幽默小故事

張恒

（一）

The young parents worried about their son， Jimmy. He had begun usingunkind words that he learned in school. One day， the mother heard Jimmy callinghis sister a“stupid1 head”

“Jimmy，”she said“， your birthday is next week. Your father and I bought fivegifts for you. From now on， every time you use a bad word Im going to take oneof the gifts away.”

“Thats stupid，”said Jimmy.“OK， young man，”said the mother，“you just lostone of your gifts. Now you only have four. What do you have to say for yourself？

“If I tell you the sentence Im thinking of right now，”said Jimmy，“Ill losethe other four.”

年輕的父母很擔心他們的兒子吉米。他開始使用在學校學到的不友善的話語。有一天，這位母親聽到吉米叫他妹妹“笨蛋”。

“吉米，”她說，“你的生日是下周。我和你父親給你買了五份禮物。從現在起，你說一次臟話，我就會拿走其中一份禮物。”

“那太愚蠢了。”吉米說。“好吧，年輕人。”母親說，“你剛失去了一份禮物。

現在你只有四份了。你還有什么要說的嗎？”

“如果我告訴你我現在想的句子，”吉米說，“我會失去另外四份禮物。”

（二）

Eric： What did you get for your birthday？

Alice： Another year！

Eric： Why didnt you give me anything for my birthday？

Alice： You told me to surprise you.

埃里克：你的生日得到了什么禮物？

愛麗絲：又一年！

埃里克：你為什么一個生日禮物也不送給我？

愛麗絲：你讓我給你一個驚喜的。

（三）

Two friends phoned a neighbor to wish him a happy birthday. They dialed2 thenumber and then sang“Happy Birthday”to him. But when they finished their off-keyrendition3， they found that they had dialed the wrong number.“Dont let it bother4you，”said the stranger5 on the phone.“You just need all the practice you can get.”

兩個朋友打電話給一個鄰居，祝他生日快樂。他們撥了電話號碼，然后給他唱了“生日快樂”歌。但當他們完成這個走調的表演時，發現自己撥錯了號碼。“別讓這事困擾你們。”陌生人在電話里說，“你們只需要做盡可能多的練習就行了。”

（四）

A young woman gets a job as a P.E. teacher in a middle school. She notices a boy?at the end of the playground standing alone6， while all the other kids are runningaround having fun kicking7 a ball. She feels sorry for him.

“Are you OK？”she asks.“Yes，”he answers.

“You can go and play with the other kids you know，”she says.

“No， its best I stay here，”he says.

“Whys that？”says the teacher.

The boy looks at her and says，“Because Im the goalkeeper8！ ”

一位年輕女子在一所中學找到了一份體育教師的工作。她注意到操場盡頭有一個男孩獨自站著，而其他孩子都在四處奔跑，踢球踢得很開心。她為他感到難過。

“你還好嗎？”她問道。“很好。”他回答。

“你可以去和你認識的其他孩子一起玩。”她說。

“不，我最好留在這里。”他說。

“為什么？”教師說。

男孩看著她說：“因為我是守門員！”

Notes

1. stupid 笨的；傻的；腦子不好使的

2. dial 撥號

3. rendition 表演；演奏

4. bother 費心；使……煩惱

5. stranger 陌生人

6. alone 獨自的；單獨的

7. kick 踢；踢腿

8. goalkeeper 守門員