閑言碎語與流言蜚語

What the Words Mean

So what are rumors， exactly? Is there a difference between a rumor and a piece of gossip?

A rumor is a piece of information or a story that has not been verified1)， meaning that the person telling it doesn't know if it's true or 1.

Gossip， on the other hand， is a little different: it is talk that is somehow juicy， meaning it deals with subjects that are shocking or personal. It is usually about things like love and relationships， or private things that people don't talk openly about， and it is usually spread behind that person's back.

Why Do People Do It?

Let's say you have just heard a REALLY juicy rumor about someone you know. It may not be true， but it is too good to keep to yourself. Your first instinct is to tell it to all your friends. We all had that kind of urge. But why? Here are some possible reasons:

To feel superior

When people are feeling bad about themselves， they sometimes think they will feel better if there were someone worse off than they are. It is like， it's okay being near the bottom， as long as they are not actually on the bottom. The easiest way for them to make sure someone else is on the bottom is to make up a rumor that puts him or her there.

To feel like part of the group

If everybody else is gossiping or spreading rumors， you might feel you have to do the same thing in order to fit in.

For attention

When you know a secret that nobody knows， or are the first person in your group to hear a rumor， it can make you the center of attention. A rumor or a piece of gossip is sometimes like money; telling it to people is like buying their attention， if only for a few minutes.

Out of jealousy or a need for revenge

If you are jealous of someone's looks， popularity， or money， you might gossip about that person in order to hurt him or her. If you feel that someone has done something bad to you， or deserves to be hurt， making up a rumor might satisfy your sense of justice.

Why It Hurts?

There are many reasons why rumors and gossip can be so harmful:

Gossip and rumors can be a form of exclusion. When you spread a rumor about someone， you are sending a signal that the person is outside of the group， and somehow less worthy of friendship than others.

Gossip and rumors can destroy trust. We need to be able to trust our friends， and gossiping and rumors can break this trust.

True or not， private is private. It can be very painful and humiliating when other people know things about us that we want to keep private. It can make us feel like we have been violated2)， like something that is supposed to be just ours is now out in the open for all to see and to judge.

Breaking the Chain

Face it: people gossip. You can't change that， but you can change what happens when a rumor comes your way.

Make the rumor stop with you. Don't take part in spreading it. Others may continue to circulate3) the gossip， but you have made a personal choice to stay out of it. Chances are that the rumor will die out much more quickly than if you had joined the buzz4).

Don't be an audience. Hearing and reacting to the rumor， and letting it continue， makes you almost as responsible for its damage as the person who started it. Therefore， don't provide another pair of ears for the rumor-starter. If he isn't getting the reaction or attention he's seeking， he will be less likely to do it in the future.

Respect others' privacy. If you don't want other people talking about the personal things in your life， don't do it to others. If you respect people's privacy， they will be more likely to do the same for you.

When the Rumor's About You

When it comes to rumors and gossip， everyone is fair game. It can seem like one moment， the big buzz is about someone else and then suddenly， it is your turn to be the target. So， how can you deal with it in a way that won't make the situation worse?

Try to understand where it is coming from， and why. If you can， figure out who started the rumor. Was the rumor meant to hurt you， or is it just a case of misinformation or exaggeration? Is someone trying to get back on you5) for something? Is he or she intent on turning others against you? It is important to get this information before you react to the rumor， so you can have a better idea of how to deal with it and the people who are spreading it.

Get someone in the middle to make a stand. Do you have an ally6) out there on the battleground? Identify someone who didn't start the rumor and get him or her on your side. Ask this person to stick up for7) you， telling others in the group that the rumor is not true and， most importantly， very hurtful.

Don't give the bully8) what he or she wants. Keep in mind that when someone starts a rumor meant to hurt another person， he or she is probably a bully who needs to lower someone else's status in order to make himself or herself feel better. Imagine how disappointed this person will be when his or her plan doesn't work!

Resist the urge to get revenge. If you have been the victim of gossip and rumors and you know who has been spreading them， you might want to go an eye for an eye. Thinking up lies or exposing secrets that you know， and taking revenge in this way might feel good for a short time. But in the end， it will just keep the cycle of rumors going， and will make you as much of a bully as any other rumor-starter.

