這句話我聽不慣

編者按：

“雙語視窗”欄目從2006年開辦，至今已經走過了2年的歷程，這些由在華外國友人撰寫的小文章，以他們在華所見所聞為切入點，生動具體地反映出東西方觀念、習俗的異同，也向我們提出了一個個既有趣又值得深思的問題。欄目一再連載得益于讀者反饋中的正面回應。

“不識廬山真面目，只緣身在此山中”，換一個角度，從外國友人目光的折射中審視一下自己，更有助于我們全面地了解自身。同時，本欄目采用英漢對照形式，這些原汁原味的英文不僅有助于加深對作者原意的理解，也是一本學習現代英語的鮮活教材。

有件事我想說出來：在我來中國后不久，便與我所結交的第一個中國朋友絕交了。為什么呢？因為每次我給他打電話，他拿起聽筒就說：“有什么事兒嗎？”這句話讓我不高興：這話讓我覺得自己不受歡迎，像個不速之客。問這句話讓我覺得他似乎不想與我交談——換句話說，似乎我們該有事快說，談話盡可能要短，那才謝天謝地。我盡量少給他打電話，但每次他還是用同樣的問話“有什么事兒嗎？”來回應我。終于，我認定他不再對我感興趣，便結束了這段“友誼”。

后來，我注意到，在汽車里，大街上，商場里，中國人的手機一響，他們說的也是這句話。漸漸地我明白了，問這句話是中國人的一個習慣。但我還是覺得這話粗率。你可能會說，現如今人們承受著很大的時間壓力，哪有工夫在電話上閑扯呢？在接電話的一開始就問“有什么事兒嗎”是辦事干脆利索的正常方式。事情也許是這樣，但我想不會誰都認定這句話中帶有絲毫友好的味道。在貝寧，當接到朋友的電話時，習慣上總是去問一些諸如“最近怎么樣啊”、“過得還好嗎”這類表明你對對方感興趣的問候短語。如果我們打電話找的人正忙不開身，他會說：“對不起，現在太忙，我一有空就給你打過去。”

當然，如果你在深夜接到不認識的人打來的電話，問“有什么事兒嗎”是完全可以理解的：這時有緊急事情的可能性是很大的，但是，如果在平時接到親戚、朋友、熟人的電話，在我看來，就沒有必要問這個問題，也許打電話的人就是想問候一下。

一天晚上，我們幾個外國留學生，包括一個加拿大學生和一個意大利學生，在校園里和中國同學聊天。當我們提到“有什么事兒嗎”這句話帶給我們的感受時，一個中國同學想了想，插話道：“要知道，你說的是對的。我的女朋友拿起電話一聽到我的聲音也會問同樣的問題，這真讓人煩。”聽了這話我們都會心地笑了。

去年夏天，我給一個上中學的中國學生當英文家教，漸漸地我們成為了朋友。在這個男孩子回到寄宿學校幾周后，我給他媽媽打電話，想問問他的學習情況，我想知道他現在對英語課是否比原來有信心了。他媽媽聽出了我的聲音，叫出了我的名字，接著就問了這個怎么也躲不過的問題：“有什么事兒嗎？”這一次我不奇怪了，我已經聽慣了。我問孩子在學校的情況，他媽媽說他的確有了很大進步。但是那天晚上，當初介紹我去他家做家教的女士給我來了電話，問我找學生的父母有什么事，還說我若是不好意思直說她可以代我對他們說。這真讓我驚詫！好像你給誰打電話就一定有求于誰！

請告訴我，如果你只是在需要幫助的時候才給人打電話，那人家還有什么理由把你當朋友呢？

就我而言，我認為，只有在有明確的理由需要問“有什么事兒嗎？”的時候問這句話才會好些，我們貝寧人認為這句話用在談話的開頭，其寓意很清楚，就是“我不想與你保持友誼了”或者“別再給我打電話了”。我提請中國朋友在用這句話回外國朋友打來的電話時要小心——這句話很容易破壞你們之間的友誼。

