英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作之書(shū)信與續(xù)寫(xiě)

李 琛

一、應(yīng)用文寫(xiě)作之書(shū)信

【寫(xiě)作任務(wù)】

假定你是李華，你校下周將舉辦英語(yǔ)歌唱大賽，現(xiàn)急需一名英語(yǔ)主持人。請(qǐng)你給交換生Jack寫(xiě)封信，鼓勵(lì)他來(lái)?yè)?dān)任大賽的英語(yǔ)主持人。內(nèi)容如下：（1）寫(xiě)信目的；（2）大賽時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)；（3）他的優(yōu)勢(shì)。

注意：（1）詞數(shù)80左右；（2）可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

【原文】

Dear Jack,

I’m writing to tell you that a hoster⑴is needed for next week’s English Singing Award⑵,and I believe you’ll be the most qualified people⑶to do the job.

The award(2),which held⑷on Monday⑸at music hall⑹,requires hosters having⑺a goodcommandinEnglish and a sense of humour.As you hosted⑻an award⑵before,you mustearn⑼plenty of relevant experiences.I believe that all audience⑽will be absorbed in⑾your elegant manner and witty words.So don’tfeel hesitate⑿to apply for it.

Yours

Li Hua

【趙教授批注】

⑴hoster是拼錯(cuò)的詞,正確寫(xiě)法是host。改為an English host（英語(yǔ)主持人），這樣更符合題目中的要求。

⑵award的意思是“授獎(jiǎng)，獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)”，應(yīng)改為competition（比賽），用contest也可以。

⑶people指多人，改為person。

⑷改為is to be held，指尚未發(fā)生的事，且需用被動(dòng)式。

⑸ 用next Monday更準(zhǔn)確，on可以省略。

⑹music hall前應(yīng)加上定冠詞the。

⑺ 改為requires hosts to have。hosters錯(cuò)寫(xiě)，正確的為hosts。require的正確搭配是require sb.to do sth.。

⑻與before連用，應(yīng)改為havehosted。

⑼改為must have earned，表示對(duì)已經(jīng)發(fā)生的事的肯定推測(cè)。

⑽改為all the audience。

⑾be absorbed in的意思是“全神貫注地做某事”，而這里的意思是“被吸引”，改為be fascinated by。

⑿ hesitate是動(dòng)詞，直接用在don’t之后，feel是多余的。

趙教授點(diǎn)評(píng)：

這封信涵蓋了三個(gè)要點(diǎn)：寫(xiě)信的目的、大賽的時(shí)間和地點(diǎn)、Jack的優(yōu)勢(shì)。但語(yǔ)言表達(dá)上的問(wèn)題較多。

1.用詞錯(cuò)誤或不準(zhǔn)確，如 hoster、award、people、absorb in。建議在記英語(yǔ)單詞時(shí)，記英語(yǔ)的釋義，而非漢語(yǔ)的意思。

2.詞塊掌握得不夠好，如動(dòng)詞詞塊require sb.to do sth.,is to be held,don’t hesitate to do sth.；名 詞 詞 塊 the music hall,all the audience。建議平時(shí)多注意名詞詞塊的構(gòu)成和動(dòng)詞詞塊的搭配。

3.時(shí)態(tài)、語(yǔ)態(tài)、語(yǔ)氣的掌握有待加強(qiáng)，如is to be held,as you have hosted...before,you must have earned。建議加強(qiáng)對(duì)不定式的被動(dòng)形式、完成時(shí)態(tài)、情態(tài)動(dòng)詞+have done的理解和掌握。

二、讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)

【寫(xiě)作任務(wù)】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Onesnowyday,the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blinding snowstorm.A farmer was making sure hisgeesewhich he kept near the fishpond were warm enough to survive the cold.Satisfied,he went inside his house and sat down to relax before the fire for the evening.Before long he heard a loud knock,something hitting against the window.He looked outside but could not see anything.So he went outside for a better view.In the field near his house he saw,of all the strangest things,a group ofswans.

They were apparently flying to look for a warmer area down south,but they had been caught in the snowstorm.The storm had become too blinding and violent for the swans to fly or see their way.They were trapped on his farm,with no food or shelter,unable to do more than wave their wings and fly inaimlesscircles.He had sympathy for them and wanted tohelpthem.

He thought to himself,thebarnwould be a great place for them to stay.It waswarm and safe;surely they could spend the night andwaitout the storm.So he opened the barn doors for them.He waited,watching them,hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside.

However,they did not notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them.He moved closer toward them to get their attention,but they just moved away from him out offear.Starting to get frustrated,he went over and tried todrivethem toward the barn.They panicked and scattered into every direction except toward the barn.Nothing he did could get them to go into the barn where there was warmth,safety,and shelter.

