愛不曾遠(yuǎn)去The Love Never Gone

劉一澄/文　霍紅/譯注

清明。車窗外，是蔚藍(lán)的天空和一望無際的、金燦燦的油菜花田。一片片金黃劃過眼簾1，將我扔2進(jìn)了時(shí)光隧道。

It is the Tomb Sweeping Day. Out the car window stretched the azure skies and the broad golden rape flower fields. A tract of golden land upon another crossed my eyes， plunging me into the tunnel of time.

從我記事起3，我吃的飯菜都是她做的，不僅是她做的，很多還是她自產(chǎn)的4。母親無法陪伴我的夜晚，我與她并臥而眠。那些許汗味夾著淡淡的煙草味道，從陌生感到安全感，其中注入了多少祖母的愛。5

The time I had unconfused recollections of my childhood， every single meal she cooked for me—more than that， some of the food she fed me was out of a patch of field she had reclaimed. All the nights when my mother was unable to lie in bed beside me， I fell into sleep with Grandma for caring company. A mixed odour of a touch of sweat and cigarettes grew from a sense of isolation to a sense of security， inexhaustible love devoted to me.

父母顧不上我的時(shí)候，她以自己的方式帶我去進(jìn)行運(yùn)動(dòng)6。她說我太陽曬少了，就時(shí)常帶我去她自己開墾的臨時(shí)菜田7里去。我笨拙地幫她除雜草，或聽令于她的吩咐。多數(shù)時(shí)候，她任我隨意玩耍8，偶爾會(huì)扔到我面前幾條“新出土的”蚯蚓，我常因此興奮一整天。“運(yùn)動(dòng)結(jié)束”了，她一手拎著一個(gè)大南瓜或者一些其他蔬菜，一手拉著我，嘴里叨叨著：“今天的午餐就給你吃它了。”

As my parents had no time for me， she had her own way to make me exercise. She said that the sun would be good for me， and then carried me on her motorbike to her little garden where she planted vegetables before the land was officially claimed for a certain use. I was clumsily weeding her garden， or just obeying her order. Most of the time， she left me engaged in what caprice led me to， or threw to me several newly-unearthed earthworms， which kept me in the excitement for an entire day. Exercise done， she carried in one hand a huge pumpkin or other green vegetables I could not name， and held my hand with the other， chattering， “The big pumpkin will be your lunch.”

在我小學(xué)四年級(jí)時(shí)她回鄉(xiāng)了。她臨行前，我感受到了她對(duì)歸鄉(xiāng)的熱切期待，也感受到了她對(duì)我的不舍。只聽她每日碎碎念9著：“以后孩子吃什么啊？要么我再待半年吧。”嘮嘮叨叨地10，想的全是我。據(jù)說，回鄉(xiāng)之后的很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間里，她掛在嘴邊的仍是“媳婦不會(huì)燒飯，孩子吃什么啊……”。

She went back to her countryside home when I was in the fourth year at primary school. As her returning day approached， I was aware not only of her longing to return to her own home but also of her reluctance to part with me. “What is my granddaughter going to eat？ Maybe I should leave half a year later，” she repeated the same utterance almost each day before her departure. Her repeated words were all about me. I heard that for a long while after she returned， at her lips was， “My daughter-in-law doesnt know how to cook. What will my granddaughter eat？”

她與我生活的十年間，青絲被歲月染上秋霜，那想必也有我的“貢獻(xiàn)”吧。她雖回鄉(xiāng)了，卻好像一直在我身邊——我每日早餐吃的雞蛋，時(shí)不時(shí)就能吃到的冬瓜、肉圓、魚圓，里面充溢著她的味道。

During the ten years she had been with me， her black hair turned grey， to which I must have “contributed”. Returned as she had， she seemed to be all the time around me—the egg I had for breakfast along with the wintermelon， or wax gourd， meat balls， and fish balls， all of which filled with her taste.