中國有一首歌我很喜歡，歌中唱道：“有事沒事常來個電話，我就是想知道你在哪兒。”這句歌詞表達了我在這篇文章中想要說的一切，歌詞中蘊含著友誼的真諦。

原文：

I have a confession to make: Not too long after I arrived China， I cut off all contact with the first Chinese friend I had made here. Why? Because every time I phoned him， he would ask “You shenme shir ma?” as soon as he picked up the receiver. These words always put me off; they made me feel unwelcome， like an intruder. Asking the question made it seem as if he really didn’t want to talk to me- as if， in other words， we should get down to business immediately so we could keep the call mercifully short. I tried calling him less often， but he still cameat me with the same question: “You shenme shir ma?” Finally， concluding that he really wasn’t interested in me， I ended the “friendship”.

Subsequently I noticed Chinese people using the same question in the bus， on the street， at the market， whenever they got a call on their cell phone. It gradually became clear to me that this phrase is a Chinese convention， but I still regard it as disturbingly curt. Nowadays， you may argue， people are under so much time pressure that they can’t afford to waste precious minutes chatting on the phone. Asking “You shenme shir ma?” at the beginning of aconversation over the phone is a normal way to keep things short. Maybe so， but I don’t think anyone can honestly maintain that there’s a trace of friend liness in the query. In Benin， when we get a call from a friend， we customarily start off by asking “How are you doing?” or “How’s it going?” or some such short indication of personal interest in the other person. And if the person we’re calling is occupied with something， he says， “Sorry， but I’m too busy to talk right now. I’ll call you back soon.”

Of course， it’s different if you receive a call from an unknown person very late at night. Then asking the equivalent of “You shenme shir ma?” is perfectly understandable; the likelihood of urgency is relatively high. But if you get a phone call from a relative， a friend or an acquaintance at a more normal hour， there is， to my mind anyway， no need to ask the question， as the caller may simply wish to to say hello.

One evening some of us foreign students， including a Canadian and an Italian， were shooting the breeze with some Chinese schoolmates on campus. When we mentioned our feelings about “You shnme shir ma?”， one Chinese guy thought for a minute and then chimed in: “You’re right， you know. My girlfriend asks me the same question as soon as she hears my voice on the line. It’s really annoying!” We all had a good laugh.

Last summer I served as English tutor to a Chinese secondary-school student， and we gradually became friends. A couple of weeks after the boy returned to his boarding school， I called his mother to ask how his studies were going. I wanted to find out if he was more confident in English class now. Recognizing my voice on the phone， the mother spoke my name and then asked the fatal question: “You shenme shir ma?” This time I was not surprised; I’d almost gotten into the habit of hearing it.I asked how the boy was doing in school， and his mother replied that he had indeed made a good deal of progress. But that evening I got a call from the lady who had originally recommended me to the familyas a tutor. She asked me what I wanted from my student’sparents， suggesting that she could tell them if I felt too shy to state my request directly. I was flabber gasted! It seems that if you call someone in this country you must be looking for help!

Now tell me， if you just call somebody when you needhelp， does that person have any grounds for considering you his friend?

For my part， I think it would be better to ask “You shenme shir ma?” only when there is a clear reason to do so. We Beninese feel that this question， if asked to open aconversation， comes with a clear subtext: “I don’t want your friendship” or “Don’t call me again.” I would advise you to take care in using this question torespond to a call from a foreign friend- the words can too easily undermine the friendship.

There is a Chinese song I like， the words of which translate as: “Call me whenever you feel like it， even if there’s nothing special. I just want to know where you are.” The lyrics express everything I’m trying to say in this article. They contain the authentic tone of friendship.

（本欄目文章選自《北京青年報》“雙語視窗”，得到欄目編輯張愛學的授權。英文部分的稿費由本編輯部支付，請作者本人看到此啟事后與編輯部聯系，或發郵件至zhoujin_gongwu@sina.com）

責編：周瑾