Ｈｏｗ ｔｏ Ｃｒｅａｔｅ ａ Ｓｃｅｎｅ

設定故事場景的過程猶如烤面包：需要對原材料、工具加以巧妙利用，才能烤出色香味俱全的面包。

The battle raged1) in the rain. Orderly lines of soldiers in chain armor2) followed their commander， who， mounted on his majestic3) horse， rose gloriously above the dust and mud of the battlefield. They pressed forward against the enemy army.

Suddenly， a solitary4) arrow flew out of the enemy ranks. The commander laughed and reared5) his horse just as the arrow struck him， piercing his chain armor. The commander's face froze and he fell backwards， off his horse. There were shouts from his now disorderly army. They divided and shot arrows randomly， falling and stumbling through the mud in their haste6) to get away.

What Is a Scene?

I just described a scene. To put it in very general terms， a scene is a part of a story， play， or movie. But a scene isn't just that—a scene should have a distinct7) setting and time period. When the time-period or location changes， the scene changes. A scene should also include something that happens and turns the story in a new direction. Maybe—in this case—an important commander dies， shaking the confidence of the army. That scene would add an exciting twist and some uncertainty to the story.

Change Is Important

In the example about the commander， something changes—the commander's position and the army's confidence. Change is important to a scene because it makes a story a lot more exciting—you don't know what the change will bring. None of those rags-to-riches8) stories would be so popular if characters' situations didn't change. Nothing would happen in the stories at all. For example， if there weren't any changes in Harry Potter， the beginning of the Harry Potter book might go like this: \"Once upon a time there lived a boy named Harry Potter， who had lived with his mean Aunt and Uncle Dursley for most of his life. He went to regular school...\" Thankfully， the real Harry Potter books have changes. Change creates contrast， as well as suspense. In my story \"The Spoiled Prince\"， Prince Garrick starts off as a whiny9)， mean brat10). In contrast， toward the end of the story， he is kinder and less selfish. So we know that good scenes should include change—but how do we know what kind of changes to make?

Think of changes you've read about in books or watched in movies. Some of the most common changes are hate (or dislike) changing to love， fear to trust， belief to disbelief， joy to sorrow， anger to amusement， and trust to distrust. Can you think of any other ones? Probably you can. What are some changes that have happened to you or people you know? Plus， you can always reverse some of these—trust to fear， amusement to anger， instead of the other way around. Try to think of some changes your character will go through in a scene， and it will help you make a better scene， trust me!

The More， The Better? Not Really.

On the other hand， how do you know if you've written too many scenes， or just enough? Maybe you don't need to make any more. Don't feel pressured to write a lot of scenes. Good writing should not include many scenes that do not tell you something new about the character or tell you something new about the storyline. No one wants to read a one-hundred-page scene filled with descriptions of the protagonist11)'s friend's wallpaper. In scenes， we want to have a purpose—we want to advance our story. We want to have scenes that will lead to something else， instead floundering12) in long， boring scenes that don't go anywhere. If we filled our story with unnecessary scenes that didn't fit with the storyline， we would never end the story.

Showing Not Telling

Of course， we also want to develop our character throughout the scenes and show some of their traits13). So how would we show a character's traits? A very handy technique called \"showing not telling.\" In my scene， I didn't tell you that the army lost confidence after their commander died. I showed that they were disorderly， and that they were running away. Instead of telling your reader \"Sarah Jane is messy，\" you could show that she is messy by saying， \"Sarah Jane threw her shirt onto the dirty floor in utter disregard of14) the stench15) of old gym socks that rose around her. Sarah was always throwing random items of clothing on the floor...\" and maybe writing a short description of her messy room.

A Perfect Golden-brown

To put it shortly， scenes aren't too hard. Sure， there are a few necessary ingredients16)， like changes in a scene; and some necessary materials， like your mental measuring cup， to tell you when you've got too many unnecessary scenes. There are handy little techniques and tools， like \"showing not telling\"， to help you make your scene better. So， where's the reward? Well， when you've put everything together， your scenes will come out of the oven baked a perfect golden-brown.17)

一起寫故事

親愛的讀者朋友們，讀完本文，你是否對于如何設置小說中的場景有了一定的了解呢？腦海中是否浮現(xiàn)出一幕幕或溫馨、或凄涼、或驚險的故事場景呢？趕快將腦海中的場景捕捉下來，拿起筆，用英文描繪出來，和其他讀者朋友一起分享吧！

隔期Adora會對大家設定的場景進行點評并擇優(yōu)刊登。有意參與的讀者，請于7月20號之前將作品發(fā)至 teens@staff.neworiental.org或北京市海淀區(qū)海淀中街6號新東方大廈750室，《新東方英語·中學生》編輯部收，郵編：100080。

敬請繼續(xù)關注本欄目。

Adora點評

整體點評

The author starts the story by jumping into the action， which is one of the methods I recommended in my previous article. This method is a good way to catch the reader's attention.

This story is strong because the writer evokes18) emotion and has imagined what it would feel like to be someone else—a huge part of being a successful scientist. The author also chooses powerful and specific words. For example， I like the use of the words \"determination and wisdom\" to describe the woman's eyes.

