TOGETHER ALWAYS, IN DARKNESS A N D I N LIGHT在一起
—— 不管白天黑夜

by Nicole C.Kear

喬皙 譯

TOGETHER ALWAYS, IN DARKNESS A N D I N LIGHT在一起
—— 不管白天黑夜

Track 7

by Nicole C.Kear

喬皙 譯

T here is no good way to tell a new guy in your life that you’re going blind.I chose the best of1)lousyoptions.

At 22, David was a novelist just starting his career, and I knew if I framed my2)plightas poetic, he’d fnd it irresistible, at least on a narrative level.So lying next to him in the dark, I told the story like a Gothic novel.

I started with how, three years earlier, at 19, I realized I couldn’t see the stars at night.This seemed like an innocent enough detail until it turned out to be the frst symptom of an incurable3)degenerative4)retinaldisease.The doctor told me I would slowly lose my eyesight over the next 10 to 15 years—first my nighttime and5)peripheralvision, and later, my central vision, too.

I ended on a high note: Losing my vision, I explained, was teaching me to really see.I would go blind with a bang, not a whimper, by seeing and doing more in the next decade than most people did in a lifetime.

All true, but only part of the story.The pretty part.

Our romance was still new, and I was nervous about how he would react to my disclosure.His response, though, was as grand and poetic as the story itself.

The next time we met, he wore my name on his arm.Six lowercase letters stained the skin,6)indelibly.As I admired the tattoo, he told me I had lit his darkness and he would light mine.No matter what came, he said, we would face it together.He was all in.

要告訴新男友自己眼睛將會瞎掉，這沒有什么好辦法可言。我從所有的糟糕辦法中選了個最好的。

戴維22歲時剛開始寫小說，我知道如果我以詩意的方式來描繪這個困境，他會被迷住的，至少敘述方式讓他著迷。因此，我在黑暗中躺在他身邊，把我的故事說得像哥特式的小說一樣。

我是這樣開始講述的，三年前，19歲，我發現我晚上看不見星星。這看起來是個很微不足道的細節，但其實是不可治愈的視網膜退化疾病的初始癥狀。醫生說我會在10至15年內逐漸喪失視力——首先是夜間視力和周邊視覺，然后就是中央視覺。

我以積極的態度來結束這個故事：我是這樣描述的，失去視力教會我真正地用眼睛去看。我要在振奮雷鳴中瞎掉，不要在軟弱哭泣中瞎掉，我要在這十年里看更多的東西，比大多數人一生所看的都要多。

那都是真的，但只是故事的一部分，美好的部分。

我們才剛開始戀愛，我很緊張，想知道他會對我的坦白作何反應。他的回應大方而有詩意，恰似故事本身那樣。

我們下次見面時，他把我的名字寫在了他的手臂上。六個擦洗不掉的小寫字母印刻在皮膚上。我欣賞著這個紋身時，他說我照亮了他的黑夜，而他也會照亮我的黑夜。他說不管發生什么事情，我們都會一起面對。他會一直在我身邊。

I met David during our last semester in college, where we were both English and theater majors.I liked that he was smart but not7)pretentious, funny but never mean.There was solidity to him and it made me feel safe for the frst time since my diagnosis.

He was a small-town Southern boy, who had always dreamed of living in California but was never ready to take the plunge—until I took it with him.

In Los Angeles, David helped me with my acting auditions and I edited his manuscripts.

On weekends we lowered the top on his beat-up8)convertibleand drove up the Pacifc Coast Highway, music blaring.The golden hills looked like the backs of sleeping lions, we agreed.David drove for hours, one-handed, because the other hand was melded to mine.

Our life together was a grand romance, and my9)encroachingblindness was more blessing than curse, because it10)galvanizedus to live with urgency.The blindness was poetic because it hadn’t happened yet.

In reality, it’s tedious, draining, messy.It changes you in surprising ways, some positive and some not.It’s a lot like the reality of being married.

我在大學的最后一個學期認識戴維，我們都是英語和戲劇專業的學生。我喜歡他因為他聰明而不顯擺，幽默而不刻薄。……