)。隨著中國經(jīng)濟(jì)和制度的不斷進(jìn)步，我們也可能逐步朝這個(gè)方向發(fā)展。

Surely， this does not mean that parents love their children any less. As the saying goes， “A parent’s home is always a home for their children， but a child’s home is not always a home for their parents”. In modern families， even after children have established their own lives and careers， it’s reasonable for parents， when possible， to provide support in various forms.

當(dāng)然，這并不意味著父母對(duì)子女的愛會(huì)因此減少。俗話說：“父母的家永遠(yuǎn)是子女的家，而子女的家卻不是父母的家”。在現(xiàn)代家庭中，即使子女已成家立業(yè)，父母在條件允許的情況下，給予一些各種形式的資助，也合情合理。

However， there are differences in terms of degree， scope and social demeanor. The parents mentioned in the article， dropped by “uninvited” in Nanjing University to see their daughter， who studied Chinese Language and Literature at the School of Liberal Arts. With an old-fashioned mindset， they had hoped to surprise her with this unexpected visit. However， their daughter complained that， by showing up unannounced， her parents had interfered with her planned outing with friends—this reflects a more modern outlook. For parents， it is important to understand that love for their adult children includes respecting their independence and individuality.

這里有程度、范圍、待人接物方式等的不同。該文中提到的那對(duì)父母，去南京大學(xué)中文系，以“不速之客”出現(xiàn)在女兒面前，想給她一個(gè)“意外的驚喜”，這是舊觀念4；而女兒抱怨父母未經(jīng)她同意，就冒然來此，干擾了她與同學(xué)的相約出游計(jì)劃，這是現(xiàn)代人的觀念5。父母應(yīng)當(dāng)知道，對(duì)于成年子女的關(guān)愛，重要的內(nèi)涵就包括對(duì)于他們獨(dú)立人格的尊重。

This article’s attribution of children’s lack of love for their parents to the “one-child era” is not appropriate. In fact， families with multiple children face similar issues.

該文將子女對(duì)父母的不愛歸因于“獨(dú)生子時(shí)代”，這并不妥當(dāng)。事實(shí)上，多子女家庭同樣會(huì)面臨類似問題。

The bond between parents and children， although shaped by the way they are raised， has little to do with the parents’ social status or educational background. I have seen nearly illiterate mothers raise deeply filial children， just as I have seen high-ranking officials or intellectuals embroiled in domestic disputes， which sometimes even end up in court. Family values make all the difference.

父母與子女之間的親疏關(guān)系6，與父母的教育方式有很大關(guān)聯(lián)，但與父母的社會(huì)地位或文化水平并無必然關(guān)系。我見過幾乎文盲的母親教育出非常孝順的子女，也見過所謂的高官、高知家庭，卻家風(fēng)不振7，甚至因家庭糾紛鬧上法庭。

In short， parental love is instinctive and selfless， while children’s love for their parents is naturally responsive， but not necessarily guaranteed and should not be expected as an obligation.

另一方面，作為現(xiàn)代社會(huì)的父母，應(yīng)有自己的生活、事業(yè)與興趣，不應(yīng)再“以兒女為中心活著”；父母的生活目標(biāo)與希望不應(yīng)全都寄托在子女身上。

As parents are also someone’s children， if they reflect on their own love for their elders， this will become quite understandable.

總之，父母對(duì)子女的愛是本能和無私的，而子女對(duì)父母的愛是這種愛的自然回饋，但未必是必然的，也不應(yīng)被視作理所當(dāng)然的期待。

對(duì)此，同樣作為子女的父母，設(shè)身處地想一想自己對(duì)于長輩的愛，其實(shí)不難理解。

在自然界中，像老虎、獅子這樣的頂級(jí)捕食者，遵循著一種自然的父母與子女的離別方式。當(dāng)子女逐漸學(xué)會(huì)了獨(dú)立捕食、照顧自己后，父母會(huì)在某天的某一時(shí)刻——通常是在子女享受美食或盡情歡愉之時(shí)，從旁靜靜觀察一陣，然后悄然離去，以后可能再也不會(huì)見面；它們只知完成天然使命，而不求任何回報(bào)。正是以這種方式，大自然進(jìn)行著物種的延續(xù)和生態(tài)的平衡。

In nature， top predators like tigers and lions follow a natural way of parting between parents and offspring. Once the young have learned to hunt and fend for themselves， the parents will， at some point—usually when the offspring are enjoying their feast or having fun—quietly observe from a distance and then silently leave， probably never to be seen again. The only thing they know is that they should complete their natural mission without expecting anything in return. It is through this process that" ensures the continuation of species and the balance of ecosystems in Nature.

在動(dòng)物界尚且如此，何況屬于萬物靈長8的人類呢？

If this is true even in the animal kingdom， how much more so for humans， allegedly the most intelligent of all beings？

因此，如果父母的愛，不再以期待子女回報(bào)的愛為基礎(chǔ)9，也就不會(huì)再有所謂的遺憾、失望和痛苦了。

Therefore， if parental love is no longer tied to expectations of reciprocity， there will be no room for regret， disappointment， or sorrow.

* 博士，杭州師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院翻譯研究所特聘教授，本刊編委。

1“回報(bào)”一般譯成repay、return、reward 等；“回報(bào)父母”可譯成repay one’s parents、give back to one’s parents等。但此處，根據(jù)具體語境變通為naturally love them in the same way。正如標(biāo)題中的“子女的愛”沒有譯成children’s love、offspring’s love，而是考慮其具體含義譯為children’s response。" 2“不求回報(bào)”沒有按其字面意思譯成expecting nothing in return、without expecting anything in return 等，而是根據(jù)具體句式變通為unconditional。

3“成才”一般譯成become a useful person、reach one’s prime等；其實(shí)，此處與“成熟”結(jié)合，是一種泛指，故不妨概述為“… and eventual seeing them mature”。

4“舊觀念”似可譯成old idea、traditional concept等，而此處譯為an old-fashioned mindset是一種更深層的表述。" 5“現(xiàn)代人的觀念”似乎應(yīng)該對(duì)應(yīng)前文譯成modern idea / concept， 此處用了modern outlook；outlook的本義為“the attitude to life and the world of a particular person， group or culture”。

6“親疏關(guān)系”一般譯成closeness、intimacy等，而此處用了bond以表其深層的血緣紐帶。" 7“家風(fēng)不振”似可譯成the family’s values/traditions are in decline、the family ethos is weakening、the family is in turmoil，此處作了變通處理。

8“萬物靈長”一般譯成 the pinnacle of all living creatures/species，此處變通為the most intelligent of all beings。" 9“……為基礎(chǔ)”一般譯成 based on、as the foundation 等，而此處用了“tied to …”，以表更為內(nèi)在的連帶關(guān)系。類似的，如“提高工資和通貨膨脹緊密相關(guān)”（Pay increases are tied to inflation）、 “人們認(rèn)為人類與自然息息相關(guān)”（Humans are believed to be tied to nature）、“表觀遺傳過程是一種化學(xué)反應(yīng)，與天生和后天培養(yǎng)都沒有關(guān)系，但它代表了研究人員所說的‘第三種成分’”（Epigenetic processes are chemical reactions tied to neither nature nor nurture but representing what researchers have called a “third component”）。