學(xué)生習(xí)作名師點評

【欄目要求】

1. 將學(xué)生習(xí)作根據(jù)中考分值給出成績；2. 在應(yīng)該修改的地方劃線并標(biāo)注序號；

3. 根據(jù)所標(biāo)序號進(jìn)行修改并說明修改的理由；4. 給學(xué)生習(xí)作點評優(yōu)點與不足；

5. 請點評名師提供簡歷一份，包括：學(xué)校、職務(wù)、 職稱、榮譽、教研教學(xué)成果、照片一張。

來稿請寄： 430079 華中師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語》 雜志社 初中部 收

E—mail： zxsyy2007@163.com

本期點評名師

儲呈進(jìn) 男，江蘇省海安縣西場初中高級教師，縣級骨干教師。該教師認(rèn)真鉆研教材教法，大膽創(chuàng)新，在教育教學(xué)工作中成績顯著。所撰寫的論文有多篇在省級刊物上發(fā)表，輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生在《中學(xué)生英語》及《英語周報》等刊物上發(fā)表習(xí)作三十余篇。

Safety is First

Hello， everyone！Today my topic is “Safety is First”.

In modern society， safety has become a big problem. As students， what can we do to keep ourselves safe？

Firstly， we should have safe and health① foods and drinks. Some experts suggest that we should buy foods with QS signs. Secondly， we must obey the traffic rule②. When we meet traffic accidents， we should call the police at once. Finally， it’s important for us to keep calm and protect ourselves in natural disasters like earthquakes and snowstorms. Such as③， when there is a lightning， don’t stand under the trees. Remember that safety is first and take good care of ourselves at all times.

That’s all. Thanks for listening！

江蘇省海安縣西場初中八（2）班 張木易

1. 優(yōu)點：

如今，安全問題備受關(guān)注。為此，我校舉行了一次安全知識演講比賽。張木易同學(xué)的這篇以“Safety is First”為題的演講稿，為我們簡述了生活中必須注意的食品、交通、自然災(zāi)難等幾個方面的安全問題，給人啟發(fā)。文章層次分明，結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，語言運用嫻熟，不失為一篇佳作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① health改為healthy。此處要用形容詞作定語；

② rule改為rules。rule是可數(shù)名詞，此處要用復(fù)數(shù)形式；

③ Such as改為For example。For example意為“例如”。

3. 評分：

按照中考英語作文滿分20分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得18分。

出生日期：1998年12月21日

愛好：跳舞

座右銘：永遠(yuǎn)不要后退，否則退到最后是無路可退。

就讀學(xué)校：湖南省邵陽市武岡第十中學(xué)

指導(dǎo)老師：鄧迎紅

My New Pen Pal

This is my new pen pal. Her name is Annie. She is 14 years old. Her birthday is in August. She is from China. What does she look like？ She is of medium height and thin. She has beautiful long black hair. She can speak Chinese and a little English. She likes watching TV and reading books. So she often goes to the library on weekends. Her favorite subject is music. She thinks it is fun. Music can make people feel relaxed. But she doesn’t like geography because it’s too difficult. Her favorite movies are thrillers. Thrillers are scary but exciting. She likes making friends very much. Do you want to make friends with her？

出生日期：1999年9月2日

愛好：跑步、打籃球、打羽毛球

座右銘：天生我材必有用！

就讀學(xué)校：湖南省洞口縣楊林鄉(xiāng)中學(xué)

指導(dǎo)老師：段再春

Can Old People be Beautiful？

I don’t mind the idea that old people can be beautiful. But if old people in the world all wear colorful clothes and have nice looks， are they all the same beautiful？

In fact， beauty of the soul is the real beauty. Generally speaking， as long as one’s heart is beautiful， his appearance is the most beautiful. So I think a person who is the most kindhearted is the most beautiful.

Indeed， the more beautiful one’s mind is， the more beautiful his appearance is. We all love the beauty of the soul.

出生日期：1996年8月9日

愛好：跳舞

座右銘：幸福就像香水，灑給別人

也一定會感染自己。

就讀學(xué)校：山東省無棣縣小泊頭鎮(zhèn)

中學(xué)

指導(dǎo)老師：張洪云

I Love My Parents

As we all know， parents are great. They pay much attention to us every day. If we are hungry， they will give us some food. If we are thirsty， they will give us some water. If we don’t have enough money， they will also give us.

So do my parents. Every morning， my mom always wakes me up to eat breakfast， and then she may say， “Study hard！” And I always tell her that I will. When I fail an exam， my father often encourages me to cheer up. Sometimes I argue with my parents about something. Finally， they always excuse me， though I’m wrong.

In order to offer me a better life， my parents are very tired every day. As for me， I should help them to do some housework. And I have to study hard. If I get good grades， they must be very happy.

Father and mother， I love you！

我愛父母

眾所周知，爸爸媽媽很偉大。他們每天都對我們非常關(guān)注。如果我們餓了，他們就會給我們吃的。如果我們渴了，他們就會給我們水喝。如果我們沒有足夠的錢用，他們也會給我們。

我的爸爸媽媽也是如此。每天早上，媽媽總是叫我起床吃早餐，然后她會說：“好好學(xué)習(xí)！”我總是跟她說我會的。當(dāng)我考試不及格時，爸爸總是鼓勵我，叫我振作。有時候我會和爸爸媽媽爭論一些事情，最后即使是我錯了，他們還是會原諒我。

為了讓我過上更好的生活，我的爸爸媽媽每天都很辛苦。至于我，我應(yīng)該幫助他們做一些家務(wù)。而且我必須好好學(xué)習(xí)。如果我取得了好成績，他們一定會很高興。

爸爸媽媽，我愛你們！