少有人走的路（節(jié)選）

小時(shí)候總盼著快點(diǎn)長(zhǎng)大，可以自己決定穿什么吃什么，心里總高呼“自由萬(wàn)歲”。但長(zhǎng)大后發(fā)現(xiàn)，自由是有了，卻沒(méi)有想象中的歡呼雀躍，因?yàn)楹芸斓匚覀兙蜁?huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)正如歌詞里所唱的，“長(zhǎng)大后世界就沒(méi)童話”。幾乎每個(gè)人心中都有個(gè)彼得·潘，但畢竟小飛俠只存在于童話世界里。我們可以拒絕任何東西，唯獨(dú)成長(zhǎng)是我們無(wú)法拒絕的。既然如此，我們何不欣然接受，積極應(yīng)對(duì)，在通往成熟的道路上另辟蹊徑，活出自我精彩?

其實(shí)“成長(zhǎng)”這個(gè)話題也一直困擾著小編，所以當(dāng)我看到《少有人走的路》時(shí)，就迫不及待地想跟大家分享。閱讀中你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，“我們長(zhǎng)期以來(lái)的想法和感受，有一天將會(huì)被某個(gè)陌生人一語(yǔ)道破”。本文由作者親自朗讀，語(yǔ)速正常，語(yǔ)音清晰，生詞不多，讀者可以先通聽(tīng)一遍，掌握大意，然后進(jìn)行跟讀模仿。

Life is a series of problems. 1)Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With total discipline we can solve all problems.

What makes life difficult is that solving problems is painful. Problems 2)evoke in us 3)frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or 4)anguish or despair. These are uncomfortable feelings， sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain， and since life poses an endless series of problems， life is full of pain as well as joy. Yet it is in meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning.

Let us teach ourselves and our children the need to face problems directly and to experience the pain involved. I have stated that discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. When we teach ourselves and our children discipline， we are teaching them and ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow. What are these tools I call discipline? There are four: delaying of 5)gratification， acceptance of responsibility， 6)dedication to truth and balancing.

First I want to talk about delaying gratification.

Not too long ago a 30-year old financial analyst was complaining to me about her tendency to 7)procrastinate in her job. Finally one day we dared to look at the obvious.

“Do you like cake?” I asked her.

She replied that she did.

“Which part of the cake do you like better，” I went on， “the cake or the 8)frosting?”

“Oh， the frosting，” she responded enthusiastically.

“And how do you eat a piece of cake?” I inquired.

“I eat the frosting first， of course，” she replied.

From her cake-eating habits we went on to examine her work habits and discovered that on any given work day she would devote the first hour to the more gratifying half of her work and the remaining six hours getting around to the 9)objectionable remainder. I suggested that， if she were to force herself to accomplish the unpleasant part during the first hour， she would then be free to enjoy the other six. “It seemed to me” I said， “that one hour of pain followed by six of pleasure was preferable to one hour of pleasure followed by six of pain.” She agreed， and being basically a person of strong will， she no longer procrastinates.

Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life， to enhance the pleasure by experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only 10)decent way to live.

The financial analyst was a basically loving and dedicated mother to her two young children. She was alert and concerned enough to perceive when her children were having some sort of emotional problem. But then she either made the very first change that came to her mind， making them eat more breakfast or sending them to bed earlier， regardless of whether such a change had anything to do with the problem. Or she came to her next 11)therapy session with me， the repairman， despairing， “It’s beyond me. What shall I do?” This woman had a perfectly keen analytical mind and was quite capable of solving complex problems at work. Yet， when confronted with a personal problem， she behaved as if she were totally lacking in intelligence. Once she became aware of a personal problem， she felt 12)discomfited and was not willing to tolerate her discomfort long enough to analyze the problem. The solution to the problem represented gratification to her， but she was unable to delay this gratification for more than a minute or two with the result that her solutions were usually inappropriate and her family in 13)chronic 14)turmoil.

We are not talking here about 15)esoteric defects in problem-solving associated only with 16)psychiatric disturbances. The financial analyst is “everyman”. Who among us are so self-disciplined that they unfailingly devote sufficient time to analyzing problems within the family? Who among us never says 17)resignedly， “It’s beyond me?”

人生是一連串的難題組成的。解決人生難題的基本方法乃是自律，缺少了自律，我們什么問(wèn)題也解決不了。如果能做到完全自律，那么我們就能解決所有的難題。

是什么讓我們的生活困難重重?是因?yàn)榻鉀Q難題的過(guò)程是痛苦的。各種難題使我們不斷經(jīng)受沮喪、悲哀、難過(guò)、寂寞、內(nèi)疚、懊喪、惱怒、恐懼、焦慮、痛苦和絕望的打擊。這讓人十分難受，無(wú)所適從，有時(shí)甚至同世間最痛的軀體之痛一樣劇烈。正是因?yàn)樯钪谐錆M無(wú)休止的難題，我們才覺(jué)得人生苦難重重，悲喜參半。然而，正是面對(duì)問(wèn)題并解決問(wèn)題賦予了我們?nèi)松囊饬x。

