幽默放送

會說話的鐘

一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘。”學生回答。“這鐘怎么工作的？”他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了。”那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現在是凌晨兩點鐘！”

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock." the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

你認識他嗎？

在朋友家的一次宴會上，主人提起一位高中時的校友。一位客人問他讀書期間，某位副校長是否也在職。

“當然了，”主人答道。“他是我見過的最大的混蛋。你也認識他嗎？”

“有點兒認識，”客人回答。“我媽媽上周六嫁給了他。”

Did You Know Him?

At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his high school alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.

"I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"

"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."

你是怎樣來的？

一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了45分鐘才起來上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步。”

老板狐疑地看著他。“噢，是嗎？那你是怎樣到這里來的？”

“后來我決定向后轉，”他說，“于是我就往家的方向走。”

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

給妻子的玫瑰

一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些剛剪下來的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走進店里，一個年輕的女售貨員跟我打了個招呼。

“先生，這些是送給你妻子的嗎？”她問道。

“是的。”我說。

“她的生日？”她問。

“不是。”我回答。

“你們的結婚紀念日？”

“不是。”我又答道。

當我將找回的錢裝進口袋，朝門口走去時，那年輕的女人沖我喊道：“希望她能原諒你。”

Roses for My Wife

On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.

"Are these for your wife, sir?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

"For her birthday?" she asked.

"No," I replied.

"For your anniversary?"

"No," I said again.

As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "I hope she forgives you."

腦筋急轉彎：

1. 什么東西的出產期和保質期在同一天？

2. 什么上邊是毛，下邊是毛，一動就毛貼毛呢？