畢業季：苦澀的甜蜜

by Omer Kamal Bin Farooq 譯/辛獻云

曾經你是那么討厭大學里的生活，討厭這里的一切：老師枯燥的講課、課堂上的積極分子、繁重的課后作業、性情乖戾的室友、食堂的大鍋飯……但是當畢業在即，內心對這一切又突然變得不舍：那些曾經的失意和快樂，那些往昔的吵鬧和笑聲，所有這一切終將成為生命中永遠也抹不去的回憶……

I know you guys have already read a couple of blogs about graduation; the ones that elaborated in 10 points how, after passing out1), the realisation dawns that the world out there is very evil and that college was pure bliss.

While these writings surely had their utility, what they failed to encapsulate2) was the experience itself; the four years of loathing that magically turn into a bitter sweet feeling as the end approaches.

I still remember an incident from freshman year when I complained to a teacher about the excessive workload and she said, with a smile reminiscent of days gone by, “When you are done with college, you will miss working all night long with your friends.”

I laughed sarcastically in response. Now I realise that the joke was on me3) all along.

Whats ironic though is the fact that through the course of four years, you pretend to hate every bit of your college life. The news of a cancelled class makes you jump up and down on your seat even though you are fully aware of the horrors of the make-up class that will be scheduled on a Sunday.

The dengue4) holidays come as pure unadulterated joy and you spend your days off with the guilty pleasure of knowing that while you celebrate your time off with cheap cinema, the rest of the city is in chaos.

On top of it all, theres that constant and usual subterfuge5) among your friends that will put Star Plus6) aunties to shame. I mean Zoya is gossiping with Adil about Hira behind her back, but Hira and Zoya are BFFs (best friends forever) and also Zoya was Adils ex-girlfriend and now the current girlfriend of Taimur, who by the way, is Adils friend but secretly hates him and also tried to kick him out of the group—yes, that pretty much summarises it.

Making the college experience more fun are the thetas7) (the Greek mathematical symbol—yeah it really makes you wonder where they got that name from) in every class, also commonly known as nerds. These people will answer every rhetorical question8) with the loudest of “yes” and then look towards the teacher with puppy eyes, begging for appreciation. Other students, who rise from their slumber9) by the excited cries of the nerds, are left staring at them with a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you expression.

And it doesnt end in the classroom either. Every time you go to the instructor to request an extension in the term project submission date, the nerd will already be there. And not to help, mind you, but to stare at you in a nonchalant10) fashion and declare in an annoyingly innocuous11) tone that they are already half way through their project.

Oh how you wish at that time that you had learned a trick or two from the seven Saw12) movies you watched for absolutely no apparent reason (never mind the 3D version—its not even worth mentioning).

Despite all of the above-mentioned stuff that you apparently disliked, somewhere in the last semester, the cognizance13) of your university life coming to an end hits you squarely in the face.

Suddenly the annoying friend who made all your quizzes and exams impossible through constant cries of “help me with something bro” doesnt seem that annoying after all.

A couple of free days after the final exams and you even start missing the weekend makeup classes; classes that you went to grudgingly14), cursing the instructors wife all the time for making life so miserable at home that he decided to conduct the class on a Sunday.

The reason for this, on a psychological level, has to be the trepidation15) of growing up and having to face the challenges of the real world coupled with the issues of mortality that translate to quarter life crises in many youngsters. But lets not make this boring.

On introspection16), you discern that the little idiosyncrasies17) and quirks were what made the whole college experience worthwhile. Oh how you miss the constant complaints, the arguments you had with your classmates, the pranks18) you pulled on aged professors and the classes you bunked19). And of course, who can forget the ostensible20) study groups, the impromptu21) birthday celebrations and the misplaced crushes22)? All these small things, when put together, make the whole enterprise unforgettable.

The funny thing is that when you look back at college after graduation, you dont remember the grade you got in some random subject or the trivial fights you had while you were there. The things that stay with you are the little incidents and bursts of laughter that seemed inconsequential23) at that time but will surely bring a smile to your wrinkled face some 40 years down the line24). For instance, the incident where the instructor was trembling with anger and you still couldnt control your laughter, or when you collected money from the juniors on “Daku day25),” or when you helped a friend pass through an exam in which he had no hopes.

When you realise that you have to leave this makeshift26) world and that the friendships that form it are going to be reduced to Facebook likes27) and Tweets—despite the promises of “staying in touch” on farewell day—it makes you a little despondent.