(高婷同學使用了上期Adora介紹的寫故事開頭的方法之一：Jumping into the action。語言簡潔有力，極富感情和想象力，能吸引讀者的注意力，引發(fā)閱讀興趣，不失為一個好的故事開頭。)

The writer could continue the story by describing how the girl uses the knowledge and encouragement from her dream to face the obstacles that lie in her path—the writer would need to describe specific obstacles the girl faces， and then describe how she overcomes these obstacles. To maintain consistency， the girl would probably gain courage to face these obstacles by thinking of Madame Curie.

One recommendation: tell the reader a little bit about what the characters are doing as they speak. For example: \"My dear daughter， you are always my excellent daughter. I believe you and so should you，\" the woman said， sitting down on the edge of the bed and smoothing the girl's hair with a comforting touch. These details will make it easier for the reader to imagine the scene.

(Adora給出了故事如何繼續(xù)發(fā)展的一種設想，供高婷同學參考借鑒。另外，Adora還建議同學們在寫故事的時候，多進行細節(jié)性描寫，例如描寫故事中人物的語言和行動等，從而讓讀者能夠?qū)适聢鼍爱a(chǎn)生聯(lián)想。)

錯誤解析

For the most part， the grammar and punctuation is very good， as is the sentence structure. I only have a few suggestions in that regard:

●定冠詞the的使用

The second sentence should be changed to: \"The lady's eyes are full of love， determination and wisdom.\"

When a singular noun appears at the beginning of a sentence (unless it is a proper noun such as a name)， it should generally be preceded by the definite article \"the.\"

Examples:

Incorrect: Vampire bat19) flew into the room.

Correct: The vampire bat flew into the room.

●名詞單復數(shù)的使用

In the second paragraph， the word \"feeling\" should be changed to its plural form \"feelings\" because she is talking about multiple emotions and multiple incidents. If she were talking about one incident or feeling， she could use the singular form \"feeling.\"

Examples:

Correct: I always have the feeling that I'm being watched. (Specific feeling)

Correct: I get my feelings hurt all the time.

●句子的完整性

The sentence \"Though I try my best to become excellent\" is a fragment. I know it doesn't seem like a fragment because it has a subject and a verb， but when you begin a sentence with \"though\" or \"although\"， the first part of the sentence becomes an introductory phrase， which you must contrast with the second part of the sentence. So this sentence can be revised as \"Though I try my best to become excellent， that goal always turns out to be far away.\"

Examples:

Incorrect: Although I am considered pretty.

Correct: Although I am considered pretty， I often feel hideous20).

●同義詞/詞組辨析

\"My dear daughter， you are always my excellent daughter. I believe you and so should you.\"

In this sentence， I think maybe she is trying to say \"I believe in you.\" \"I believe in you\" means that you have faith in someone's abilities. \"I believe you\" means that you believe that someone is telling the truth.

修改建議

All in all， this is a strong beginning and I hope to see more from this writer. Here is a self-editing checklist.

* No fragments (句子要完整)

* Capitals at the beginning of every sentence (每句的首字母要大寫)

* Tenses match (時態(tài)要正確)

* Contains descriptive details (添加描繪性細節(jié))

* Plural and singular form used correctly (正確使用名詞的單復數(shù))

* \"A\" only introduces words that begin with a consonant sound， \"an\" only introduces words that begin with a vowel sound (注意不定冠詞a、an的正確使用)

Olympic Facts and Trivia (II)

奧運趣聞(下)

1. 單屆連破兩項世界紀錄的游泳健將

In 1924 starring in the Olympic pool was young Johnny Weissmuller—forever to be remembered as Tarzan (泰山) for his later film roles—who won both the 100-metre and 400-metre races， setting world records in both. In the 400-metre， Weissmuller shaved a full 20 seconds off the Olympic record.

2. 費時最長的銀牌

In wrestling at the Stockholm Games in 1912， the light heavyweight final between a Swede， Anders Ahlgren， and a Finn， Ivar Bohling， lasted nine hours. Since neither had gained an advantage over the other， no gold medal was awarded. Each received a silver medal.

3. 現(xiàn)代奧運會的第一位金牌得主

James B. Connolly (United States)， winner of the hop， step， and jump (the first final event in the 1896 Olympics)， was the first Olympic champion of the modern Olympic Games.

4. 嚇人的衣服清洗量

Athletes will produce as much as 2 million pounds of dirty laundry. It would take a family of four 264 years to go through that much laundry!

Olympic Facts and Trivia (I)

奧運趣聞(上)

☆馬拉松為何長為42.2 km？

Did you ever wonder why the official distance of a marathon was exactly 26 miles 385 yards(42.2 km)? In 1908， the marathon standard had been set at exactly 26 miles. However， at the Olympic marathon in London， it was decided that the royal family needed a better view of the finish line so organizers added an extra 385 yards to the race so the finish line would be in front of the royal box at London's White City Stadium. And it's been that way ever since.

☆破了紀錄，卻拿不了金牌

In 1924， American Robert LeGendre shattered the world long jump record with a leap of 25 feet， 4 inches. However， the jump was part of the pentathlon (五項全能) competition and LeGendre could muster only a third-place finish overall. The actual long jump competition was won with a jump of 24 feet， 5 inches.

☆單屆奧運會獲得金牌最多的人

The record for the most gold medals awarded in one Olympic Games went to American swimmer Mark Spitz in 1972. He won 7 gold medals! In 2004， the US swimming sensation (轟動一時的人) Michael Phelps aimed to top that at the Athens Olympics by going for 8 gold medals. However， he missed it with only 6 gold medals.