注意：（1）所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；（2）應(yīng)使用5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)有下畫(huà)線(xiàn)的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)；（3）續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好；（4）續(xù)寫(xiě)完成后，請(qǐng)用下畫(huà)線(xiàn)標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。

【原文】

Paragraph 1:

Feeling totally frustrated,he asked himself,“Why don’t they follow me?”After another failed try,he suddenly found out the reason.It must be the fearness drove swans scattered from him⑴.“What should I do?”the farmer murmured with his eyebrows frowned⑵.No swan fly⑶aimlessly now.They standed⑷side by side to defind the fieceful snowstorm⑸.The only way he could save these poor birds was led them to barn⑹,but how could he acted⑺like a real swan to persuade them trust him⑻.He looked around,tried to find something helpful and his eyes fell on the fishpond.

【趙教授批注】

⑴這句話(huà)有語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，強(qiáng)調(diào)句的句式應(yīng)是：It must be sth.that does sth.另外，fear本來(lái)就是名詞，不必加名詞后綴-ness；此外，drove swansscatteredfromhim中的scattered是多余的，改為drove the swans away from him；注意：swans前面要加定冠詞，因?yàn)榍懊嬉殉霈F(xiàn)過(guò)swans了。整句改為：It must be the fear that drove the swans away from him.

⑵frown為不及物動(dòng)詞，-ed形式含被動(dòng)之意，改為：with his eyebrows frowning。這句話(huà)也可改為 ：the farmermurmured，his eyebrows frowning.或the farmer murmured，frowning his eyebrows。

⑶改用fly的過(guò)去式flew。

⑷改為stood。

⑸改為defend themselves from the fierce snowstorm。

Paragraph 2:

Suddenly,agoodideaoccurred in his mind.Stepping towards the fishpond swiftly,he saw thegeeseslept⑼near the shelter warm and safely⑽.The farmerloosed⑾the geese,led it⑿into the barn and tied it near the gate.The sound of geese pierced thesnowysky and few⒀minutes later,several swans stepped into the barn and soon realized it would be a better place towait⒁.Within five minutes,allswans⒂stayed into⒃this shelter, which opened⒄by a warmhearted angel in this terrible day.

⑹改為to lead them to the barn。

⑺ 改為act。

⑻ 改為win their trust。

⑼slept改為sleep。see的正確搭配是：see sb.do sth.。

⑽改為warm and safe，用逗號(hào)隔開(kāi)。形容詞詞組放在句后，作為狀語(yǔ)表示狀態(tài)。

⑾改為set free。

⑿這里的geese是復(fù)數(shù)，應(yīng)該是一群鵝，改為them或one of them。

⒀改為a few，few的意思是“幾乎沒(méi)有”。

⒁這部分可調(diào)整為：realized that here was a better place to wait。

⒂ 改為 all the other swans。

⒃stayed into屬中文式的表達(dá)，改為went into。

⒄改為was opened。

趙教授點(diǎn)評(píng)：

從情節(jié)上講，這篇故事續(xù)寫(xiě)得很好，農(nóng)夫用鵝引導(dǎo)天鵝進(jìn)入谷倉(cāng)的做法合情合理。文章使用了5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)有下畫(huà)線(xiàn)的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。

從語(yǔ)言上講，表達(dá)也比較通順，意思清楚，但存在一些拼寫(xiě)、語(yǔ)法和用法的錯(cuò)誤，尤其是漢語(yǔ)式的表達(dá)，具體如下：

1.有的表達(dá)受漢語(yǔ)思維的影響，如：It must be the fearness drove swans scattered from him,defend the fieceful snowstorm,persuade them trust him,loosed the geese,led it into the barn,all swans stayed into等。建議：1）多聽(tīng)地道的英語(yǔ)朗讀材料，培養(yǎng)語(yǔ)感；2）平時(shí)閱讀時(shí)多關(guān)注動(dòng)詞及其搭配的使用；3）寫(xiě)作時(shí)糾正先想好漢語(yǔ)句子再翻譯成英語(yǔ)的思維習(xí)慣，直接用英語(yǔ)思維，特別是使用動(dòng)詞及其短語(yǔ)來(lái)造句。

2.不及物動(dòng)詞、時(shí)態(tài)、語(yǔ)態(tài)的掌握有待加強(qiáng)，如不及物動(dòng)詞frown的使用；fly,stand,act的過(guò)去式；open的被動(dòng)形式的使用等。建議平時(shí)閱讀時(shí)多關(guān)注動(dòng)詞的使用，如時(shí)態(tài)、語(yǔ)態(tài)等。

3.形容詞及形容詞詞組的使用存在問(wèn)題，如形容詞的正確拼寫(xiě)fieceful(fierce),形容詞詞組用作表狀態(tài)的狀語(yǔ)warm and safely(warm and safe)。