托福獨立寫作作為議論性的文章一般要具備首段、主體段和結尾段這樣的基本結構。從考生在考場上的實戰情況來看,在寫首段時,能不能在考場限時的緊張狀態下快速啟動寫作,自信、流暢地表達出首段的內容,這將影響到考生寫作的信心和對進度的把控。此外,從對評卷人的影響角度來看,首段在評卷人評分時起到先入為主的作用,對分數的影響很大,不可忽視,畢竟首段的內容和語言質量都將決定評卷人對考生的第一印象和判斷。因此,考生一定要重視首段的寫作。
《新托福考試官方指南》(第三版)針對寫作部分首尾段的寫作給出了如下提示:“Do not ‘memorize’ long introductory and concluding paragraphs just to add words to your essay. Raters will not look favorably on wordy introductory and concluding paragraphs such as the following: ‘The importance of the issue raised by the posed statement, namely creating a new holiday for people, cannot be underestimated as it concerns the very fabric of society. As it stands, the issue of creating a new holiday raises profound implications for the future. However, although the subject matter in general cannot be dismissed lightheartedly, the perspective of the issue as presented by the statement raises certain qualms regarding practical application.’”評卷人引用的這個首段表述雖然詞匯和句式結構很復雜,但是內容非常空洞、冗余,評卷人不會接受這樣的首段寫法。
那么,如何才能快速且高質量地寫出托福獨立寫作的首段呢?根據筆者的教學經驗,考生如果遵循下面的五個步驟,就能比較容易地在五分鐘左右的時間內寫出個性化的首段。這樣既能夠為后文主體段的發揮留下充足的時間,也能夠給評卷人留下較好的第一印象。
第一步寫背景
背景就是寫作題目中的問題產生的前提條件。寫背景時,考生需要仔細審題,抓住題目中的關鍵詞,寫出一個宏觀但能夠反映“題眼”的句子,這樣才不會一開始就給評卷人留下套用模板和內容死板的印象。同時,考生也要注意,寫背景句時保持態度中立,不應該有觀點的偏向性,這樣便于首段后面幾個步驟的寫作。
以下面這道題目為例:“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way for the government to reduce air pollution is to raise the cost of fuel (petrol) for cars.”這道題目探討的問題是提高油價是不是政府減輕空氣污染的最好方式。這個問題產生的前提是當前空氣污染比較嚴重,所以考生可以針對空氣污染來寫一個態度中立的背景句:“隨著工業化的發展和私家車的普及,空氣污染越來越嚴重。”
在寫背景句時,考生可以用“狀語前置”或者“狀語中置”(把狀語放在主謂之間作插入語)的方式來豐富語言。用于引出背景句的狀語可以是副詞,比如recently、currently、presently、nowadays等,也可以是介詞短語作狀語的形式,比如in the contemporary time、during recent years、over the past decades、in this competitive society、in the present time and age、with the advancement of commercialization/industrialization/globalization、with the popularity of、with the prevalence of等。
針對上面的題目,背景句可以寫成:“Over the past decades, with the advancement of industrialization and the prevalence of private cars, air pollution has become an increasingly severe problem.”為了豐富語言的形式,考生也可以將狀語放在主謂之間作插入語,寫成如下句子:“Air pollution, over the past decades, with the advancement of industrialization and the prevalence of private cars, has become an increasingly severe problem.”
需要注意的是,背景句在內容上一定要個性化,也就是要結合寫作題目中的關鍵詞來寫,而不能用類似“隨著經濟社會發展……”這樣過于寬泛的句子來寫所有題目,否則就會有套用模板之嫌。
第二步引出爭議話題
在這一步,考生只要把寫作題目中需要討論的爭議話題改寫成一般疑問句或是特殊疑問句的形式即可。考生要注意,一定是“改寫”,而不是照抄原來的題目。通常來說,考生可以從詞和句式入手來改寫。
詞的改寫方法有以下幾種。
1. 同義詞替換。比如important這個常用詞可以用crucial、essential等同義詞來替換,pollution可以用contamination來替換。
2. 詞性轉化。比如“be +形容詞”可以改寫成“be + of +名詞”的形式,像be beneficial就可以改寫為be of great benefit。
3. 詞和短語之間的轉化。比如consider這個詞可以用短語“take … into consideration/account”來替換。
4. 增加適當的修飾語。可以增加形容詞來修飾名詞,或者增加副詞來修飾動詞、形容詞或副詞,但要注意不可扭曲原意。比如air pollution前面可以加上一個形容詞寫成serious air pollution,也可以再加上一個副詞來修飾形容詞,寫成increasingly serious air pollution。再比如,reduce air pollution前面可以加上一個副詞來修飾動詞,寫成effectively reduce air pollution。
除了詞的改寫,考生還可以通過“主語多樣化”的方式來改寫主題句。能夠作主語的有名詞、代詞、動名詞、不定式、主語從句、it形式主語等。同一個句子可以變換不同的主語形式來表達,從而實現句式的多樣化。比如“We should protect the environment.”這句話的主語是代詞we,通過變換主語可以將這句話改寫成下面幾個句子。
Protecting the environment is imperative for us.
(動名詞作主語)
To protect the environment is essential for us.
(不定式作主語)
What is important for us is to protect the environment.
(主語從句做主語)
It is imperative for us to protect the environment.
(it作形式主語,不定式作真正的主語)
It is imperative that we protect the environment.
