翻譯擂臺

上月回顧

財富，它是指導人們社會行為的指揮棒。一個好的指揮棒是這樣的：它能讓個人在獲得財富的同時，必須為社會創造財富，讓社會中的其他人能分享到他提供的產品或服務，而且這個產品和服務的價格是充分競爭的、合理的。這樣，整個社會的財富才會不斷地增加，社會才會進步。這樣一種制度設計，乃是全社會之福。 摘自《中國式財富地圖》

優秀譯文

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北京市 林峰（ID：billlin）

Fortune is the guideline that directs people's social behaviors. A good guideline should not only direct people to obtain their fortune， but also provide their products or services to be shared by others in the society. Meanwhile， the price of the products and services must be reasonable and come out through full competition and， consequently， the fortunes of the whole society will be increased continuously， the society gets its development. Such a system that constructed， a fortune that for the whole society. Extracted from Chinese Fortune Map

很好，沒有照字面意思翻譯（指the conductor's baton這一比喻），文章更具不同風格，更具連貫性。翻譯過程中最難之處在于（尤其是當你使用自動翻譯器，網絡翻譯或電子詞典時）容易忽略不同語境中句子及語法的結構變化，譯文整體不錯。

浙江省平湖中學 余飛（ID:dennis_yu）

Wealth is the baton to direct people's social activity. A good baton should be like this: it can let individuals gain wealth， and at the same time， it should bring in wealth to the whole society， where the others can share the products or services that the wealth provides. The price of these products or services should be competitive and reasonable. Only in this way can the wealth of the whole society be accumulated and increased， and the society developed. People will benefit from this well-designed system， which serves the purpose of bringing welfare to the whole society.

這篇譯文不錯，不過“A good baton is like this: It can let individuals gain wealth”在這里是個比喻，這樣翻譯不太合適。把喻意翻譯出來確實很難，可以考慮用另一個方式來表達這個意思。“accumulated and increased”，這里感覺有些累贅，取其中一個詞即可。整篇譯文的句子結構把握得還好，若稍加修改，會更加清晰流暢自然。

云南警官學院 徐秋荻 (ID:ogi)

Fortune， serving as a baton conducting people's social behavior， is assumed to act like this: while providing people with benefits， it also urges them to make some contribution for the society， which， in the form of products or service， can be shared by other social members; Moreover， these products and service should be with unlimitedly competitive and reasonable price. Thus， the social fortune， in general， may be able to keep increasing constantly， bringing further development of the society. Such a system， by any measure， is the real good fortune to the whole society.

可能是所有譯稿中譯得最貼切的一篇。把開頭的兩句話合并成一句話確實很不錯，“Fortune， serving as a baton conducting people's social behavior， is assumed to act like this”比起“Fortune is like a baton. A baton should do this， this and this”讀起來要好得多。不過有些小詞的放置不太正確，最后一句譯成這樣會好很多，“Such a system is ideal， and will bring great fortune to the whole society”。稍加修改會是一篇更好的作品。

本月題目

北京奧運會，我們見證了中國健兒的成功與突破，同時，與往屆奧運會一樣，眾多令人神傷的遺憾也定格在我們的記憶里。競技體育的殘酷性決定，既然有完美的演出，也就會有遺憾的悲壯。……