Mind Your Behavior in Delicate Situations

By Hui Guniang

Some time ago, gastroenteritis befell me, and I was vomiting and having watery stools—nearly dying.On the third day of lying in bed, I received a call from a former business partner.

He obviously knew I was sick.So he asked at first, “Oh, how are you feeling now? For the better?” I immediately replied: “Much better.” He was glad hearing that and immediately started talking about his recent new project and the intention he had to cooperate.We talked more than an hour before hanging up.

Seeing me putting down the phone, my mother was very upset: “You are obviously not getting better, and you just had an intravenous drip.Why did you tell others that you are better?” I explained: “Though he asked if I was feeling better, he wasn’t really caring about my condition.He hoped that my illness had already been cured, so that we could talk about work.If I said the illness was still serious, he would not have been able to start the conversation he had intended to have with me.I’m just trying to be sensible by letting him finish his words.”

To be sensible is actually a matter of understanding others.

In negotiations between enterprises, assistants are often the one who check bosses’ schedules first and set the meeting place.When the two sides meet for the first time and are not familiar with each other, the assistants’ good sensibility is put to the test in how and where they schedule the meeting.

Once, an entrepreneur hired an assistant who went out with him to meet a client.The assistant wore extremely expensive suits, shoes, and sunglasses.His hair was smooth and shiny, his hands in his pockets.His appearance made him look more powerful than the boss.

When the two sides met, our assistant did not say anything but stood by.The other side’s boss mistakenly thought that our assistant was the boss.So he came up and took his hand intimately: “Mr.XX! Long time no see!” The real boss was left behind, and the scene was quite embarrassing.

At dinner, the two bosses sat down and talked.The assistant of the other party sat quietly, recording, handing over the information, signaling the waiter and tea, and he kept silent when not asked.

Our assistant, on the other hand, was too committed.No matter what topic it was, he would butt in and put forward a lot of “independent opinions.” Even when the other party’s boss mentioned that his daughter’s transfer of school was difficult, before our boss opened his mouth, our assistant patted his own chest and promised: “That’s not a big deal.Just leave it to me!”

At the parting time, the other party’s boss politely invited: “We look forward to our cooperation when opportunity permits.” The boss of our party nodded politely and smiled without expressing any intention.Our assistant shook hands again with excitement: “There surely could be! Tell us when you need!”

…

It is conceivable that, after the assistant returned to the company, he was dismissed.

His dressing was so exaggerated that he out-shined the boss.He didn’t remember to introduce the boss when they first met.He didn’t know his status and spoke casually in the conversation.He boasted of power in the chat, ignoring his own boss.The gravest thing was that he was self-righteous and arrogant in making decisions, which might cause misunderstandings and losses.He might not be described as “ignorant”—but he was certainly “courting a rebuff.”

It’s easy to be sensible in concept, but hard to practice it.

When the other party cannot drink any more liquor, we shall say, “I’ll empty it.Be my guest.” When you are having dinner with a girl, if she eats a lot, try to take some more even you are already full, instead of saying “Why do you eat so much?” When tourists are taking photos while traveling, do not walk in front of them.If it is a road trip, take turns driving—don’t wait for your partners to exclaim their tiredness driving.Don’t publish information of your donations, and don’t show your pity and charity.When the other person shows a hesitant or distasteful expression while chatting with you, stop and switch the topic subtly.When you are having a relationship, and your partner is cold to you or even commits cold violence, do not hesitate to break up.Don’t hang on or lose your mind.Pose your question when others are willing to answer.And do not inquire if they are not ready to tell.

Another popular way of saying “being sensible” is “having a sense of propriety.”

We shall know what we are in the eyes of others, learn to read faces, and stay within proper limits.We shall know what we want and learn to get it in a reasonable way.Don’t ask for more than what you should get.Don’t be contentious or hysterical.I’m not telling you to be all things to all men, but to put everyone around you on your mind and treat them with respect and kindness.

