中考英語(yǔ)滿分作文解析及點(diǎn)評(píng)

湖北省武漢市 呂蕓 供稿

2009年武漢中考作文題：

為了使同學(xué)們與人交往時(shí)舉止更加文雅，你校學(xué)生會(huì)正在舉辦以“How to be have well?”為主題的英語(yǔ)征文比賽，請(qǐng)你寫一篇短文。(以上背景內(nèi)容無(wú)需表述)

短文要點(diǎn)如下：

1.學(xué)生應(yīng)該守時(shí)，守信，不撒謊，不說(shuō)臟話；

2.禮貌待人，熱心助人；

3.遵守交通規(guī)則；不在公共場(chǎng)所喧嘩，不亂扔垃圾；

4.請(qǐng)你就此話題再補(bǔ)充一至兩點(diǎn)個(gè)人看法。

要求：

1.不要逐詞翻譯。

2.在文中不要提及真實(shí)的校名和姓名。

3.詞數(shù)60一80左右。短文首句已給出，不計(jì)入詞數(shù)。

參考詞匯：

dirty adj.obey v.promise n.

Behaving well is the secret of getting on well with others.

滿分文展示1

Behaving well is the secret of getting on well with others.Then how can we students behave well?First，we are supposed to do everything on time and keep promise.That is to say,we should never tell lies.Second，be kind to others and help those in need.Third,we’d better not talk loudly in public.It’s not good manners to throw rubbish about.Last,I think we should respect the old and care about the young.

名師點(diǎn)評(píng)：

作者以簡(jiǎn)潔流暢的語(yǔ)言將寫作要點(diǎn)所列各條以 first，second，third，last等詞一一道出，文章脈絡(luò)清晰。祈使句，We’d better..，It’s...等不同句式的交替使用，讓讀者讀來(lái)感到清新自然。最后作者所發(fā)表的觀點(diǎn)與How to behave well?這一主題吻合，并進(jìn)一步突出了這一主題。

滿分文展示2

Behaving well is the secret of getting on well with others.All of us students ought to do everything on time and keep promises.Remember that lying to others or saying dirty words is a bad behaviour.What’s more，it’s important to be polite to others and be willing to help people who arc in trouble.Never should we throw litter about or speak loud in public.Obeying traffic rules and waiting in line should be remembered.In addition，in my opinion,we should do what we can for our class and our school.

名師點(diǎn)評(píng)：

該文的幾大亮點(diǎn)：1.精彩的句式。作者用了祈使句、It’s+adj.+to do..句式、動(dòng)詞-ing 形式作主語(yǔ)、倒裝句等。2.恰當(dāng)?shù)倪B接詞，如what’s more，in addifion，in my opinion等。3.觀點(diǎn)鮮明。作者發(fā)表了作為學(xué)生應(yīng)該盡可能性地為班級(jí)和學(xué)校做事，切中主題，且觀點(diǎn)有其獨(dú)到之處。綜上所述，該文亮點(diǎn)紛呈，被評(píng)為滿分作文名符其實(shí)。

附：標(biāo)準(zhǔn)范文

Behaving well is the secret of getting on well with others.As a student，I think it’s very important to do everything on time and keep promises.Never lie to others or say dirty words.We should be polite to others and ready to help people in need.We’d berter not talk loudly in public.Don’t throw litter or spit about.And remember to obey traffic rules.

Finally，learn to work with others.We need good teamwork in our life.