三年前，也是清明，我隨著父母回老家祭祖，當(dāng)車輪拐入通往老宅的田間小路11，我便急切地張望著，渴望見到熟悉的房子和熟悉的身影。那是童年熟悉的身影，那是我少年思念的身影——她蹲在田邊，利落地12整理著剛剛摘13下來的青菜。一陣風(fēng)吹亂了她的蒼蒼白發(fā)，銀絲隨風(fēng)掀起，如白浪翻騰。14

On the Tomb Sweeping Day three years ago， I went tomb-sweeping with my parents to my grandparents village. When the car wheeled onto the trail leading to their home， I could not wait to look out of the window， eager to see the familiar house and figure. A figure I had become familiar with as a child and I missed as a teenager—she squatted by the field， sorting with dexterity the greens that she had just collected. A wind passed， her grey hair blown to disorder， the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air.

我飛奔過去，從背后擁緊了她，我的祖母，我貪婪地15嗅著那煙草與因勞動(dòng)而外溢的汗水相攜的熟悉的味道。

I dashed over， held her hard， my grandmother， in my arms from behind， and keenly sniffed the familiar smell， a mixture of cigarettes and sweat from labour.

車窗外，仍是蔚藍(lán)的天空和一望無際的、金燦燦的油菜花田。一片片金黃劃過眼簾16，將我拉回了現(xiàn)實(shí)。思緒閃過，我心里一熱，一層薄薄的水霧，模糊了我的視線。17

Out the car window remain the azure skies and the boundless golden rape flower fields. One stretch of the golden field after another shot past， dragging me back to the real world. After the thoughts flashed through my mind， sentiment or tenderness seized me， a mist of tears dimming my eyes.

一會(huì)兒就到了，小院里卻再也沒有白絲隨風(fēng)飛旋的奶奶，再也無法和她擁抱。

Soon we will arrive. However， there is no more of Grandma with her white hair blown up in the air by the wind or a jealous embrace with her.

曾經(jīng)我以為奶奶會(huì)一直在忙碌中等著我的到來，且思念著我，我一度因?yàn)橛兴乃寄疃腋Ｖ６缃瘢吡耍鞘煜さ睦险餂]有了她熟悉的身影，也沒有了熟悉的飯香，她房間里那熟悉的味道也漸漸淡去18。但是，清明，我一定回來，因?yàn)樗膼鄄辉h(yuǎn)去19。

I thought Grandma would always be there for my visit in her bee-like life， and missed me， for which I once felt so luckily blessed. But now， she is gone—I can find no familiar figure in the familiar old home of hers， and no familiar taste in the dishes， the familiar odour of hers in her room fading away. Yet， on the Tomb Sweeping Day， I must come because her love is never gone.

（譯者單位：揚(yáng)州大學(xué)）

1“劃過眼簾”形容事物快速從眼前通過，對(duì)應(yīng)英文為cross sbs eyes，cross的意思是“劃過，越過，跨過”。? 2“扔”在此處為通感式表述，英文中的“扔”可表達(dá)為“toss/throw/cast/plunge”，其中plunge強(qiáng)調(diào)動(dòng)作猛烈、劇烈，因此譯者選用了plunge。

3此處譯為have unconfused collections，用法參考Three Days to See（《假如給我三天光明》）第一章中的“I fancy I still have confused recollections of that illness.”一句，其中unconfused的意思是“清晰的，清楚的”。? 4“很多還是她自產(chǎn)的”是指作者的祖母在照顧作者之余的閑暇時(shí)間里，在待開發(fā)的土地上開墾了一小片菜園，種了一些常見蔬菜，所以此句譯為out of a patch of field she had reclaimed，而非直譯為she planted by herself。? 5“夾著”的意思是“混著，同時(shí)伴有”，此處并非用作謂語動(dòng)詞，結(jié)合此句的整體結(jié)構(gòu)，可處理為非謂語動(dòng)詞形式的mixed。“從陌生感到安全感”描述了作者對(duì)祖母的熟悉過程，從中文的角度來說是謂語，但在轉(zhuǎn)化成英文時(shí)，譯者將變化過程用grow表現(xiàn)出來。“注入”的表面義是instill，但在此處其實(shí)表達(dá)了“傾注，奉獻(xiàn)”之義，因此用devote更好。“其中注入了多少祖母的愛”處理為獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)作狀語，表達(dá)一種伴隨狀態(tài)。“多少”在此處用于感嘆，強(qiáng)調(diào)數(shù)量多，因此譯為inexhaustible，以對(duì)應(yīng)作者的本意。? 6文中雖說“她以自己的方式帶我去進(jìn)行運(yùn)動(dòng)”，但實(shí)際上在這過程中作為老年人的祖母本人從不運(yùn)動(dòng)，所以此處處理為make me exercise。“以自己的方式”譯為had her own way更能表達(dá)出祖母的“自作主張”或“不同于正常的方式”。? 7“臨時(shí)菜田”的翻譯采用了解釋性譯法，以her little garden where she planted vegetables before the land was officially claimed for a certain use說明菜田的臨時(shí)性。? 8“隨意”并未譯成arbitrary或at will，因?yàn)檫@兩種表達(dá)在此處并不合適。前者表示“任意的，任意性的”，講的是處事“不顧及其他”，后者則表示“根據(jù)個(gè)人意愿”，用在此處顯得過于拘謹(jǐn)。小孩子的“隨意”是指“根據(jù)個(gè)人興致為之”，因此譯為what caprice led me to更合適，此用法可見于Three Days to See（《假如給我三天光明》）第三章中的“... go hand-in-hand wherever caprice led us”。