Orson Welles28) said: “If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”

Well the story of real life may have just begun, but graduation seems to be a very appropriate point for an integral chapter of life to have a happy ending.

PS: A heartfelt apology to all the nerds, without whom classrooms all around the world will be exponentially29) boring. How else would we have our fun then?

我知道各位已讀過數篇關于畢業的博文，那些文章分十個要點細數了畢業之后學生如何幡然醒悟，發現外面的世界是多么險惡，而大學里又是多么純凈快樂。

這類博文確實有其可讀之處，但它們卻未能抓住大學生活經歷的本質，以及四年來對大學生活的厭惡之情如何在即將結束之時神奇般地變成了一種愛恨交織的感情。

我還記得大學一年級時發生的一件小事。當時我向一位老師抱怨說作業負擔太重，結果她笑了笑，仿佛想起了逝去的美好時光，說：“等你大學畢業后，你就會懷念和朋友們一起通宵熬夜做功課的美好日子了。”

我的回答是一陣帶著嘲諷的大笑。可現在我意識到，其實一直以來我自己才是最可笑的。

然而，具有諷刺意味的是，整整四年中，你仿佛恨透了大學生活的方方面面、邊邊角角。每次聽到某節課被臨時取消的消息，你都會歡呼雀躍，雖然你心里很清楚，取消的課將會安排在星期天補上，而那對你來說無疑是噩夢。

登革熱病流行期間，學校通常都會放假，那對你來說更是純粹的、完完全全的開心時光。一連幾天，你泡在廉價的電影院里，盡情地享受著放松的快樂，但同時心里又感到愧疚不安，因為你知道外面的世界已經亂成一鍋粥。

而讓以上這一切都顯得遜色的，是朋友之間常有的、司空見慣的詭計托辭，這些招數簡直令衛視合家歡臺的八婆們都自愧不如。比如說卓婭背著希拉對阿迪爾說希拉的壞話，但希拉和卓婭又是最要好的閨蜜，而卓婭也是阿迪爾的前女友和泰穆爾的現任女友，而泰穆爾又是阿迪爾的好朋友，但暗地里卻討厭他，總是想把他踢出這個圈子——對，基本上就是這么回事。

使大學生活充滿樂趣的是每個班都有的“西塔”(即希臘數學符號θ，真不知道他們是從哪兒弄來的這個名字)，也就是俗稱的“書呆子”。這類人對老師每一句不需要回答的反問都響亮地回答：“對！”然后睜著一雙天真無邪的眼睛眼巴巴地望著老師，渴望得到老師的贊賞。其他同學則因書呆子激動的喊叫聲從沉睡中驚醒，對他們怒目而視，臉上帶著一種“你到底哪根筋出了毛病”的表情。

而書呆子的活動范圍絕不僅僅限于教室。每次當你去找老師，希望延長學期設計的上交時間時，你都會發現書呆子已先你一步到達那里。別以為他們會幫你求情，相反，他們會若無其事地盯著你，然后用一種令人氣惱而又不冒犯的語氣宣布他們的設計已經完成了一半。

唉，此刻，你多么希望能夠從七部《電鋸驚魂》系列影片中學到一招兩式來對付他們啊！你稀里糊涂地看了那么多集，自己都不知道是為什么(別告訴我什么3D版的——根本不值一提)。

盡管有上述那些你明顯討厭的東西，但在最后一學期的某個時候，你突然意識到大學生活快到終點了，這讓你好像當頭挨了一棒。

突然，那個在大大小小的各種考試中不停向你喊叫“哥們，幫幫我吧”、讓你無法安心考試的討厭的朋友也顯得不那么令人討厭了。

在期終考試結束之后的那幾天空閑時間里，你甚至開始懷念起周末的補課來了；周末補課原本是你最不情愿去上的，每次都要咒罵老師的夫人，罵她把家庭生活變得如此不堪忍受，以至于老師決定要在星期天上課。

之所以會有這種變化，從心理上來講，是因為此時畢業生對長大成人和不得不面對現實世界的挑戰感到恐懼；同時，由于對死亡問題的思索也讓許多青年人心中有了“四分之一生命的危機感”。但我們還是不要把這個弄得如此沉重了。

