翻譯擂臺

上期題目

電影《畫皮》主題曲：畫心

作曲：藤原育郎

作詞：陳少琪

歌手：張靚穎

看不穿 是你失落的魂魄

猜不透 是你瞳孔的顏色

一陣風 一場夢 愛如生命般莫測

你的心 到底被什么蠱惑

你的輪廓在黑夜之中淹沒

看桃花 開出怎樣的結果

看著你抱著我 目光似月色寂寞

就讓你 在別人懷里快樂

愛著你 像心跳難觸摸

畫著你 畫不出你的骨骼

記著你的臉色 是我等你的執著

你是我 一首唱不完的歌

看不穿 是你失落的魂魄

猜不透 是你瞳孔的顏色

一陣風 一場夢 愛是生命的莫測

你的心 到底被什么蠱惑

你的輪廓在黑夜之中淹沒

看桃花 開出怎樣的結果

看著你抱著我 目光比月色寂寞

就讓你 在別人懷里快樂

愛著你 像心跳難觸摸

畫著你 畫不出你的骨骼

記著你的臉色 是我等你的執著

我的心 只愿為你而割舍

上期優秀譯文點評

北京 趙巖 （ID：Olive）

I fail to see through your lost soul

I cannot understand the color of the pupil of your eyes

It is just like a breeze and a dream. Love is as changeable as life.

What on earth is your mind confused?

I see your contours disappearing in the dark night

What will the peach blossoms turn out to be?

You are holding me in your arms but your eyes are imbued with loneliness

I'd better let you be happy in other's arms

Loving you like the heartbeat hard to touch

Painting you but the skeleton hard to paint

Remembering you remains my will of waiting

You are a song that never ends

(My heart will only want to do anything for you)

外編點評：這篇譯文將歌詞轉變成了詩歌的形式，不錯！不過有些詞使用得不太合適?！皃upil”看上去讓人聯想到診所，應該換成“eyes”，“contours”也不太合適，理解起來費勁，用“form”會更好，在英語中沒有“Skeleton hard to paint”這樣的表達，可以改成“painting you, but I cannot reach inside”，這樣既沒有按字面意思譯，又保留了原意。“Remembering you remains my will of waiting”，這句話感覺怪怪的，應該改成“Remembering you remains my only desire”。

云南民族大學外國語學院 李志凌 （ID：Roger）

《畫皮》主題曲：畫心Paint Your Soul

作曲：藤原育郎

作詞：陳少琪

歌手：張靚穎

Melody by：IKURO FUJIWARA

Lyrics by: Chen Shaoqi

Singer: Zhang Liangying

I can't see the lost soul of yours; I can't tell the true color of your eyes. Love is wind; love is dream, hard to take as fate should be. Tell me what ever caught your heart so bad? Your outlook dims away in the dark night. I want to find out how bloom ends in sight. In your arms seeing your eyes I feel lonely moonlight; Let you be, be in sweet arms, not mine. Loving you, tracking heart, are so mad. Painting you shapes it out but not your soul. Never let go your face is my whole life's word. You're the song I'll be singing for long. I can't see the lost soul of yours; I can't tell the true color of your eyes. Love is wind; love is dream, tied to life as fate should be. Tell me what ever caught your heart so bad? Your outlook dims away in the dark night. I want to find out how bloom ends in sight. In your arms seeing your eyes I feel loner than the light; Let you be, be in sweet arms, not mine. Loving you, tracking heart, are so mad. Painting you shapes it out but not your soul. Never let go your face is my whole life's word. Oh, my heart is only saved for you!

外編點評：這篇譯文應該下了一些功夫，譯得不錯，不過有些地方需要注意。來看這個句子：“Your outlook dims away in the dark night”，首先“outlook”的意思是“a viewpoint”，你想表達的意思應該是“outline”，就算用“outline”也不太合適，你應該用“figure”或“form”?！?br>