雅思寫作題材解析及習作修改（八）
——動物類

文/唐老雅

雅思寫作題材解析及習作修改（八）
——動物類

文/唐老雅1

一、雅思“動物類”題材考情分析

“動物類”話題在雅思考試中時有出現，考生也需要關注。考點及分布如下：

1. 動物實驗，包括：（1）將動物作為藥物試驗的對象是對還是錯？（2）使用動物進行藥物試驗是殘忍和不必要，還是因為滿足了人類利益而正義？

2. 動物保護和利用，包括：（1）野生動物是否過度保護？（2）我們是應該保護即將滅絕的動物還是專注于解決人類自身的問題？（3）人類是否應該將動物作為食物和衣料？

二、雅思“動物”題材經典考題

1. In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2016/03/12)

2. Some people think that too much attention and too many resources have been given to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (2015/01/31)

對于“動物類”話題，以下觀點可以借鑒：（1）我們要保護野生動物（wild animals），尤其是那些瀕臨滅絕的（extinct）動物，因為動物多樣性（diversity）不僅是個生活樂趣的問題，更是關涉到自然平衡（balance）的問題；（2）總體上反對隨意用動物做醫學實驗，因為這既殘忍（cruel），也侵犯了動物權利（violate the animal rights），但是在某些情況下，動物實驗也是必要的，因為動物實驗推動的醫學技術，既有利于人類，也有利于動物自身長期繁衍；（3）強烈反對將獸皮用作裝飾性的衣物，這種為了人類自身的虛榮而剝奪野生動物生命的行為，純粹是謀殺（murder）；（4）強烈反對食用野生動物，這既殘忍又破壞生態平衡，但人類為了自身營養需要，可以食用某些家養動物：某種意義上，人類健康繁衍，這些家養動物的種族也才能夠繁衍下去。

三、雅思“動物類”題材習作修改

題目

Nowadays living animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.Some people think this is very cruel and unnecessary. However others believe that it is justi fi ed in the interest of human beings. Discuss these two points of view and give your own opinion.

學生習作

In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.

On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.

On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.

In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.

評分：5

老雅評改

本題需要討論的問題比較具體：我們經常用活著的動物來試驗新研發的藥物，有些人認為這太殘酷，而且也沒有必要，但另外的人則認為這樣做符合人類利益。如果我們做雙邊討論，那首先就要討論為什么用活著的動物來試驗新藥是殘酷的（動物也有痛覺，動物也會感到痛苦），而且是沒有必要的（可以用其他辦法來試驗，比如用模擬的方法等），然后就要討論用活動物來試驗新藥的意義所在（比如可以挽救人類的生命，減少人類的痛苦），犧牲動物來挽救人類，這樣做是有一定道理的。最后，要給出自己的觀點，比如盡量減少用活著的動物來試驗，盡量減少動物的痛苦和死亡，但必要時，可以犧牲動物。

習作結構清楚，有表達思想的基本能力，但用詞、語法錯誤較多，同時，思想重復表達較多，語言重復也比較多，因此無論思想層面還是語言層面都沒有顯示出較好的靈活性。

第1段

In recently, the medicine has a rapid development. And because of various reasons many animals are used for the testing of newly developed medicines.So there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing of newly developed medicines. And different people have different views. There are two main opinions about this topic.

[修改] Recently, the medical science has seen a rapid development. However, for various reasons animals are used for the testing of newly-developed medicines.So there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experiment.

[評析] 開頭段引入話題，然后重新表述題目觀點。問題如下：（1）in recently 是錯誤表達，應為recently，或者in recent years。（2）because of various reasons 是不地道表達，應為for various reasons。（3）“... there is a hit that should animals be used for the testing ...”中，that應為 whether，同時詞序需要調整。正確的應該是“... there is a heated discussion about whether animals should be used in the medical experinent”。（4）后面部分比較拖沓，修改時或壓縮，或刪除。

第2段

On the one hand, some people think that it is justified in the interest of human beings. It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings. So it’s the best way to use the animals to the testing of newly developed medicines.

[修改] On one hand, some people think that living animal testings are justifi able on the ground that they are bene fi cial for human beings. Our health or even life may be at risk if untested new medicines are used. Hence, it is probably the best way to use animals to test whether the newly-developed medicine is safe for human patients, as there is no other better alternative so far.

[評析] 本段論述動物試驗的合理性。習作內容單薄，語言失誤多。（1）it 所指不明，應該是指“用動物來測試新藥”，但這里已經是新起一段了，這樣的關鍵詞應該明確指出，而不是用代詞。（2）It’s harmful that some new medicines whose properties were uncertainty were used for human beings.本句中后邊時態用were（過去時）令人匪夷所思，這里論述的是一般情況，沒有涉及過去，應該用一般現在時；“... whose properties were uncertainty”中，uncertainty是名詞形式，這里應該用其形容詞形式uncertain。（3）本段重復使用題目中的“in the interest of ..., testing of newly developed medicines”，可以考慮替換一下說法。

第3段

On the other hand, there are many people think that this is very cruel and unnecessary. Every life is equal and human beings and animals have no differences. So human beings have no rights to deprive animals life. And it’s very cruel and unnecessary to use the animals for the testing of newly developed medicines. But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines, we wouldn’t know the properties of medicines and cannot use these new medicines to human beings. So in my opinion, we should choose another way to test the new developed medicines except using animals.

[修改] On the other hand, there are many people who believe that live animal testing is unfair and brutal. Every life is equal. Human beings and animals have no difference in terms of life equality, so man has no rights to deprive animals of their life. Besides, animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings. Some medicines and experiments indeed cause huge pain on them.However, if people do not use animals to test the new medicines, they will not know the properties of them and then cannot use them on human beings safely.

[評析]本段討論動物試驗的殘酷之處。習作重復表達多，且沒有深入論證動物實驗為什么殘酷，修改文增加了animals also have feelings and they can feel pain and sufferings。（1）“... there are many people think that ...”是一種句型錯誤，應該為“... there are many people who think that ... ”。（2）deprive的漢語雖然是“剝奪”，但其用法是deprive somebody of something，同樣用法的還有rob somebody of something、relieve somebody of something。（3）“But if we don’t use the animals to test the new medicines,we wouldn’t know ...”中，don’t use 與后面的 wouldn’t know 的搭配有問題，前面是一般形式，后面卻用了虛擬形式。這也是很多學生常常犯的錯誤。正確的搭配應該是：“don’t use ... will not know ...” 或者“didn’t use ...wouldn’t know ...”。

第4段

In conclusion, using animals to test the new developed medicines is cruel.But the science is limited, now we have to use this method. So it’s necessary to fi nd a new way to test the new medicines. And it’s still have more work to do.

[修改] Therefore, in my opinion, we should develop a better way to test the newly developed medicines which will make neither animals nor humans suffer.However, current scienti fi c development is still too limited to fi nd this way, so there is a long way to go before animals are no longer used to test the new medicines.

[評析] 本段為結尾段，總結前文論述，同時提出自己的觀點。（1）“...the science is limited”，這個表達有歧義，我們經常說的是science is limitless（ 科學無極限）。這里應該是說current scienti fi c development is still limited。（2）“...it’s still have more work to do.”這句問題更大，it指什么？是science嗎？那也應該是“... it still has more work to do”！ □

（與唐老雅繼續交流，請加微信號ieltswriting4u）

1 唐偉勝，廣東外語外貿大學教授，博士，英美文學研究專家。