賈平凹 甄春亮
我常常遺憾我家門前的那塊丑石呢:它黑黝黝地臥在那里,牛似的模樣,誰也不知道是什么時候留在這里的,誰也不去理會它。只是麥收時節,門前攤了麥子,奶奶總是要說:這塊丑石,多礙地面喲,多時把它搬走吧。
于是,伯父家蓋房,想以它壘山墻,但苦于它極不規則,沒棱角兒,也沒平面兒;用鏨破開吧,又懶的花那么大氣力,因為河灘并不甚遠,隨便去掮一塊回來,哪一塊也比它強。房蓋起來,壓鋪臺階,伯父也沒有看上它。有一年,來了一個石匠,為我家洗一臺石磨,奶奶又說:用這塊丑石吧,省得從遠處搬運。石匠看了看,搖著頭,嫌它石質太細,也不采用。
它不像漢白玉那樣的細膩,可以鑿下刻字雕花,也不像大青石那樣的光滑,可以供來浣紗捶布;它靜靜地臥在那里,院邊的槐蔭沒有庇覆它,花兒也不再在它身邊生長。荒草便繁衍出來,枝蔓上下,慢慢地,竟銹上了綠苔、黑斑。我們這些做孩子的,也討厭起它來,曾合伙要搬走它,但力氣又不足;雖時時咒罵它,嫌棄它,也無可奈何,只好任它留在那里去了。
稍稍能安慰我們的,是在那石上有一個不大不小的坑凹兒,雨天就盛滿了水。常常雨過三天了,地上已經干燥,那石凹里水兒還有,雞兒便去那里喝飲。每每到了十五的夜晚,我們盼那滿月出來,就爬到其上,翹望天邊;奶奶總是要罵的,害怕我們摔下來。果然那一次就摔了下來,磕破了我的膝蓋呢。
人都罵它是丑石,它真是丑得不能再丑的丑石了。
終有一日,村子里來了一個天文學家。他在我家門前路過,突然發現了這塊石頭,眼光立即就拉直了。他再沒有走去,就住了下來;以后又來了好些人,說這是一塊隕石,從天上落下來已經有二三百年了,是一件了不起的東西。不久便來了車,小心翼翼地將它運走了。
這使我們都很驚奇!這又怪又丑的石頭,原來是天上的呢!它補過天,在天上發過熱,閃過光,我們的先祖或許仰望過它,它給了他們光明,向往,憧憬;而它落下來了,在污土里,荒草里,一躺就是幾百年了?!
奶奶說,“真看不出!它那么不一般,卻怎么連墻也砌不成,臺階也壘不成呢?”
“它是太丑了。”天文學家說。
“真的,是太丑了。”
“可這正是它的美!”天文學家說,“它是以丑為美的。”
“以丑為美?”
“是的,丑到極處,便是美到極處。正因為它不是一般的頑石,當然不能去做墻,做臺階,不能去雕刻,捶布。它不是做這些小玩意兒的,所以常常就遭到一般世俗的譏諷。”
奶奶臉紅了,我也臉紅了。
我感到自己的可恥,也感到了丑石的偉大;我甚至怨恨它這么多年竟會默默地忍受著這一切?而我又立即深深地感到它那種不屈于誤解、寂寞的生存的偉大。
The Ugly Stone
I often pitied the ugly stone lying in front of our house. It was black and looked like an ox. Nobody in the village could tell when it was left there. Everyone ignored it. Each year when the harvested wheat was spread and dried over the groung outside our house, Grandmother would say:“We should have the ugly stone moved away. It takes too much space.”
Consequently my uncle planned to use the ugly stone for the gable of his new house, but it proved unusable. It was ir-regular in shape, uneven and short of corners, and my uncle would not take the trouble to break it with a chisel because it was much easier to fetch a stone more suitable than this one from the nearby riverbank. And he even disdained to use it for the step of his nearly built house. One year a mason came to the village. We asked him to make a mill. Grandmother sug-gested to him, “You may use the ugly stone so that you don't have to fetch another one from afar.”The mason took a look at it and shook his head. He thought it too fine to be fit for a millstone.
Chinese characters or flowers could not be carved on the ugly stone for it was not so fine as a piece of white marble. Clothes could not be washed on it for it was not so smooth as a bluish cobble. It stayed there quietly. The pagode tree near the wall did not give shade to it. Flowers did not grow around it. Weeds grew rank, crept over it and gradually it was cov-ered with green moss and dark spots. We children began dis-liking it. We tried in vain to move it away because we did not have enough strength. Although we got tired of and often cursed at the ugly stone, we could do nothing but leave it where it was.
However the medium-sized hollow in the ugly stone pleased us a bit. The hollow was filled with water when it rained. But three days after the rain when the ground be-came dry, there was still water in the hollow, where chick-ens went to drink. On the evening of the fifteenth day of each lunar month, we would climb onto the stone and stand there, looking up at the sky in the hope of seeing the full moon. Fearing that we might fall from it, Grandmother would scold us. She had reasons to feel anxious for I hurt my knees when I fell off the stone that time.
Everyone in the village called it the ugly stone. It was indeed the ugliest of all stones in the world.
One day an astronomer came. As he walked in front of our house and spotted the ugly stone, he riveted his eyes on it at once. He simply stayed in our house. Later, many peo-ple came and they said the ugly stone was a precious areo-lite that fell from the sky two or three hundred years ago. Afterwards, a lorry entered the village and carefully carried it to some other place.
This amazed us! It turned out that the weird, ugly stone had come from the sky. It had been used for mending the sky, where it had twinkled sending out warmth. Our an-cestors might have looked up at it. It had given them light, hope and longing. But the fallen stone had simply lain in mud and weeds for hundreds of years!?
“I can't imagine why such an uncommon stone could not be used for the gable or the step?”Grandmother asked.
“It is too ugly”, answered the astronomer.
“Sure, it is too ugly.”
“But its beauty does come from its ugliness,” said the astronomer,“it takes ugliness for beauty.”
“It takes ugliness for beauty?”
“Yes. The ugliest turns out to be the most beautiful. Neither could it be used for the gable or the step, nor could Chinese characters be carved or clothes be washed on it, of coures, just because it was an uncommon stone. Therefore it was often sneered at by people with common views on ac-count of its unsuitability for trifling things.”
Grandmother blushed. And so did I.
I feel ashamed of myself... Even though I resent its peaceful endurance of all the misfortunes for so many years, I felt deeply moved at once by its not yielding to misunder-standings and its lonely existence. I perceive that the ugly stone is great.