讓我們教會(huì)自己以及我們的孩子們直面問(wèn)題和經(jīng)受痛苦的必要性。我上面已經(jīng)提到，自律是解決人生問(wèn)題的基本方法。當(dāng)我們教導(dǎo)自己和孩子自律，也是在學(xué)著如何忍受痛苦，獲得成長(zhǎng)。我所說(shuō)的自律究竟包括哪些方面呢?主要包括以下四個(gè)方面:延后享樂(lè)、承擔(dān)責(zé)任、尊重事實(shí)、保持平衡。

首先我要談?wù)勓雍笙順?lè)。

不久前，一位30歲的財(cái)務(wù)分析師來(lái)向我求助，抱怨自己最近總是拖延工作。終于有一天，我們總算得以從最顯而易見(jiàn)的地方入手。

“你喜歡蛋糕嗎?”我問(wèn).

她回答說(shuō)喜歡。

“你更喜歡吃蛋糕的哪部分，”我接著問(wèn)，“是蛋糕還是上面那層糖霜?”

她興奮地說(shuō):“噢，當(dāng)然是糖霜啦!”

“那么，你通常是怎么吃蛋糕的呢?”我接著又問(wèn)。

“那還用說(shuō)嗎，我通常先吃糖霜，” 她不假思索地說(shuō)。

就這樣，我們從吃糕點(diǎn)的習(xí)慣出發(fā)，重新審視了她的工作習(xí)慣。發(fā)現(xiàn)她通常在上班第一個(gè)鐘頭把容易的和喜歡做的工作先完成，而在剩下六個(gè)鐘頭里，她就應(yīng)付那些棘手的差事。我建議她如果能在上班第一個(gè)鐘頭里迫使自己去解決那些麻煩的差事，她將可以享受接下來(lái)六個(gè)小時(shí)相對(duì)輕松的時(shí)光。我這樣跟她說(shuō):“在我看來(lái)，一個(gè)鐘頭的痛苦，加上六個(gè)鐘頭的幸福，顯然要比一個(gè)鐘頭的幸福，加上六個(gè)鐘頭的痛苦劃算。”她完全同意我的說(shuō)法，再加上她本身就是一個(gè)意志堅(jiān)定的人，不久就徹底克服了拖延工作的壞毛病。

延后享樂(lè)是一個(gè)重新設(shè)置人生快樂(lè)與痛苦次序的過(guò)程:通過(guò)先面對(duì)問(wèn)題并解決它來(lái)增加幸福感。這是讓我們活得體面的唯一方式。

前面提到的財(cái)務(wù)分析師，其實(shí)是兩個(gè)孩子的媽?zhuān)龑?duì)他們關(guān)愛(ài)有加、盡職。她可以很快覺(jué)察到孩子們情緒的變化。但通常她要不只會(huì)根據(jù)第一反應(yīng)，讓他們?cè)绮投喑渣c(diǎn)，或提前就寢，不考慮這種做法跟孩子們出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題是否相關(guān);要不她就會(huì)在下次心理輔導(dǎo)課程時(shí)向我這個(gè)心理輔導(dǎo)員求助，很是無(wú)助:“我拿他們一點(diǎn)兒辦法也沒(méi)有，我該怎么辦呢?這位女士有著敏銳的分析力，處理工作上的復(fù)雜問(wèn)題的能力十分強(qiáng)，但在解決私人問(wèn)題上，她似乎立刻就成了智力低下的人。一旦她意識(shí)到私人問(wèn)題的存在，她會(huì)感到難受，以致于她不愿意花時(shí)間忍受這種令人不快的感覺(jué)去分析問(wèn)題。雖然解決問(wèn)題能給她帶來(lái)滿足感，但她根本不想去推遲這種滿足感，哪怕是一兩分鐘也不行，這樣做的結(jié)果就是她無(wú)法合理地解決問(wèn)題，她的家庭也長(zhǎng)期陷于一片混亂。

我們這里所談?wù)摰牟⒎鞘悄切┮蛐睦碚系K在處理問(wèn)題方面有隱疾的人群。那個(gè)財(cái)務(wù)分析師的情況足以代表所有的人。我們中有誰(shuí)可以說(shuō)他們非常自律，把足夠多的時(shí)間用在分析家庭問(wèn)題上面?又有誰(shuí)從未心灰意冷地?cái)傞_(kāi)雙手說(shuō):“這超出了我的能力?”

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此書(shū)的作者M(jìn)·斯科特·派克是一名出色的心理醫(yī)生，在近二十年的職業(yè)生涯中，他治愈了成千上萬(wàn)個(gè)病人。該書(shū)就是他以從業(yè)經(jīng)驗(yàn)為基礎(chǔ)所寫(xiě)的，到目前為止，這一系列的書(shū)已經(jīng)出到了第三本，這里的選段節(jié)選自第一本。該書(shū)已被翻譯成二十三種以上的語(yǔ)言，在《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》暢銷(xiāo)書(shū)榜單上，它停駐了近二十年的時(shí)間，是出版史上的一大奇跡。本書(shū)處處透露出溝通與理解的意味，引導(dǎo)我們過(guò)上嶄新、寧?kù)o而豐富的生活。