9“碎碎念”即“喋喋不休，嘮嘮叨叨”，不宜譯為jabber。jabber有“吐音含混不清”的感覺，且“喋喋不休”往往是表達(dá)不滿，故此處譯為repeat the same utterance更合適。? 10“嘮嘮叨叨”也并未譯成chatter或jabber，這兩個(gè)詞更強(qiáng)調(diào)聲音產(chǎn)生一種噪音感。此處的“嘮嘮叨叨”側(cè)重表達(dá)所說內(nèi)容的反復(fù)，故譯為repeated words更貼切。

11此句譯為“when the car wheeled onto the trail leading to…”，其中“拐入”用wheel作動(dòng)詞，表示turn（轉(zhuǎn)彎）的概念，還原原文“車輪拐入”的概念。? 12“利落地”即“熟練地，嫻熟地”，強(qiáng)調(diào)祖母動(dòng)作熟練、手速快、手巧，因此譯為dexterously或with dexterity比skillfully更好。? 13“摘”一般對(duì)應(yīng)pick，強(qiáng)調(diào)用的力氣較大時(shí)則用pluck，然而這兩個(gè)詞強(qiáng)調(diào)的是“從樹上或秧上取下”這一動(dòng)作。表達(dá)摘一定量或出于某種目的的“采摘”，通常用gather或collect。? 14譯者重新整理了此句，譯為“A wind passed， her grey hair blown to disorder， the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air.”。兩個(gè)獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)分別表示結(jié)果（her grey hair blown to disorder）以及方式（the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air）。譯文中加了pass一詞，以便用blow一詞描寫“吹亂了她的蒼蒼白發(fā)”。? 15“貪婪地”在此處并非表達(dá)一種貪欲或者占有欲，而是表達(dá)一種“熱切，盼望，急切”的感覺，因此直譯為greedily不恰當(dāng)，可用keenly來表達(dá)這種感覺。

16與原文第一段中的“劃過眼簾”相互呼應(yīng)，達(dá)到情感對(duì)比的效果。然而，英文（在不用于修辭的情況下）很忌諱反復(fù)使用同一種表達(dá)，所以此處譯為shoot past，表示“從旁急速而過”。? 17此句為文學(xué)式的細(xì)節(jié)描寫，譯文也需還原這種風(fēng)格。“閃”即快速出現(xiàn)并快速消失。“心里一熱”指心中某種柔軟的情感，因此用sentiment來表示，并追用tenderness來同位解釋，追用seize來表達(dá)“受控于某種情緒或情感”。 “一層薄薄的水霧”譯為“a mist of ”，構(gòu)成隱喻。? 18但凡非一氣呵成地消失，均與away搭配使用，例如die away（聲音、氣味等逐漸消失），再如go away離開（可見離開的過程）等，故此處譯為fade away即可表達(dá)“漸漸”的含義。? 19“不曾遠(yuǎn)去”即“沒有消失”，與祖母已逝的語境對(duì)應(yīng)，用gone隱喻“消失”和“未消失”的強(qiáng)烈對(duì)比，即“Grandma is gone but her love never gone.”。