那些話意味著什么

那么，確切地說，流言究竟是什么？一則流言與一句閑話之間是否存在區別呢？

一則流言就是一條未經核實的信息或者一個故事，也就是說，講述者并不知道它是真是假。

另一方面，閑話與之略有差別：閑話所言頗為生動有趣，即它所涉及的主題出人意料或者與個人有關。閑話的內容通常與愛情和戀情有關，或者是人們不公開談論的隱私。它通常是背著當事人傳播的。

人們為什么

要這么做？

不妨假設你剛剛聽到一則關于你認識的人的特別有趣的流言。它也許并不是真的，但是內容太精彩，你無法留給自己獨享。你的第一個本能反應是將這則流言告訴你所有的朋友。我們都有過諸如此類的沖動。但這是為什么呢？以下是一些可能造成此類沖動的原因：

感覺高人一等

當人們對自己感到不滿時，他們有時候會認為，如果有人的處境比自己還要糟糕，他們就會感覺好很多。這就好像，處于接近底部的位置并沒有什么不好，只要不是真正墊底的。對他們而言，要確保還有其他人墊底最簡單的方法就是，制造一則流言將此人置于最底部。

感覺自己是圈子里的人

如果其他所有的人都在說著閑言碎語或者散布著流言蜚語，你也許就會萌生一種感覺：自己也必須做同樣的事情，以求能夠融入這個圈子。

引起關注

當你知道了一個別人所不知道的秘密時，或者你是你的圈子里第一個聽到某則流言的人，這可能會使你成為眾人關注的焦點。一則流言或者一句閑話有時候就像金錢；告訴別人正如換取其關注度，哪怕只要幾分鐘。

出于嫉妒或者為了報復

如果你嫉妒某人的外表、聲望或者金錢，你可能說此人的閑話對其加以中傷。如果你感覺到某人做了一些對你不利的事，或者理應受到傷害，制造一則流言或許能夠滿足你的正義感。

為什么流言會帶來傷害？

流言和閑話為什么會造成如此大的傷害，這其中有很多原因：

閑話和流言可以是將某人排除在外的一種形式。當你散布關于某人的一則流言時，你就在發送一個信號，表明那個人在你的朋友圈之外，而且和其他人比起來，他并不值得交往。

閑話和流言能夠摧毀信任。我們要能夠信任自己的朋友，而閑話和流言卻能破壞這種信任。

無論是真是假，隱私就是隱私。當其他人知道了我們想要保守的秘密時，我們會感到十分痛苦和羞憤。這會使我們感覺自己被侵犯了，就好像本該屬于我們自己的東西，現在卻暴露在眾目睽睽之下，大家都可以觀賞并評頭論足。

打破流言散播鏈

面對現實吧：人們都會說閑話。你無法改變這個現實，但你可以改變的是，當流言傳到你這里時所要發生的事。

讓流言止于你。不要參與散播流言。其他人或許會繼續傳播閑話，但你可以自己選擇置身事外。如果你不參與散播流言的話，流言很有可能會很快消散。

不要當聽眾。聆聽和回應流言，并讓它繼續散播開來，就會讓你因造成的傷害所要負起的責任與散播流言的始作俑者相差無幾。因此，不要為流言的發起者提供另一雙耳朵。如果他沒有得到他所尋覓的回應或者關注，他將來就不太可能再去散布流言。

尊重他人的隱私。如果你不希望其他人談論你的私事，就要做到“己所不欲，勿施于人”。如果你尊重他人的隱私，他們才更可能會尊重你的隱私。

當流言與你有關

每個人被卷入流言和閑話的幾率都差不多。某個時刻，看似好像關于其他人的一則謠言正在傳得沸沸揚揚，然后突然間，就輪到你變成了大家閑言碎語的目標。那么，你該通過什么樣的方式來處理，才不至于讓情況變得更加糟糕呢？

試著獲悉流言的源頭以及原因何在。如果可以的話，弄清楚誰是第一個散播流言的人。這則流言是故意想要對你造成傷害？或者它只是一則誤傳的信息抑或對事實的夸大？是否有人為了某個過節在報復你？此人是否想讓你成為眾矢之的？在你對流言做出回應之前，獲取這個信息是非常重要的；這樣一來，對于如何處理這則流言以及傳播流言的人，你可以有一個更好的辦法。

找一位中間人做你的后盾。你在戰場外面是否有盟軍？判斷某個不是流言發起者的人，把此人拉到你這一邊支持你。請這個人為你辯護，告訴朋友圈里的其他人這則流言是假的，而最重要的是，告訴他們你因為這則流言受害頗深。

別讓恃強凌弱者得逞。記住，當某人開始傳播一則流言意圖傷害另一個人時，這個人可能是一個恃強凌弱者，這種人需要通過貶低其他人的地位來使自己感覺更好。試想如果此人的計劃沒有得逞，該會有多失望呀！

抑制住想要報復的沖動。如果你是閑話和流言的受害者，并且你知道是誰在傳播流言，你可能想要以牙還牙。捏造謊言或者公開你所知道的秘密，以這種方式進行報復，短時間內或許令你感覺不錯。但到頭來，這種做法只會使流言不斷地循環往復，使你和其他任何的流言發起者別無二致，成為一個恃強凌弱者。