對“青年危機”說不

by Tyler Mahoney 譯/Fiona Cai

畢業(yè)后站在人生新的十字路口，前途未卜，希望渺茫，突然發(fā)現自己并非無所不能，胸中的書生意氣在現實的打擊下不斷消磨，于是迷茫、焦慮、恐懼等各種情緒輪番來襲——這是每個人在成長中都會經歷的陣痛。此時，也許過來人的經歷能為你點燃一盞心燈，幫你安然度過這段四分之一人生處的“危機”。

It was 6 a.m. on March 13， 2009. I leapt from my bed knowing both Yale and Harvard had responded to my graduate school applications. Sitting at my kitchen table， I logged in， waited， knowing my future was on the line1） in two emails. My heart sank. I had been rejected by both schools. Like many men would do in these situations， I picked up my guitar and played the blues， and a catharsis2） came over me. It was the worst year to graduate from college since the Great Depression， and like most of my classmates that year I found myself with no job prospects and little hope. In the months that followed， I received my B.A. in theology and religious studies， applied for 30 jobs， got two interviews， and no job offers.

Welcome to real life. It inevitably happens， and it often invariably sucks. Generation Y3） experiences a distinctly Millennial kind of existential crisis. This is more than a coming of age4） tale in the style of The Graduate or Garden State； the moment when you have to face adulthood. I call this the “six month slap in the face，” though it is more commonly called the “quarter-life crisis.” It hits at the end of a tough break up， the minute you lay your hands on a $120，000 diploma， the middle of a family emergency， or your first day on the job. The paroxysms5） of terror you feel may be the first time you discover your own non-invincibility， the day you cease to be a stubborn Sisyphus6） and become a falling Icarus7）. And you feel like everyone around you is getting engaged and has a better job. It sucks.

You might be a hotshot grad from a top college， yet still find yourself yearning for more， trying to accomplish a task just out of reach. Last year， I had an opportunity to launch an online start-up， and it was no cakewalk8）. Though it was loads of fun， it ate all of my time. One can only work 80～90 hours for so many weeks. My time management skills were embarrassingly bad， and my relationships with family and friends suffered. My name was in several national newspapers， and I had nothing but an empty apartment and the early stages of carpal tunnel9） to show for it.

My quarter-life crisis ended with a return to academia： Im now a graduate student who mainly reads， writes and takes photos. How does one last through months of uncertainty， depression and the occasional pangs10） of chest-crushing anxiety？ The following survival techniques have helped me through the quarter-life crisis.

Walk It Off

You must obey the basic needs of your body. Facing the toughest moments of your twenties practically requires proper diet and exercise. I cant emphasize the importance of physical health enough. Take the time to run for 30 minutes， three times a week. Im no medical professional， but Id imagine that even they have a hard time measuring the amount of stress that running can destroy. Fast food will not make you feel good. Throw your junk food away and buy fruits and vegetables. Does any sane diet reject veggies？ No. Changing your diet for the better helps.

I fight anxiety off with evening walks. Twenty minutes of fresh air and contemplation goes a long way11） to restoring mental health. If that doesnt work， journaling to organize your thoughts helps， even if its just to get your ideas out of you. Coping methods are important and are by no means weaknesses.

Hold the Course

Dont make major decisions when times are really tough. Changing directions repeatedly is a great way to get stuck in the quarter-life crisis. Making major life changes to get out of the QLC is a quick fix， which， like so many quick fixes， can prolong your problems. You might move to a new city， transfer to a new college， drop out or quit your job. But if youre bummed out12） or depressed， your mind is not sound. Serious life decisions should wait for the calm after the storm， lest you make rash decisions that leave you with regrets later.

Perseverance is a virtue. At several times in my grad school career， when my papers piled high and my prospects looked bleak， I was ready to quit. But each of those times I put my nose to the grindstone13） and worked harder. In those stressful times I had difficulty contemplating perseverance， but sticking with my commitments has only made me stronger.

Stick Together

You shouldnt go it alone. Life will repeatedly slap you in the face during your quarter-life crisis， but good company will soothe your swollen cheeks. Your friend groups will shift after college， and you will keep in touch with those you care about and lose touch with others. We are social animals： dont pretend youre the only one going through this episode. Lean on others， demand home cooked meals， and breathe every once in a while.

Many of us will find ourselves in new environments where we dont know anybody. Cure yourself of your isolation. Volunteer at a local organization like the Boys and Girls Club14） or a community center. You are bound to find other twenty-somethings， and the law of averages15） guarantees that some of them will be fun people. When times got tough and I knew I needed to keep my mind busy， I started taking pictures again and took on a volunteer gig16） at a community center.

