一百個問題變成一千個問題

100 Questions Become 1000 Questions

編者按：“雙語視窗”欄目從2006年開辦至今，已經走過了兩年的路程，這些由在華外國友人撰寫的小文章，以他們在華所見所聞為切入點，生動具體地反映出東西方觀念、習俗的異同，也向我們提出了一個個既有趣又值得深思的問題。欄目一再連載得益于讀者反饋中的正面回應。

“不識廬山真面目，只緣身在此山中”，換一個角度，從外國友人目光的折射中審視一下，更有助于全面地了解我們自身。同時，本欄目采用英漢對照形式，這些原汁原味的英文不僅有助于加深對作者原意的理解，也是一本學習現代英語的鮮活教材。

我來中國好幾年了，新來的外國人常常向我請教如何理解中國朋友、同事和鄰居的想法。如果說幾年來我學到了什么，那就是我有幸獲得的每一個答案，又都引出了更多的問題。當我第一次來中國時，我有約100個有關在中國如何為人處世的問題。隨著時間的推移，這100個問題中的大部分都有了答案。但是由于每個答案又孵化出了新的問題，如今我發現自己有1000個問題需要解答。看來我對中國和中國人了解得越多，就越覺得需要學習的實在太多了。

我所獲得的有關中國人如何想、如何做的某些經驗，在與朋友和同事打交道時確實有用，在大街上或商店里與人不經意接觸時也很有用。一次又一次，我觀察到，在某些常見的場合下中國人與西方人的舉止很是不同。

比如，如果西方人發現自己處于尷尬的境地，通常會解釋一番，以此使自己擺脫尷尬，而一般的中國人此時則會笑起來。這對于一個西方人來說，是需要逐步適應的。當你向某人提出一個問題，而那個人卻在你面前“嗤嗤”地笑，這就很容易產生不愉快的誤解。但是當理解了笑只是處于尷尬狀態的一種表示，并不表明此人不理解該問題的嚴肅性，這就幫助我很從容地面對中國人的反應，并進而解決了問題。

下面是舉止形成反差的另一個例子。當兩個美國人爭吵起來，嚷嚷與威脅會很快轉為拳腳。或許由于美國人知道這一點，他們很少對誰喊叫或說威脅性的話，除非他們打算來一場真正的格斗。多數美國人都不想通過嚷嚷來解決爭端，因為嚷嚷通常是矛盾升級的信號，并不能使問題得到解決。而在中國，有的人為區區小事就跟我大嗓門嚷嚷，并擺出一副威脅人的架式。在這種場合下，我必須牢牢記住，這大概不是拳擊賽的邀請，而只是出氣的一種方式。實際上，在中國，爭吵很少演變為暴力，雖然我聽到過很多叫喊與臟話。在當事人并非憤怒得真想動拳腳解決問題時，嚷嚷的意義又何在呢？這點對美國人來說真是難以理解。對于美國人來說，為雞毛蒜皮的事較勁勞神，那就未免小題大作了。

另一個顯著的文化上的區別則與本不想冒犯別人，但在做法上卻又令人不愉快地將人冒犯了這一現象有關。當我還在美國的時候，我對于中國朋友不能說“不”很感驚訝，這會使人非常難堪。比如，我可能邀請朋友星期六晚上來家中吃飯，為了不冒犯我，這位朋友就接受了邀請，可是之后呢，星期六的晚上到來了，而這位朋友卻不見蹤影，我就會真生氣了。顯然，這位朋友只是不會說“不”，即便是在他已有約在先不便更改的情況下。漸漸地，我習慣了這種不愿表達“不”的現象，并估計在中國會再次遇到。然而我卻驚奇地發現，在漢語詞匯表里，“不”是個極為常用的詞。說“不”是不犯錯誤的很保險的辦法。“不，你不能那么干。”“不，那不可能。”“不行，我們沒有那章程。”“不行，我們以前從來沒做過。”——當你面臨困難的決斷時，這可是個最容易的回答。

雖說我不斷地注意到自己與中國朋友之間存在的差異，但我從未由此而心煩過。反之，正是這些差異，成為了我在中國生活的調味品。它們使我的每一天以及每一次與新朋友的相識都成為令人興奮的奇遇。

原文：

Having been in China for several years now， I am often approached by newcomers for advice on how to understand the thinking of our Chinese friends， colleagues and neighbors. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned， it’s that every answer I hit on only leads to more questions. When I first came to China， I had a hundred or so serious questions about the way things were done here. Over time， most of those 100 questions have been answered. But with each answer spawning new questions， I now find myself with a thousand questions in need of answers. It seems that the more I learn about China and the Chinese， the more I realize how much there still is to learn.

Some of the lessons I have learned about how Chinese people think and act have been of real value in dealing with friends and colleagues， as well as in handling casual contacts on the street or in shops. Over and over I observe that in certain common situations Chinese and Westerners behave quite differently.

For instance， if Westerners find themselves in an embarrassing situation， they usually offer an explanation as a way to extricate themselves from their embarrassment. But the average Chinese persons will begin to laugh. For a Westerner， this takes some getting used to. When you confront someone with an issue and that person starts to giggle in your face， it can readily lead to unpleasant misinterpretations of his attitude. But understanding that the laughter is itself a sign of embarrassment， not an indication that the other person fails to understand the seriousness of the problem， helps me to take the Chinese reaction in stride and move on to a solution.

Here’s another example of a contrast in behavior:When there is a quarrel between two Americans， shouts and threats can quickly turn into physical violence. Perhaps because Americans are aware of this， they seldom start shouting and threatening people unless they’re ready for a real fight. Most Americans just don’t try to settle arguments by shouting， which usually signals an escalation of the conflict， not an impending solution. Here in China， I’ve had people raise their voices to me and assume very menacing postures over the tiniest of issues. At these times I have to bear in mind that this is probably not an invitation to a boxing match:it’s just a way of letting off steam.In fact， arguments rarely turn violent in China， although I’ve heard plenty of yelling and abusive language. It’s hard for Americans to understand what all the shouting is about when the people involved are not actually angry enough to fight over the issue. For Americans， if the matter is a small one， it’s too much of an effort to get all worked up over it.

Another cultural difference that stands out has to do with trying not to offend people - but failing miserably in the process. When I was still living in the States， I was amazed by the inability of my Chinese friends to say “no”. This could often be awkward. For example， I might ask a friend of mine to eat dinner at my place on a Saturday evening. Not wishing to give offense， the friend would accept the invitation. But then， when Saturady night came and went without a sign of the friend for dinner， I would indeed be offended. Apparently the friend just couldn’t

bring himself to say no even if he had other plans he couldn’t break. In time I became accustomed to this reluctance to say no and expected to encounter it again in China.I was amazed to discover that “No” is a very common word in the Chinese vocabulary， and much used in government offices. Saying no is a sure way not to make a mistake:“No， you can’t do that.” “No，that’s not possible.” “No，we don’t have that.” “No...because we’ve never done it that way before.” Somehow no doesn’t seem to be a dirty word anymore-it’s the easiest answer to give when facing a difficult decision.

Although I constantly note differences between myself and my Chinese friends， I’m never discouraged. On the contrary， it is these differences that are the spice of life for me in China. They make each day and each new acquaintance an adventure.

（本欄目文章選自《北京青年報》“雙語視窗”，得到欄目編輯張愛學的授權。英文部分的稿費由本編輯部支付，請作者本人看到此啟事后與編輯部聯系，或發郵件至zhoujin_gongwu@sina.com）

責編：周瑾