在內心反思一下，你會意識到：使整個大學生活變得更有意義的往往是那些奇奇怪怪、匪夷所思的小事。你是多么懷念你時常掛在嘴邊的那些牢騷，懷念你和同學曾有的爭執，懷念你捉弄老教授的惡作劇，還有你翹過的課啊。當然，又有誰能忘記那些裝模作樣的學習小組、那些即興的生日慶祝，還有那愛錯對象、表錯情的單相思呢？所有這些小事、瑣事疊加起來，使整個大學生活變得令人難以忘懷。

有趣的是，畢業之后，當你回顧大學生活時，你不會記得某門課得了多少分，或者你在那兒參與的某次無關緊要的打斗。留在你腦海中的是那些小事和陣陣笑聲，這些東西在當時看來似乎無關痛癢，但40年以后肯定會給你布滿皺紋的臉上增添一份笑容。比如，老師氣得渾身發抖時，你卻還在忍不住地大笑；或者在“搶劫日”，你強行向學弟們收取“保護費”；或者你幫助一個朋友通過了一場他毫無希望通過的考試。

當你意識到你將不得不離開這個臨時的生活圈子，而在這個圈子里結下的友誼將會化為Facebook上的分享和Tweet上的留言時——盡管在告別那一天大家都互相承諾要“保持聯系”——你心中還是有些小小的失落。

奧森·韋爾斯說過：“故事的結局是否圓滿，當然要看你在什么地方結束你的故事。”

真正的人生故事也許剛剛開始，但畢業似乎是一個恰到好處的結束點，讓人生一個不可或缺的章節有了一個圓滿的結局。

又及：衷心地向所有書呆子們說聲抱歉。沒有他們，全世界的教室都會變得極其沉悶乏味。我們還能從哪兒再找到這么多樂趣呢？

1. pass out：(尤指軍校學生)畢業，完成學業

2. encapsulate [?n?k?psj?le?t] vt. 概括

3. the joke is on sb.：(在自以為聰明地開他人玩笑之后)被戲弄的反而是某人自己

4. dengue [?de?ɡi] n. [醫]登革熱(一種熱帶傳染病，骨關節及肌肉奇痛)

5. subterfuge [?s?bt?(r)?fju?d?] n. 托詞，借口；花招

6. Star Plus：衛視合家歡電視臺，印地語娛樂頻道，主要播放家庭劇、迷你劇和一些娛樂節目等，隸屬于星空傳媒。

7. theta [?θi?t?] n. 希臘字母表中的第八個字母

8. rhetorical question：(用以加強語氣的)反詰，反問；修辭性疑問句

9. slumber [?sl?mb?(r)] n. 睡眠

10. nonchalant [?n?n?(?)l?nt] adj. 若無其事的

11. innocuous [??n?kju?s] adj. 無意冒犯的

12. Saw：《電鋸驚魂》，美國恐怖驚悚系列電影，先后拍攝了七部。

13. cognizance [?k?ɡn?z(?)ns] n. 認識

14. grudgingly [?ɡr?d???li] adv. 不情愿地，勉強地

15. trepidation [?trep??de??(?)n] n. 恐懼

16. introspection [??ntr??spek?(?)n] n. 內省，反省

17. idiosyncrasy [??di???s??kr?si] n. 奇特的行為；獨特的癖性；怪癖

18. prank [pr??k] n. 玩笑，惡作劇

19. bunk [b??k] vt. 缺(課)；逃(學)

20. ostensible [??stens?b(?)l] adj. 表面的，虛假的

21. impromptu [?m?pr?mptju?] adj. 即席的

22. crush [kr??] n. 迷戀

23. inconsequential [?n?k?ns??kwen?(?)l] adj. 無關緊要的，不重要的

24. down the line：將來的某一點

25. Daku day：搶劫日。在這一天，高年級學生通常會打扮成強盜的樣子，拿著水槍之類的武器，要低年級學生特別是新生把錢交出來。“daku”在印地語中是“強盜”的意思。

26. makeshift [?me?k???ft] adj. 臨時代用的；暫時湊合的

27. Facebook like：Facebook的“贊”按鈕，是Facebook推出的一款插件，用來讓用戶與朋友分享自己喜歡的內容。只要用戶點擊Facebook網站上的“贊”按鈕或其他網站網頁上安裝的“贊”按鈕，這些活動就會顯示在用戶的主頁面上，以方便好友瀏覽、評論和分享。

28. Orson Welles：奧森·韋爾斯(1915～1985)，美國著名的電影導演、編劇和演員

29. exponentially [?eksp??nen?(?)li] adv. 成倍地，迅速增長地