一個難忘的兒童節

廣東 周淑涵

“我”在求職的途中撿到了一把精美的雨傘并通過傘上的名字聯系到了失主，這把雨傘對她而言是非常珍貴的，她很感激并要給“我”酬金，但“我”拒絕了。 “我”的境況很凄涼, 剛剛離婚又四處打零工。就在兒童節的前一天，“我”又失去了工作。女兒的兒童節禮物該怎么辦呢？ 接下來“我”和女兒要怎樣度日呢？

題材體裁個人經歷記敘文372★★★文章詞數難度建議用時5分鐘

When I was in my 20s, I just got divorced and had no job. It was a spring rainy day and I was on my way to the employment offices. I sat down in the subway—and there against the seat was a beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold. I had never seen anything so lovely. I examined the handle and saw a name engraved among the golden scrolls. After getting off the subway,I searched a telephone book for the name and found it. I called and a lady answered.

Yes, she said in surprise, that was her umbrella, which her parents, now dead, had given her for a birthday present. She was so excited that I forgot I was looking for a job and went directly to her small house. She took the umbrella, her eyes filled with tears. She wanted to give me a reward, but I refused. We talked for a while, and she was a teacher. I must have given her my address.

The next several months were wretched. I was able to obtain only temporary employment here and there, for a small salary. But I put aside twenty-five or fifty cents every month when I could afford it for my little girl's present for Children's Day.

On Children's Day, the air was full of merriment as I walked from the subway to my small apartment. Many shops were decorated with dolls and boxes of presents, with children running and laughing outside. I stood for a while, wondering if I should step in and buy something for my girl. I had just about reached the lowest point in my life. My last job ended and my rent was soon due, with not much money left—which Peggy and I would need for food. Unless a miracle happened, we would be homeless next month, foodless and jobless.

But I made myself smile when I arrived home so I could greet my little daughter with a pretense of happiness. She opened the door for me and threw herself in my arms, screaming joyously, looking forward to her present. I walked to the kitchen, and fetched three cans that could be our dinner, feeling heartbroken.

Language Study

Useful sentence patterns

1. There against the seat was a beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold.

分析：本句為完全倒裝句。 there against the seat為狀語置于句首，句中的主語和謂語的順序互換。 正常的語序是“A beautiful silk umbrella with a silver handle inlaid with gold was there against the seat.”。

2. But I put aside twenty-five or fifty cents every month when I could afford it for my little girl's present for Children's Day.

分析：句中when作連詞，連接復合句，可譯為“我每個月攢25或50分錢，準備給女兒買兒童節禮物”。

Reading Check

閱讀上面的文章，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1. 所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；

2. 續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

At the moment, the doorbell rang and Peggy ran fleetly to answer it.________________________

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Paragraph 2:

Our dinner the night was the most delicious I had ever eaten._____________________________

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寫作導引

一、語篇研讀

讀后續寫要求續寫的部分在情節和邏輯方面與原文高度契合。 為此，我們必須在掌握原文大意和敘述意圖的基礎上，分析所給文章的情境模式。

分析記敘文的情境模式，就需要關注5個W，即who、what、when、where，以及why。我們在閱讀時要把握故事的情節線，分析故事的起因、開始、發展，并歸納出故事的主要矛盾。 根據文章中已知的信息，如情感的線索、行為的線索、時間的線索、空間的線索等來推斷將要發生的事情，合理構思續寫部分的情節。

要素分析：所給短文的情境模式發展：續寫短文的情境模式 說明：如此構思的理由WhoI, the teacher, PeggyI, Peggy, a delivery man, the teacher What I happened to pick up a special umbrella on a rainy day and returned it to its owner, a teacher. She was grateful and intended to give me a reward, since it was a valuable gift for her. But I refused, even if I pulled through a hard life.Unexpectedly, a delivery man came to our apartment with my parcels that were sent by the teacher. She sent us gifts, lighting up my hope of life, which encouraged me to face all difficulties in life.The teacher was grateful for retrieving her special umbrella.WhenThe year when I got divorcedOn Children's Day of that year Where One good turn deserves another.My apartment The teacher was grateful to me and would like to pay it back.Why The teacher's house I didn't want to accept the teacher's reward because I wanted to show my kindness.

二、情節構思

基于原文和續寫段落首句提供的信息，采用圍繞中心提問相關問題的方法，構思要續寫的故事情節，一般分為四步。

第一步，根據已給出的文本判斷文章的立意。

文章給出的部分主要記敘的是：“我”在雨天拾到一把精致的雨傘，并把它交還給失主（一名教師），她很感激“我”。 “我”的日子艱難，到處打零工，每個月都攢點錢來準備女兒的兒童節禮物。結合文章的第二段“她想給我一些報酬，但是我拒絕了”的內容，可推斷出本文的立意是“感恩”和“回報”。

第二步，根據續寫第二段所給出的段首句倒推續寫第一段應包括什么內容。

根據續寫第二段段首句“那天晚上的晚餐是我吃過最美味的晚餐”，并結合已給出的文本的最后一段的尾句“我走進廚房拿出晚餐要吃的三個罐頭，傷心極了”可知，在續寫第一段“我”的心情已經發生了逆轉，故續寫第一段要寫訪客到來的目的，以及給“我”的心情帶來的改變，這樣才能確保續寫的兩段是相銜接的。

第三步，圍繞續寫第一段所給出的段首句，以及上面的分析進行提問：

1. Who was ringing the doorbell? Maybe the teacher, or someone else?

2. What's the reason for the visit?

3. What did we do after the visit?

第四步，圍繞續寫第二段所給出的段首句進行提問：

1. How did I feel about the visit?

2. What did I do after dinner?

3. What did I learn from the experience?

三、潤色成篇

在續寫的過程中要注意情節連貫、 各部分內容相銜接：1. 兩段的續寫與所給短文的銜接；2. 每段的續寫與續寫段段首句之間的銜接；3. 續寫的兩段之間的銜接。 同時要注意語言風格的一致和語法、句型、所用詞的準確性。 比如，刻畫人物形象時運用恰當的形容詞使其栩栩如生，描寫人物心理活動時使用一些副詞或介詞短語使其細微深入。