(it作形式主語,主語從句作真正的主語)
上面幾句話表達的是同樣的意思,可見,通過變換主語形式來改寫就可以避免句式重復、單調。考生可以用上述方法把文章開頭題目中的句子改寫成一般疑問句,如:“Is raising the price of petrol for cars the best method for the government to effectively curb increasingly severe air contamination?”也可以改寫成特殊疑問句,比如:“How can the government effectively curb the increasingly severe air pollution?”這樣既引出了爭議話題,又避免了重復題目中的原話。考生也可以根據不同的題目用這樣的方法靈活改寫話題句。
第三步提出反方觀點
考生審題并構思出自己的觀點立場后,可以在表述個人觀點之前,先提出和自己不一樣的觀點作為鋪墊。比如針對文章開頭的題目,考生如果覺得提升油價不是降低空氣污染的最好方式,那么可以先說“有些人認為提升油價是最好的方式”。此時,考生可以用豐富多樣的語言形式來表達反方觀點,必要時也可以表達反方的主要理由。
在表達反方觀點時,很多考生會用“Some people think …”之類的句子。為了更個性化一點,考生可以根據不同的寫作題目,把people這個詞改寫成具體化的人,比如environmentalists、politicians、educators、college students、parents等,以此來豐富寫作的詞匯。此外,think這個詞用得也比較多,考生可以積累一些近義詞,如contend、insist、claim、state、maintain、believe、hold等,在合適的情況下進行替換。
另外,考生在表達反方觀點或理由時也可以選擇更加多樣的句式,比如下面這些句式。
It is suggested by some people that … (主語從句)
There is an opinion among some people that … (同位語從句)
The opinion held by some people is that … (表語從句)
The opinion that … (同位語從句) is circulating among some people who claim that … (賓語從句)
Reasoning that … (賓語從句), some people maintain that … (賓語從句)
Some people, reasoning that … (賓語從句,插在主謂之間), state that … (賓語從句)
Based on the reason that … (同位語從句), some people suggest that … (賓語從句)
With the consideration that … (同位語從句), some people hold that … (賓語從句)
Some people, convinced that … (賓語從句,插在主謂之間), suggest that … (賓語從句)
考生可以用上面這些多樣的句式來表達反方觀點或理由。比如針對文章開頭的寫作題目,考生在表達反方觀點時就可以說:“It is suggested by some environmentalists that raising the price of petrol for cars is the most effective approach for the government to address the serious air pollution.”如果考生想在表達反方觀點的同時也簡要給出理由,可以這樣寫:“Reasoning that it is private cars that mainly cause air pollution, some experts insist that increasing the price of petrol for cars should be the most effective method for the government to reduce air pollution.”
第四步轉入個人觀點
在提出反方觀點之后,考生可以通過轉折句轉入個人觀點,并清楚地表述自己的立場,這是最重要的也是不可省略的步驟。表達轉折時,考生可以用however、nevertheless、nonetheless等詞。表達個人立場時,考生可以用下面這些詞組:in my opinion、from my point of view、from my personal perspective、personally speaking、to my knowledge、as far as I know、as far as I am concerned等。考生也可以結合一定的狀語形式來表達個人立場,如下所示。
Based on my knowledge and experience, I believe that …
Based on my experience and observation, I believe that …
Based on my analysis and judgment, I believe that …
比如,針對文章開頭的寫作題目,如果考生不同意題干中的觀點,就可以這樣表述個人觀點:“Nevertheless, based on my analysis and judgment, increasing the price of fuel for cars is not the most reasonable way.”
第五步過渡到正文
過渡句的作用是承上啟下,考生如果在前面四個步驟中寫的內容已經足夠多,也可以省略這個步驟。筆者在此提供一個過渡句的句式,并列出可用于替換的單詞,考生可以酌情替換使用。為方便考生閱讀和理解,現將這個句子分割展示如下。
In the following/subsequent paragraphs,
I will present/demonstrate/provide/render/elaborate/illuminate/elucidate/explicate
some compelling/convincing/persuasive reasons
and concrete/appropriate/specific/related/typical examples
to prove/substantiate/justify/verify/champion/bolster
my standpoint/position/view/point/opinion/perspective.
當然,在豐富語言的同時,考生要注意語言是為內容服務的,語言與內容必須相匹配。考生如果在首段的過渡句中寫了convincing reasons and typical examples,那么在下文的主體段中一定要給出真正有說服力的理由和足夠典型的例子,不能只是靠表面的語言裝飾,否則就算詞匯和句式再復雜、再豐富,也得不了高分。
經過上面的分析,本文開頭的題目可以根據文中所述的五個步驟寫成完整的首段,如下所示。
Over the past decades, with the rapid advancement of industrialization and the prevalence of private cars, air pollution has become an increasingly severe problem. How can the government effectively curb the trend of serious air contamination? It is suggested by some environmentalists that raising the price of petrol for cars is the most effective approach. Nevertheless, based on my analysis and judgment, this is not the most rational way to address this problem. Some compelling reasons and related examples, in the subsequent paragraphs, will be elaborated to substantiate my position.
考生在寫托福獨立寫作的首段時要注意,這一段的寫作不宜耗費太長時間,不能影響到后文更重要的主體段寫作。首段寫作的篇幅建議控制在50~100詞之間。如果文章總字數少于400詞,建議首段寫50詞左右即可;如果總字數在400詞以上,首段篇幅也不宜超過100詞,否則會顯得頭重腳輕。同時,考生也要注意,用這五個步驟寫出的句子之間要銜接順暢、自然。考生也可以根據自己的語言基礎和考試時間靈活運用五個步驟,如果覺得第二步引出爭議話題運用得不自然,或是覺得第五步過渡句寫上之后首段篇幅過長,可以酌情省略第二步和第五步。