To be a funny guy is not easy, but it’s not that hard to be a sensible person.

(FromThis World Secretly Loves You, Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Hu Honglei)

學會識趣

文/輝姑娘

前段時間腸胃炎犯了，上吐下瀉，整個人被折騰得死去活來。躺在床上的第三天，我接到一個電話，對方是之前生意上的合作伙伴。

他顯然知道我生病，上來第一句話就問：“哎呀，你的病怎么樣了？好些了嗎？”我馬上回答：“好多了，好多了。”對方很高興，立刻聊起最近他的新項目，以及希望達成的合作。我們講了一個多小時才收線。

放下電話，母親很不高興：“你明明病還沒好，剛才還在打吊針，為什么要跟人家說好多了？” 我解釋：“他問病好沒好，并不是真的關心病情，而是希望我的病已經好了，這樣就可以聊工作。如果還很嚴重，他根本就不會再說接下來的話了。識趣一點兒，不如讓他把話說完吧。”

識趣，其實是識心。

企業之間的商談，先由助理們敲定大佬們的時間，定好地點即可。有時雙方是第一次見面，并不熟識，在這個過程中，就格外考驗助理們知情識趣的技巧了。某位企業家聘請過一位助理，一次隨老板見客戶，助理穿了極其昂貴的西裝和皮鞋，頭發梳得油光水滑，兩手插袋，戴著墨鏡，看起來比老板還有派頭。

雙方見面時，他不吭聲，只是站在一邊。對方老板誤以為他才是正主，上來就親熱地握住了他的手：“×總！久仰久仰！”真正的老總被生生晾在一旁，場面十分尷尬。隨后的飯局中，兩位老總對坐而談，對方的助理始終安靜地坐在一旁，記錄，遞資料，示意服務生加茶水等，老板不問就保持沉默。這位助理則極其投入，無論談論何種話題，他都能插得進話，侃侃而談，發表了大量的“獨立見解”。甚至連對方老總提到自己女兒轉學難的問題，己方老總還未開口，他立刻拍胸脯保證：“這都是小事，包在我身上！”

臨別時，對方老總禮貌邀請：“有機會可以一起合作。”己方老總客氣地頷首微笑，并未表達任何意愿。這位助理卻再度興奮握手：“必須的！有事您說話！”

可想而知，這位助理回到公司后，就被婉言辭退了。

穿戴過于夸張蓋過領導風頭；見面時不知介紹領導身份；會談中擺不正位置隨意發言；聊天中炫耀能量不顧及領導面子；最重要的是，在工作決策中自以為是、越俎代庖，造成可能的誤解和損失。這大概已經不能用“不識趣”來形容，而只能是“自討沒趣”了。

識趣這件事，聽著容易，實踐起來很難。

敬酒時，對方不勝酒力時說一句“我干杯，你隨意”；吃飯時，女孩子吃得很多，自己不太餓也盡力多吃幾口，不要說“你怎么吃這么多”這種話；旅行時，游客在拍照，不要在中間穿行。如果是自駕游，主動提出與司機輪流開車，別等人家先喊累；捐助時，盡量不公布被捐助者的信息，也不要以憐憫和施舍的姿態出現；聊天時，對方表情遲疑或反感時，及時打住，巧妙地轉移話題；戀愛時，另一半疏于聯絡，經常敷衍，甚至出現了冷暴力。別猶豫，坦然提分手。切莫死纏爛打，失了分寸。別人愿意說，你再問；別人不愿說，別打聽。

“識趣”的另一種通俗說法，其實就是“懂事”。

懂得自己在他人心中的分量，懂得察言觀色，懂得適可而止。懂得自己想要什么，合理索取，不過分，不矯情，不歇斯底里。這不是什么八面玲瓏、油滑處事，而是把每一個交流的人都放在了心上，尊重和善待。

做一個有趣的人的確很難；做一個識趣的人，沒那么難吧。

（摘自《這世界偷偷愛著你》湖南文藝出版社）