A Satisfied Mind

I was eventually accepted by my top choice for grad school， Duke University. Though I was waitlisted at first， I continued sending extra letters of recommendation and called them until I got in. Spamming17） is apparently an effective admissions tactic. Perseverance paid off， but dont think of perseverance as some kind of fundamental disposition. Margaret Wheatley， a well-known organizational consultant says， “Perseverance is a choice. Its not a simple， one time choice. Its a daily one. Theres never a final decision.”

Hang in there18）. You cant plan your whole life out. Most of the opportunities that will come your way will happen randomly. In the end hold on to what is important， or to quote one of my favorite songs， “Money cant buy back your youth when youre old， or a friend when youre lonely， or a love thats grown cold. The wealthiest person is a pauper19） at times， compared to the man with a satisfied mind.”

那是2009年3月13日，早上六點。我從床上一躍而起，因為我知道耶魯和哈佛已經對我的研究生申請給出了答復。我坐在餐桌前，登錄郵箱，等待著，知道自己岌岌可危的未來就在這兩封郵件里。然后，我的心沉到了谷底。兩所學校都拒絕了我。面對這樣的情形，我和大多數人的反應一樣，拿起吉他，彈起藍調，頓覺感情得到了宣泄。自經濟大蕭條以來，那一年大學畢業(yè)生面臨的形勢最差。和當年的大多數同學一樣，我發(fā)現自己就業(yè)前景慘淡，希望渺茫。在接下來的幾個月里，我獲得了神學與宗教研究專業(yè)的學士學位，申請了30份工作，獲得了兩個面試機會，但沒有收到任何錄用通知。

歡迎來到現實生活。現實中的一切不可避免地發(fā)生，也總是一成不變地糟糕透頂。Y代人所經歷的是“千禧一代”特有的一種生存危機。這種危機遠非影片《畢業(yè)生》或《情歸新澤西》中所呈現的有關成年的故事可比，而是到了你不得不面對成年的時候。我稱之為“六個月的打擊”，盡管更普遍的說法是“青年危機”。在一次艱難的分手后，在你撫摸著用12萬美元的學費換來的一紙文憑時，在家里出現緊急事件時，在第一天上班時，這種危機都會給你當頭一棒。那突然襲來的恐懼感也許就出現在你第一次發(fā)現自己并非不可戰(zhàn)勝的時候，在你不再是執(zhí)著的西緒福斯而成為墜落的伊卡洛斯的時候。你覺得仿佛身邊的所有人都在訂婚，都找到了比你好的工作。那種感覺真是糟透了。

也許你是名校畢業(yè)的高材生，但你發(fā)現自己仍渴望得到更多，試圖完成力不能及的任務。去年，我有機會在網上創(chuàng)業(yè)，這可不是件容易的事。盡管創(chuàng)業(yè)充滿樂趣，但它卻吞占了我所有的時間。每周要工作80～90個小時，一個人也就只能堅持那幾周。我的時間管理能力差得讓我難為情，而我與家人和朋友的關系也因此變得糟糕。雖然我的名字出現在了好幾份國家級報紙上，但我除了有一個空蕩蕩的公寓，并患上了早期腕管綜合癥外，沒有任何東西可炫耀的。

隨著我重返校園，我的“青年危機”才終于畫上了句號：現在的我是一名研究生，每天主要做的就是閱讀、寫作和攝影。那一個人怎樣才能熬過長達數月的不確定感、沮喪情緒以及偶爾襲來的讓人心中陣陣作痛的焦慮不安呢？我能安然度過“青年危機”，多虧了下面這些生存技能。

散步解憂愁

你必須遵從身體的基本需要。面對二十幾歲時最艱難的日子，你需要合理的膳食和適當的運動，這一點很實際。再怎么強調健康體魄的重要性都不為過。拿出點時間跑步，每周三次，每次30分鐘。雖說我不是醫(yī)學專業(yè)人士，但我料想即使醫(yī)生也難以測出跑步能夠紓解多少壓力。吃快餐不會讓你感覺開心，扔掉你的垃圾食品，去買水果和蔬菜吧。有哪種健康飲食是把蔬菜剔除在外的嗎？沒有。改善飲食習慣對你很有幫助。

我是通過晚間散步來消除焦慮感的。20分鐘的清新空氣和沉思對于恢復心理健康大有裨益。如果這樣不管用，你可以通過記日記來整理思緒，哪怕只是把你的想法寫出來。應對危機的方法很重要，這絕不是軟弱的表現。

堅定自己的道路

不要在非常艱難的時候做重大決定。頻繁地改變人生方向會使你深陷“青年危機”而無法自拔。通過做出重大人生轉變來擺脫“青年危機”是個快速見效的方法，但和很多快速見效的方法一樣，這樣做只會拖延問題。你可能會搬到一座新的城市，轉到一所新的學校，輟學，或是辭掉工作。但是當你煩躁或沮喪的時候，你的頭腦是不清醒的。要做出重大的人生抉擇，你應該等心中的風暴平靜下來，否則草率做出的決定會讓你日后后悔不已。

堅持不懈是一種美德。在研究生階段，當我面對堆積如山的論文，想到自己前途渺茫時，我有好幾次都做好了退學的準備。但是每次我都選擇埋頭苦讀、加倍努力。在那些充滿壓力的日子里，我很難做到堅持不懈，但堅守自己的承諾只會讓我變得更加堅強。

不要獨自面對

你不該獨自面對“青年危機”。經歷“青年危機”時，生活會不斷地打擊你，但好友的陪伴會撫慰你的創(chuàng)傷。大學畢業(yè)后，你的朋友圈會發(fā)生變化。你會和你關心的人保持聯(lián)系，與其他人則失去聯(lián)絡。我們是社會動物：不要裝作只有你一個人在經歷這個人生階段。依靠他人的幫助，請求朋友給你做幾頓家常菜，偶爾讓自己喘口氣。

我們中的很多人會發(fā)現自己處于一個新的環(huán)境，周圍都是陌生人。不要把自己孤立起來。你可以去當地的一些機構做志愿者，比如男孩女孩俱樂部或者社區(qū)活動中心。在那里，你肯定能遇到其他二十多歲的人。根據常規(guī)，他們之中總會有幾個風趣幽默的人。當日子變得艱難時，我意識到要讓自己忙碌起來，所以我重拾了攝影的愛好，并志愿在社區(qū)活動中心服務。

常懷滿足之心

我最終如愿進入我的第一志愿——杜克大學讀研究生。盡管起初我被列入了候補名單，但我堅持給對方發(fā)送額外的推薦信，給他們打電話，直到我被錄取。大量發(fā)送垃圾郵件顯然是獲得錄取的有效策略。堅持到底終究會有收獲，但不要認為堅持是人的某種本性。著名的組織顧問瑪格麗特·惠特利說：“堅持是一種選擇。它不是簡單的一次性選擇，而是每天都要做出的選擇。永遠沒有最終的決定。”

堅持下去。你不可能把整個人生都規(guī)劃好，你將遇到的大多數機會都是隨機出現的。最后，牢牢把握重要的東西，或者如我最喜歡的一首歌中所唱的那樣：“當你老去時，金錢無法換回你的青春；當你孤獨時，金錢無法買到一個朋友；當情已冷卻時，金錢無法買回曾經的愛。與內心滿足的人相比，腰纏萬貫的人有時也一貧如洗。”

1. on the line：（指工作、職業(yè)、名譽等）面臨風險，岌岌可危

2. catharsis [k??θɑ?（r）s?s] n. 陶冶，凈化（美學用語，亞里士多德倡導的由藝術作用引起的精神凈化或情感解脫）

3. Generation Y：Y代人，通常指出生于1970年代末或1980年代之后的人，又稱“千禧一代”。

4. come of age：成年，達到法定年齡

5. paroxysm [?p?r?k?s?z（?）m] n. （感情等的）突發(fā)

6. Sisyphus：西緒福斯，是希臘神話中的人物。他因具有卓爾不凡的智慧惹惱了眾神，被懲罰將大石推上陡峭的高山。但每次當他快要把大石推到山頂時，石頭就會從他手中滑落，他因此干著無止境的勞動。

7. Icarus：伊卡洛斯，希臘神話中的人物。在與父親利用蠟翼飛離克里特島時，他因飛得太高，雙翼上的蠟被太陽融化，不幸墜海而亡。

8. cakewalk [?ke?k?w??k] n. 易如反掌的事情

9. carpal tunnel：這里指腕管綜合征（carpal tunnel syndrome）。

10. pang [p??] n. 一陣極度的痛苦；猛然發(fā)生的感覺

11. go a long way：有很大作用，大有幫助

12. bum out：〈美俚〉使灰心喪氣；使煩躁

13. put ones nose to the grindstone：（使某人）一刻不停地拼命干

14. Boys and Girls Club：男孩女孩俱樂部，美國全國性的公益組織，成立于1860年，致力于增進會員健康，培養(yǎng)其社交、教育、職業(yè)和個性能力。

15. law of averages：（事物變化的）常規(guī)；（人的）行為慣例

16. gig [ɡ?ɡ] n. 工作，任務

17. spam [sp?m] vt. 向……大量發(fā)送垃圾郵件

18. hang in there：〈口〉不泄氣，堅持下去

19. pauper [?p??p?（r）] n. 赤貧的人